Birthblessed!

7 Kids: 7 times I slept when I supposed to be parenting my kids

2012-01-10T14:08:00.000-06:00

7. Snuggled into a bed with them all at naptime.

6. In the front seat of the car with a story tape playing and them buckled into carseats listening, pulled over at a rest stop with doors locked.

5. Reading aloud living history/historical fiction books from our homeschool curriculum.

4. On a quilt in the backyard while they played in the sandbox.

3. In the kids' bed while they cleaned their room.

2. On the couch while they watched PBS.

And....
1. On a blanket on the floor on top of blocks and cars while they climbed on top of me.

It's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it's just having young children. Thankfully it's a self-limiting condition.

This post was for MamaDweeb, who couldn't post today because she needed a nap.

2011 Wrap-Up

2012-01-05T12:58:00.002-06:00

Where I do my work.

Some of my bloggy peers are posting their favorite, or most-commented, or most-viewed posts of the year. I am enjoying going back and re-reading many of these- some of these people challenge me, encourage me, entertain me, or just make me feel like one of their coffee buddies complete with warm fuzzies.

Not that I think I can compete with those bloggers, here is a compilation of my top-read posts of each month:

January Seven Kids and Sex Be sure to check my comment for a bit of a postscript

February Bedtime Works for Me Oh, that was nearly a year ago and I'm happy to say my girls still want carried to bed and tucked in.

March Seven Kids Mornings In this day of reality TV, apparently posts that detail how you spend each moment are still popular.

April Grocery Budgeting the food co-op thing never did work out like I had hoped...

May Let's Talk Teens, Sex, and the Gospel I promised to revisit the popular post of January- and this post was read even more. Just behind it, not quite tied but with more feedback, was Modesty, My Opinion

June Top 7 Listening Devices While you make your New Years' Resolutions, consider things in your life that keep you from really listening to your kids.

July I must have been feeling the hot August topics early- my two highest-viewed had nearly no comments. So why read and not comment? Afraid? Was I too outspoken? Those posts were Religious Inspired Modesty and Spank or Spank Not, But Don't use Euphemisms.

August started hot right off, the first post got over 100 hits: How do you Keep from Going Crazy? But then I saw later on, over 150 hits for Keep the House Visitor Ready in 15 minutes a Day! Apparently I never answered the questions about what steam cleaner I use- I haven't been able to find the model still available on the internet... but if I had to replace it, I'd get this one Wagner 915 1,500-Watt On-Demand Power Steamer and Cleaner

September I'm always curious when a post gets twice as many hits as the others, but no one has commented.... Tantrums in the 3 Year Old. Sometimes I get the feeling from young moms that I don't have any clue what I'm talking about- even though my college major was Human Development and Family Studies, I nannied and taught in daycares and churches for hundreds of kids over ten years before doing all that while concurrently raising seven of my own. But young moms just sort of stare through me because I don't parrot what they read in the books they have? Note: I read those books too, and threw them out.

October My idea to post our personal college visit reviews must have been good. I asked others to send in their reviews of their college visits so I could post more-- but no one has. Please? I can't visit all the colleges. The most viewed post this month was William Jewell College, Liberty, MO.

November Seven Beauty Basics I Pass to My Daughters . By the way, I introduced my oldest daughter to Noxema because my grandmother used it and I used it as a teen. She loves it and has the same bright complexion I had as a teen. My grandmother had the softest, smoothest face. And the scent just makes me feel the comfort of being with grandmother.

December Pizzas are Veggies

Should Christians do Santa, or not?

2011-12-21T10:18:00.000-06:00

Some Christian groups are quite vocal this year for everyone to "put Christ in Christmas." They are offended by Santa Claus. Years ago I even heard people say that Santa is an anagram for Satan.

There are blogs about removing all Santa from your holiday expressions. Oh, excuse me. I mean Christmas celebration.

What I have found out is that neither choice - Santa or no- is more moral or right than the other.

Refusing to "do" Santa did not make my older children any more holy and pure. While it made us more acceptable to fellow Christians, it did alienate us from some non-Christians. Most non-Christians didn't care, but they certainly were not more drawn to us or our faith.

lovingly hand-knit by Grannie

Loosening up some of my religiosity and stepping into the social world outside has released me from all those rules that needed to be followed to make me acceptable to fellow church goers. My kids are no longer explaining to poor unsuspecting families that Santa isn't real and they need to only believe in Jesus, which by the way is a QUICK way to lose friends and influence people against church.

So what now? Now we visit many different families, of all cultures and churches. We enjoy going to Christmas tree lightings and Santa parties with them. We even go to Hannukah parties. We haven't lost our faith. I tell you, if this "faith" in Jesus requires brainwashing then how is it faith?

Santa will be bringing the kids' gifts this Christmas morning. We even transitioned from "playing a Santa game" in the "tradition of St. Nick" to just flat out telling the baby that Santa was bringing her gift. We have a lot of fun- all the children who never had Santa especially think it's a huge hoot to take the littles to see Santa, help them write letters to Santa, and just plunge into the wonder of it all.

It's not like Christmas is even a particularly Christian holiday anyway- how exactly is it like Jesus to spend the month shopping, decorating with baubles and hoping for stuff? It's an American holiday, and America uses Santa in it.

Lu Ann's Candied Popcorn Balls

2011-12-09T17:29:00.001-06:00

You have to try these. They've been a tradition at our house, from my mother-in-law.

Lu Ann’s Candied Popcorn Balls

½ c unpopped popcorn (10 c popped)

1 ½ c salted peanuts (0ptional, but add more popcorn if no nuts)

1 c light corn syrup

½ c sugar (in the old days I used ¼ c honey instead)

1 3oz pkg Jello (your choice)

Pop the corn and toss it with the peanuts in a

LARGE BUTTERED BOWL (margarine ok)

Combine corn syrup and sugar in a saucepan and bring to a boil.

Remove from heat and add the pkg of dry Jello, stirring until dissolved.

Drizzle syrup mixture over popcorn and mix well.

Let cool just until easy to handle. With BUTTERED HANDS (you needs to rebutter between each ball you make), shape into balls.

Put on waxed paper til cool enough to wrap or stack.

Makes 18 balls 2 ½ diameter. 115 cal each

Horrific Winter Hands

2011-12-07T07:00:00.000-06:00

Do your hands get horrible in the winter? Mine can. I think it's genetic. My man's hands are always soft. Never need lotion. I remember my grandfather would have little bits of tape on his fingers, covering up splits in the skin. He was always rubbing Camphor Ice onto his knuckles. Camphor Ice was always in my house- several in each room. Sadly Camphor Ice is a relic of the past.

This year I have found a neat substitute! I learned (the hard way) some years ago that "expired" sunscreen does not protect you from sunburn. But I hate to throw away sunscreen. The waterproof stuff is just not a "lotion" you want to use if you don't have to... right?

Enter the winter hands. Waterproof sunscreen may not protect us on a day at the beach- but it is a GREAT hand lotion in the winter. Mine is True Blue Spa from Bed, Bath and Beyond. It doesn't feel sticky and nasty, it actually feels kind of silky. But the best part is, it seems to protect my hands longer and better than any other hand lotion I've ever used in the winter.

Plus, it is a great way to use up the summer's sunscreen instead of tossing it in the trash!

Works for me!

Linked up to WFMW at http://wearethatfamily.com/.

Public schools and high-stakes testing

2011-12-06T09:39:00.001-06:00

My letter to the editor regarding the state of KCMO Schools:

The MAP test and other similar high stakes tests have done absolutely nothing to help children learn, and instead they tie teacher’s hands. MAP tests and state takeover undermine fundamentals of democracy (Strauss, “The complete list of problems with high-stakes standardized tests,” WashingtonPost.com,11/1/11.)

I wonder if James would fail the tests, like Strauss reports in “When an adult took standardized tests forced on kids” at WashingtonPost.com, 12/5/11.

Homeschoolers know the truth- if you want parents to be accountable to their children’s education you must put the parents- not the Testing Industry or the state- in charge of the education. This means getting RID of the beaurocracy. Get RID of standardized curriculum. Get RID of red tape. Get RID of the tests.

Why do homeschools succeed where public schools fail? They take individuals into mind, not classrooms full of standardized children. Choices are made by people who intimately know the children. Parents pick from myriad curriculum or eschew curriculum and pick and choose individual learning resources.

How can we apply this to our public schools? Let the teachers get to know the students and pick the curriculum that matches their teaching style and the children’s learning styles. Let the parents pick their schools and teachers according to what works best for their individual familes or even individual children. (For instance, I have 7 children who attended 3 different schools + homeschool last year, and this year 2 different schools + homeschool.)

How do we know what children are learning? How do we know it’s “working”? Look at the children. Listen to the children. Just pay attention to the *people* rather than sheets of data. The results will speak for themselves. You know as well as anyone that as soon as the Spelling Bee or Geography Bee winners are announced, people say “Bet they’re homeschooled.” Colleges know~ that’s why the best colleges have admitted homeschoolers for decades and now actively recruit homeschoolers.

But homeschoolers as individuals sometimes lack, due to financial constraints, something public schools have– inspirational mentors and teachers, dedicated labs, dance teams, orchestras, math bowls, chess teams, debate teams, robotics and science clubs. My kids have eventually transitioned into public schools so that they have access to those things that require group participation that I could not afford to access through homeschool channels. In the states of Washington and Colorado, homeschooled students have the options of a hybridized education where the parents can enroll their students in individual academic classes and/or extracurricular activities but still homeschool for all the rest. Those parents have something MO parents should have.

I fully support public school as an ideology- but not the dinosaur of an institution built for an entirely different world. It was public school teachers that so inspired my own son that he is applying to colleges as an education major. I do think that KCMO Schools can learn from homeschooling- Very few homeschoolers submit their children to the high stakes, standardized tests, and even those that are required by law (in other states, not MO) to have their children tested, they do not “teach to the test” or choose curriculum that matches the test questions. My homeschool friends will even throw away the envelopes with the scores, without looking at them.

Test scores have so little to do with learning… that my opinion is that if you are going to allow testing in your school you may as well also put an Xbox in each classroom and publish the high scores kids get on them.

2011-12-01T09:37:00.001-06:00

My friend Nota Supermom mentioned on her blog recently that her floor smells like cat food. Mine does too. Because in the course of one day, the cats managed to knock over the container the kids left out, spilled their food all over the floor, then ate half of it, then proceed to vomit it all back up all over the floor.

Yeah. Some days are like that.

There was this one time when my youngest son had rotavirus, and he threw up every other day for about 5 weeks. After the first couple weeks, I got good at seeing the signs. It's like Elimination Communication. I would just sense he was going to blow chunks, and I'd jump up and grab a bowl and stick it under his face. My gay best friend was sitting at my table eating supper when I demonstrated my prowess, about halfway through the virus. He was so impressed and to this day thinks I'm some kind of clairvoyant.

That's us moms. The puke whisperers.

Paul Mesner Puppets!!!!

2011-11-21T16:54:00.001-06:00

We love us some local talent. (Miss you, Biscuit Brothers.) One that we love is Paul Mesner Puppets- they are 2 blocks away from our house. On Sunday afternoon, my man and I walked over there with our 3 youngest to take in Go Dog, Go.

The dogs leapt from the pages of a favorite storybook and transformed to 3D, to dance, delight and dare us to snap and sing along. The pink poodle's hats were nailed... although when I've read the books aloud (thousands of times) I always interpreted her "Good-bye!" as being a bit miffed that her hat was dismissed so easily. The maze was clever. The cars were just perfect. We did sort of wish there had been a puppet stoplight prop.

After the show, we were able to purchase dog puppets to assemble on site in a craft room or take home to assemble at our leisure. That was an appreciated bonus for my kids.

Paul says that he has had kids intern for him- homeschooled kids are great for winter internships, brick-school kids can intern in the summer. He needs interns and volunteers who can help with all manner of puppet-making, set design, costume sewing and website and graphic design. As an award-winning puppeteer, he's bound to be a fantastic mentor.

Go Dog, Go plays through Sunday at Paul Messner Puppets, and you can purchase tickets here. Betcha wish you'd followed my link to the Living Social deal to get a season pass or 4-pack of tickets, huh? Invite to LivingSocial

Pizzas are Veggies, And 7 other ways to get along with kids.

2011-11-19T09:57:00.001-06:00

Not a vegetable.

I'm reading some brouhaha over the frozen food lobbyists declaring pizza is a veggie. People are missing the point when they focus on whether pizza is a vegetable, I believe. The shock is not that pizza could count as a veggie. The shocker is that the frozen food lobbyists have such a hand in our policymaking. The true shocker is that 90% of the food served at my kids' schools is from a freezer.

There is a reason I never got into "Once a Month Cooking" and "freezer meal preparation." Because it sucked. Yes, I use my share of frozen food around here. There are 7 reasons to use frozen food.

Oh wait, you say, I called the post "7 ways to get along with your kids." Stay with me.

1. The first reason to use frozen foods is because some of them taste really good. The ones that taste really good, however, are extra-chock-full of fats and oils, breadings, corn syrup solids and even chemical excitotoxins that turn on addiction receptors in their neuro system in addition to creating symptoms of ADHD, migraines, and more. Sadly, this is the ditch where the frozen food used in schools lies.

2. The second reason to use frozen food is because they are very convenient. If you can neatly pack a freezer and keep that freezer running, and you keep track of what's in there so nothing freezer-burns, then you can make your budget go further with less waste. (Unless you count the waste of the food ending up in the trash because it doesn't taste good.) Studies have been shown to us that indicate not much nutrition is lost in freezing. Even some have said that frozen food can be more nutritious as foods are picked at ripeness and frozen immediately- unlike "fresh" produce that is picked before it is ripe and then travels hundreds and thousands of miles over hours or days to market.

The convenience factor means, for me, that my kids can have more of my time during the "witching hour." You know, that late afternoon/early evening period when kids' need for attention seems to peak.

3. It's the only way to get popsicles and ice cream. (See? I told you it was about getting along with your kids.)

4. You can get fruits and vegetables that are out of season. The frozen strawberries at the store are the same price, all year long, and always ripe to perfection. This is where mom saves the day for the kid who loves strawberries. I found strawberries this summer for 77 cents a pint, and flash-froze them myself. This leads me to....

Fried green tomatoes. Not frozen.
Can only eat in September.

5. Because you can have more control over your food supply when you use the freezer. I'm sure the schools like this too. As long as you have the freezer space and electricity, you can control your food supply and even the costs. Yes, I was able to get hopefully a winter's supply of strawberries flash frozen and put away for half the cost of buying the big bag from Costco. In addition, I put away 10 quarts of mustard and collard greens. I buy meat in the markdown case and save it in the freezer, so I can provide them the meat they want within our budget. I even freeze bread when we've gotten more than we can eat at once.

6. Every single person knows- with a decent supply of freezer foods, dinner is as easy as freezer-(toaster)oven-table. There are many days that even a busy family of 10 uses that excuse. It's honestly still cheaper and healthier than a restaurant meal. And you can't go to a restaurant in your pajamas or if someone is sick.

7. The proper use of freezer food can give you a more varied, more balanced, more budget friendly, and more convenient food service system. This is where I think the schools fail. I freeze ingredients, and use them to make simple homemade dishes for my family. I use frozen meals sparingly. I keep it in balance. I can feel ok with feeding them chicken nuggets or even an occasional frozen pizza, because I know that usually they are getting homecooked meals.

School children eating
fresh homecooked meal.

The sad truth is that, particularly in the urban core, kids are never getting homecooked meals. I have had kids come to my house, and watch me make breakfast tacos with amazement and a proclamation, "Why is everything you make so fancy?"

My go-to fast food should never, ever be perceived by some kid as fancy. That makes me sad.

I don't care if you call pizza a vegetable. Here is a lesson plan to incorporate it into your school day. Call it Al. Call it Ray Jay. Even call it Mr. Johnson. Call it late for dinner, whatever. I ask only 2 things: Don't let the frozen food lobbyists set policy for our schools. Put real commercial kitchens and chefs back in the schools. Go to Two Angry Moms and Fed Up With Lunch to become informed and find ways to combat this issue.

P.S. On your pizza, try smearing some pesto made with your own garden basil and the local nut you can gather freely, then layer the top with eggplant, fresh tomato and basil and sprinkle with fresh romano and parmesan. If that ain't a vegetable serving, what is?

The Root of Choosing Joy

2011-11-14T10:13:00.001-06:00

The ROOT of choosing joy?

Yeah, that's something I made up. Yesterday.

See, I woke up and something came to mind- I felt a little slighted by someone in my church last week, so suddenly I felt morose and didn't really want to go back this week. I let myself start feeling depressed.

I let myself be late.

When I walked in, I thought I heard the man say to open our Bibles to Romans 12. So I did. I started reading. But my mind was bogged down by the familiarity of the passage, so I touched the icon to change translations, and scrolled to The Message. And that's where I met God yesterday.

And He taught me about The Root of Choosing Joy. I was smiling by the end of verse 2. Then, remembering that Paul is speaking, and he's speaking as a brother and also a teacher, verse 3 hit me square between the eyes. Choosing Joy is as simple as believing the gospel. For real. Do I believe the gospel or not? The root cause of my depression is failing to believe the gospel. So the Root of Choosing Joy is believing the gospel.

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

By the time I got to the end of Romans 12- which is something I memorized long ago and have used as my Mission Statement for Life- I had realized that the man didn't ask us to read Romans 12, but Acts 12. No matter. God and I had met and we were having church, there at a table in the back of the room, and I contemplated what He was saying to me for the rest of the hour as I also enjoyed watching my girls play with their dolls, making them write each other love notes. I'll catch up with Acts 12 later.

Are you struggling to live out of deep gratitude for grace and understand yourself by what God is and does? Let's stick together on this.

Seven Kids: 7 Beauty Basics I pass on to my daughters

2011-11-08T23:21:00.000-06:00

Three tips are detailed at Aspiring New Moms, a blog I discovered through WFMW last week.

She said: 1. Make your hairstyle last 3 days. 2. Invest 5 minutes into skincare. 3. Wear quality basics.

To those I'll add: 4. Use a nail brush and pumice stone. 5. Buff, not paint, your nails. 6. Exercise and stretch morning and night. 7. Smile.

The hairstyle thing seemed hard for me since I have been keeping a short hairstyle. Can we adjust her tips for short hairstyles? I find that honestly, washing your hair too much does more harm than good in the long run. We stopped using shampoo years ago, but since we moved to a new climate started using some again- but try to limit it to once or twice a week. How we do manage between days? I do like to wet mine on between days, sometimes scrub my scalp with just water and I'd just as soon use only conditioner rather than shampoo. But I have found that headbands and scarves are fun, funky, and beautiful!

Skincare- what can I say about it? I mean, that Susan and Chloe haven't said? Look, ladies, we all know that there is only ONE thing I have that you don't have. About ten years. Yep, that's about it. Ten years. So, this is why I read your blogs daily-- to take advantage of those ten years. And so far I can attest- the five minutes a day on the skincare routine is absolutely the beauty secret you cannot afford to ignore. I remember as a child, watching my grandmother perform her skincare rituals of cleansing and moisturizing each night, and I'd pat her face. It was so soft and wonderful. She was in her 50s, and I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen. I'd look at pictures from her Mad-Men 30-something years and pat her beautiful soft face, with total conviction that she'd only grown ever more beautiful.

Quality basics- here is MY secret to the high quality basics: Thrift stores. Clothing on the rack at a retail store can fool you- it's all primed with fabric starches that make them look crisp. Who knows what will happen to those clothes with the forces of nature and laundry? Shop at the thrift store and choose the clothes that stood the test but were passed on because the owner changed sizes or simply buys new each season.

Nail brush and pumice stone- in the shower, every time. I use them after I've done the general cleansing of body and hair. I brush under the nails and the cuticles of both hands and feet. Follow after toweling off with a good moisturizer. Personally, I use a salt scrub in the shower- I like the Lavendar one from Trader Joe's. I live in the city, and the oils and exfoliation combat the skin fatigue from sun and smog. I'll toss in the next tip here, I like buffing my nails rather than polishing. Polish leaves chips and is hard to maintain. I can keep a buffing tool in my purse and to tell the truth I use it at red lights. Holding the buffing tool in the car keeps you from the lure of texting, too.

Ten-twenty minutes in the morning, ten minutes at night. Stretch, some push ups, crunches, balance poses. It's a combo of yoga, pilates, even the calisthenics from grade school. This was something else I learned from my grandmother- who stayed supple and limber through knee replacements and right up until arthritis and a broken hip slowed her down. I hula hoop to get my blood flowing - with a full cup of water, it's more effective than the first cup of coffee. Several days a week of more serious exercise is needed to do weight-checks and keep my pants just right, but we're still just talking about 45 minutes of brisk walking like my grandmother did (5 miles every day, rain or shine, for over 30 years).

SMILE. Do you ever catch what you look like when you are not smiling? Smiling reminds you that you have to choose happiness in life. It looks kinder and is more appealing to others. And it really can lift your spirits.

Linking this post with WFMW.

Seven Kids: Toddlers hitting

2011-11-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

First word was "Ow." Yep, second born.

Most people respond to the hitting toddler by saying, "No hitting! Hitting hurts."

If you tell your child what NOT to do, then you set them up for failure in 2 ways. One, they only hear the thing they are not supposed to be doing. You say "No hitting," and he hears "Mwah hitting." You say "Don't run," and he hears "Mwah run." The other way is that you are not giving him appropriate alternatives to try out.

Try this one.
"Oh! Ari hurt a friend. So sad. Ari, touch gently." or "Ari, use words." or "Ari, play over here a little further away from that child."

Give him something he can respond to. "No hitting" doesn't give him any room to respond. "Touch gently" and "Come hit this drum" do give the child something to respond to positively.

This post is being linked to WFMW.

William Jewell College, Liberty, MO

2011-10-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

William Jewell is on a hill in the quiet Kansas City, MO, suburb of Liberty. The college is marked by a serene campus, well laid out, with fantastic views - hilly Missouri rural to the east, and to the southwest on the horizon is the Kansas City skyline. It is a small, private liberal arts college whose degree programs feature individualized course planning, particularly the one-of-a-kind Oxbridge program, which is as close to unschooling as a college ever could be. The Oxbridge program has a student meeting with his own tutor who helps the student plan his own college education of independent study and research; the junior year is spent as a fully matriculated student of either Oxford or Cambridge.

Pros: seems very suited for a kid who is accustomed to high-level interaction with peers, tutors, and coaches in small groups, who has been taught to apply more than memorize, and who prefers a safe, handpicked little world in which to be nurtured to a high standard of intellect and leadership. The college recognizes homeschoolers for the fantastic students they are.

Cons: The college, like Liberty itself, is 95% white. All students live on campus, which provides for deep networking that will be to one's advantage but also limits one's interactions and scope.

What should a homeschooled child do to prepare for a William Jewell education? Read. Read widely, and think. Discuss what you read and apply what you read. Write. Write widely, too. Invest time in community service and leadership opportunities such as Scouting and American Legion Boys and Girls State. Take the ACT, aim for a score of at least 27 to qualify for merit scholarships.

The price of the college may seem high, but scholarships to students with the background to prove themselves and are generous, and grants for those who can verify true need are available to close the gap. Once the admissions office whittles your actual cost down to the lowest they can manage, then they will go one step further and divide the cost into 4 no-interest payments spread throughout the academic year.

And what did my (partially) homeschooled young man have to say about it?

College Review series: as my own children start college visits, I will post reviews of campuses in relation to how the campus would work for a homeschooler. I also invite others to send me reviews of colleges they visit with their homeschoolers, which I will then guest-feature.

WFMW: Brain Pop

2011-10-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

Brain Pop is a website with a lot of free content- last year I never paid for a membership, my daughter spent most of the year going through everything they have that's free. We were hooked by then, and this year we paid for access to the rest of their library.

One of the free parts is for Educators~ Webinars, lesson plans, forums to talk to other Brainpop educators including one for homeschoolers. Coming up in November is a webinar on game design.

My kids love Brain Pop. They seek it out. The videos are interesting and informative. The quizzes and activities help the child think about what they have been exposed to.

And, I admit, since we aren't sharing a computer Brain Pop gives me some free time each day.

And that works for me.

WFMW is a meme developed by and linked to http://wearethatfamily.com/.

Occupy , homeschooling and the 1%

2011-10-20T07:51:00.000-05:00

I am the 1%. The 1% of American moms who can "afford to homeschool."

Yes, I actually do hear that all the time. "I admire you for homeschooling. I think that would be great, but we can't afford it, " that is, "for me to stay home with the kids." Am I really that less capable of earning a living than my female counterparts? Because one of the reasons I homeschool is because I have never been able to afford to work outside the home. I was working when I got married- a workstudy job that had me doing social support for a group of 7 disabled adults in an independent living situation. That semester was soon over and I didn't work again until my first baby was nearly a year old; we nannied a preschooler together for $3/hour for about a year. Then the next baby was 6 weeks old and I tried waiting tables at the Johnny Carino's flagship, which lasted all of 4 weeks. My babysitter was taking home more money than I was. That was when I realized: I can't afford to work. I certified as a childbirth prep teacher and doula, but again childcare cost put an end to that. I became a breastfeeding educator (it was natural since I had to get that much educated, myself, to manage to successfully breastfeed my own) and ended working one day a week as a WIC peer counselor. Well, one morning a week. It was all my man could afford to stay home with the kids.

I am the 1%, though. When we moved we couldn't sell our house and were somehow eagerly given a mortgage we can't really afford- yes in the midst of the housing bubble burst. For about six months last year we used our 401k to pay both mortgages; this month we have to do it again or choose which loan to default on. A stuck place to be since in 19 years we have never once been late- much less missed- a rent or mortgage payment. Our credit score is nearly perfect due to years of diligence. But now we have to choose. We've never been completely without income, as my man has cleaned houses and churches when he was "between jobs." He has worked two jobs simultaneously for our entire marriage. Our kids started finding ways to earn their own money- one even started his own company at age 8, worked it for 5 years before selling it to his own 8 year old brother (who lost it when we moved). Even my 7 year old was out raking leaves this week and earned a dollar of her own.

I am the 1%. Actually when you compare what I have to the world... then you see, I am rolling.

I'm the 51,651,878 richest person on earth!

Discover how rich you are!

I am the 1%. I can "afford" to homeschool because our family chooses to do without a lot of things. I take my kids shopping for new clothes at the Goodwill or other peoples' pass-along bags. I don't buy fancy curricula, but scour thrift stores for books and materials. We don't go out to movies, we don't have cable, we rarely go out to eat. We pay cash for our used vehicles and then drive them until we have to sell them to a junkyard. Our kids share rooms so we can squeeze in a boarder. We don't know if we can pay our mortgage this month or next. We run out of money between paychecks. We eat meals based on what was given away at the Food Pantry. We barter services with others. We apply for grants to get home repairs. We work a garden for produce. And my kids rake leaves and do odd jobs for neighbors to earn spending money.

I thought maybe I could find a job to help bring in just a little more, to give us a little more margin. I found almost nothing I was qualified for. There are some cool jobs out there, for sure. For someone who can afford the cost: Must be willing to work nights and weekends. Job is outdoors in all weather including extreme weather. Must be able to lift and carry up to 50 lbs. Must be able to stand on feet all day. Must be able to dress professionally/have a professional appearance. Must be available for paid training- 4 weeks on the other side of the country. Must be available for unpaid training. Must keep your own cellphone to take work calls. Must be available within one hour of being called in for work. Must have CDL. Must have bachelor's degree. Must be a veteran. Must be over 18. Job is part-time, 64-80 hours per pay period. Job is temporary. Job is PRN.

Yet I am the 1%. I'm posting this from a laptop (picked up used) using WIFI at home. With WIFI and the library, careful budgeting, and making choices to do without A so we can have B, we can afford to homeschool. We have choices. We have options. We have that freedom. *But we're still totally annoyed with what we see here.*

Field Trips for Dummies

2011-10-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

pic from http://greatquotationsinc.com

A field trip or excursion, known as school trip in the UK and school tour in Ireland, is a journey by a group of people to a place away from their normal environment.
The purpose of the trip is usually observation for education, non-experimental research or to provide students with experiences outside their everyday activities, such as going camping with teachers and their classmates. The aim of this research is to observe the subject in its natural state and possibly collect samples. In western culture people first come across this method during school years when classes are taken on school trips... source

One thing I love about unschooling is that we have no normal environment. Last week was scheduled as Science City week. Yes, three days in a row to the same field trip.

Day 1, Tuesday. Arriving at Science City around 11 a.m. with a flyer inviting us to "Homeschool Days" I am a little disoriented to hear the unmistakable din of a hundred school children. In my experience, when a popular attraction announces special "Homeschool Day" the place has been reserved for home schoolers to the exclusion of busloads of field trippers. It's not that we want to stay away from public school kids- au contraire. It's just that most places that advertise "Homeschool Day" usually have the space set apart for the day. One of the advantages of homeschooling, after all, is not having to fight crowds at attractions. We notice the public school kids, unleashed into Science City for this three hours for likely the first-and last- time, are bouncing around the place like so many molecules. Bees buzzing from one nectar source to another, they touched, poked, prodded and otherwise tactally tasted bits the museum has to offer without getting very deep into anything.

My kids were much the same: the place is huge, and there is SO much to see and do. It's very exciting. We leave for the quiet of the planetarium.

Day 2, Wednesday, 11 a.m. The place is quiet. Too quiet. I get the explanation: there had been classes scheduled, but they had canceled. Without the distracting frenzy and without long lines, my kids are able to concentrate and take advantage of much one-on-one time with various earth sci displays. An activity involving pudding, cookie crumbs and gummy worms- sure to hook them. They buy fossils and minerals, and tour the Dino Dig area and the Nature Center before it's time to leave. I promise to bring them back but rush them out the door to make a 2:00 appointment.

Day 3, Thursday, 11 a.m. Classes are back. Either we have now been conditioned to huge crowds or this set of classes is more organized; they seem to be groups of 3-4 kids each led by one adult in almost family size pods. Yesterday we departed with a plan in mind, so today we head straight for the Citiblocks room and build for the first 40 minutes. We wind through the Mister E Hotel and take in the optical illusions, go out for lunch, walk through the Railroad Experience. Go out to the Freight Bridge where trains are passing under us. My 5yo exclaims "this is the best day ever for having a train go so close to me!" Back into Science City for an activity involving melted wax- This place really does a great job getting the kids' attention. I have to bribe the kids to leave with double-stuff Oreos.

The staff at Science City observed with me in conversation that there really did seem to be something about bringing the kids 3 days in a row that made the experience start to take a whole new shape. As with our regular visits to the zoo or Kaleidoscope, familiarity has changed the place from one that causes "it's so big let's get it ALL" excitement to one that can become focused and fully experienced.... becoming a real learning opportunity rather than just one of many brief experiences.

Invest in the annual passes, and go regularly. You want these "field trips" to be the normal environment for learning. Go enough that the kids can plan just to focus in on one thing. We actually pack up read-alouds or even hands-on-activities and take them to the library, sculpture garden and or zoo, just to sit down together and do something we would have done at the dining table just a few years ago. Have you ever considered driving to the nearest Romanesque fountain while enjoying your stack of books on ancient Romans?

What's your favorite out-of-the-ordinary go-to spot?

Ask birthblessed: My 8 mo old won't sleep!

2011-10-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

I loaned out my No Cry Sleep Solution years ago and never got it back. But I'm not sure baby sleep is something mothers can easily forget. Otherwise we'd have a lot more children.

Only my First Baby cried in bed as a "parenting plan." I fell for cry it out. And I have always regretted it. It felt wrong then, and we still are working to reverse the problems that came with letting him cry it out- he felt abandoned. He is very intelligent- and that could have been why letting him CIO caused such issues with attachment and abandonment. He was aware that we were ignoring his cries. What he learned is that he could not trust us to meet his needs. The results of sleep training in our home was that of 7, he was the one child with the most sleep issues- hard to fall asleep at night, waking way too early in the morning. Now he's a big old football player who when he gets stressed out he gets angry and puts up walls. It boils down to a fear that no one is listening to him, and no one will meet his needs. And the affect of chronic sleep deprivation.

The rest of my kids were actively parented at night as well as day (as opposed to having the mindset that the kid "should' just go to bed and stay there 12 hours so I can be "off the clock"). This included holding them in my lap all evening, rocking them, laying down in bed with them, letting them play with blocks at my feet til 10 p.m. and keeping a cot for them in my room for years. My youngest two slept 8 hours straight before 6 weeks old- of course the next one up in age was still waking at night. As far as I know, he still does. While #3 wanted to sleep snuggled in the crook of my arm til he was 4, #2 and #4 both preferred to have a bed to themselves (one from birth and the other by 4 months). Each child is different- and YOU are different from child to child as the years pass. But a couple things never seemed to change:

Nursing to sleep is biologically natural and has no downsides. Breastmilk does not cause tooth decay. My oldest who was Ferberized was allowed a bottle of tap water to suck on at night. He has never had a single cavity. My 2nd-born never nursed to sleep, or took a bottle before bed, because he didn't care for it. He is the only one of my children to have had a cavity, and it was at age 10 and unrelated to babymilk. All of the children eventually stopped being nursed to sleep. It's been years since I did that. The best benefit to nursing my babies to sleep was that I rarely missed church, since I could quietly latch my Maya-wrapped baby on and he'd quickly doze off, leaving me to a restful quiet sermon. I actually used this tactic to have a restful church until he was 2 1/2.
Good night-time sleep absolutely requires a healthful daytime routine. Babies do in fact thrive on routine. I nursed on demand, but put a rhythm in the day that included as much natural daylight as possible. Once baby was eating solid food, then a healthful meal routine that was very low on simple processed carbohydrates like crackers and very high in fresh fruit, natural yogurt, organic egg yolks, and natural caught salmon and organic meats (to some extent, some of my kids preferred a vegetarian diet and one child for a time ate nothing but tortillas).

I promise you that parenting them at night is only labor intensive for a short while, and laying down with him to sleep is nature's way of making sure YOU get enough sleep in the process. All those other little things you think you need to do? They'll get done eventually if they matter, or not if they don't. Anyone can pick up the kitchen, make a meal. And no one really suffered for eating mostly fresh fruit and quesidillas most days for months when it was all Mama could handle.

There are LOTS Of us mamas in your shoes, so find a buddy. Every time you go to the store call your Mama Buddy and ask her what you can get for her while you are there. One less trip to the store for her- and next time she's there she can ask you. In fact, if you are able to coordinate it well enough, you can even make it a regular thing- you go this week, I'll go next. I found having a Mama drop in one afternoon where we sat with our babies on the floor on blankets while we folded my laundry and chatted made my week feel not quite so long.

Another trick I've done since #1 is to find a kid age 10-13 nearby who is crazy about babies. And have him/her come over every day for an hour for a dollar or two. The baby is thrilled to have a new friend for an hour, the tween is happy to have some spending money- and it gives you an hour to get some things done.

And rock your baby, swaddle your baby, hold your baby, because he WILL GROW UP. He will apply to colleges. He will get scholarship letters. He will text you to ask you to bring him something to school and you'll say "sure" and he'll text back "Thank you Mommy" and you'll smile. Even if you let him CIO and you end up paying $5000 for some therapy and you feel like you caused it all because you were a terrible mom-- but you know at the same time it isn't true, you have always just done the best you can. And sometimes when you are tired the best you can do is let them cry in the other room for 15-20 minutes because after all you JUST NEED TO PUT HIM DOWN A LITTLE WHILE!

And never ever be afraid to call a Mama Buddy and say "Can you please come hang out with me for an hour?" or "Can I drop my kid off for the afternoon?"

This is what IMO "it takes a village" means. Support, mama, support.

My visual reminder during those years--- get a string and pull out a couple arm lengths of it. Then pinch the end in your fingers and hold it up high. THAT is your life in inches, give or take. Measure from one end to the distance in inches that represents your current age, and wrap a 1" wide piece of masking tape right there. THAT is this year that your baby will depend on you to teach him to trust that his needs will be met. In all your long life, it's just this one year. The nights are long, but honey, the year is short. Lay down with him, tell him all the things you wish for him, tell him how much you love him. Isaiah the prophet, chapter 66 verse 13, As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you. There is nothing that needs to be done in the evening that is more important than laying down with your baby, to lay down a good foundation.

Ed Chat: Core subjects~ Social sciences

2011-10-10T17:30:00.002-05:00

History, geography, sociology and more are all rolled up into social sciences and humanities. We need to be getting beyond rote memorization of names, dates, and places. To become real movers, shakers and thinkers, our kids need to be able to digest the big picture because they have tasted all the small pieces.

Scope and sequence starts kids close to home and takes them in broader circles until they reach the edges of the world. Children go from "who are the people in your neighborhood" to memorizing the signers of the Magna Carta and the date of the 100 Years' War. Is this an effective manner of teaching kids? NAEP reports that our kids are not proficient in their geography test. My 4th grader took the sample test online and only missed one question. So- how do I create a kid who can think and finds a test an interesting afternoon diversion?

http://static02.mediaite.com/geekosystem/uploads/2010/10/true-size-of-africa.jpg

Read. Don't leave maps, dates, places, and names in a textbook-- pull them out of living books. Then get interactive- art that depicts scenes and characters; videos - both "fun" ones like Liberty's Kids cartoons and History channel documentaries weave it all together. Maps and atlases on display and accessible. Sandboxes and plenty of white paper to draw on give children an outlet for showing off what they know in their own creations.

It's probably OK if you use Geography Songs to help your kids memorize all the countries in the world and their capitals. But it's only a beginning- have they experienced the countries? Do they know which ones are warm, mountainous, thriving, at war? Can they share what it all means to their existence? Do they see the people as individuals much like themselves, or is it all vague? Is Africa just a safari? Is Asia limited to The Great Wall?

Resources we like:

The Stay At Home Uniform

2011-10-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

There is a certain preconceived notion about fashion for the Stay-Home mom who is also a Home-School mom. I mean, when people hear that we home-school, they'll ask the kids "So do you do school in pajamas?! (Yes, sometimes.) But I like to make some attempt to get past sweatpants and teeshirts and slippers as my "uniform."My husband telecommutes, as well- can you imagine if we all just dressed in sweats? I can't imagine what message that would send. Some of my kids go to school, and I know that I have a problem with teachers who show up to the school dressed unprofessionally! If it matters what they wear, then it matters what I wear.

If you dress as a person of respect, you will be given that respect. If you dress as though you just rolled out of bed, no matter your intelligence or qualifications, you will never gain the same amount of respect by your colleagues. No matter how hard we try to believe that looks do not matter, THEY DO. What separates you from your intellectual equals is often the superficial: the firm handshake, the confident air, the better resume paper and the attire you chose. source

Most workday, we are indeed more productive if we all have on *work* clothes. My man having on his "work" shirts helps the kids know Dad is At Work, even if he is in the house. He is also less likely to waste company time if he's in his work "uniform." Plus, he is always ready for a conference call- even if it is a video conference call.

For MY part-- I used to be "comfortable" in my denim jumpers and sweatshirts but realized that I'm a grown up now. MY comfort is completely irrelevent in the grown-up world. It's a message I tell my kids all the time-- You are not on this world for your personal comfort. You are here for the betterment of other people and the earth. Yourself is a distant step down.So "home business casual" is the uniform for home-schooling and telecommuting.

To protect clothing in the kitchen, I wear an apron. I have a collection of aprons and find them a fun accessory and absolutely essential to protecting my outfit when I'm cooking or cleaning. I really like a pocket apron when I'm moving through the house, to pick up all those little things that are laying about and need put away. If I am going to the garden, working in the yard, or building or doing heavy cleaning then yes, it is appropriate to wear clothing that is appropriate to the job. One simply must change clothes between tasks. It helps to block tasks so that you are not changing clothes unnecessarily or incessantly. Unless one is four-or-five years old- then it's apparently de rigeur.

I didn't use to get dressed to makeup and shoes (and I still don't manage it *every* day), and I slacked back then. I was depressed, too. My house was a mess. My kids weren't being disciplined. No one had much respect for me, and why should they? I didn't seem to respect myself.

I never have to worry now about getting an invite for coffee- I'm ready! I can invite people over or accept drop-ins. I'm ready. Once in a while, DH and I will look at each other, tell the kids to make themselves a backyard picnic, and we run out for a business lunch. Because we can.

What is your definition of "home business casual"? For me it's our trusty jeans - I have a jean knee length skirt, too. Our collection of message tees is still OK in my book. My man has black company issued logo tees and a couple logo collared twills for "dressing up." I find dresses more comfortable than jeans in warmer months, so I have my collection of spring-summer skirts and dresses. I use big chunky necklaces and fun earrings to dress up the tees.

Alternative/Unschooling the High Schooler into College

2011-10-03T18:49:00.000-05:00

a guest piece by Reneé in San Antonio

Anyone else sent a kid to college without doing all the normal high school classes in your homeschool? We did. Ds 18 was a tough nut to school. "Normal" classroom style work just made his eyes glaze over, and he often ignored it...whether taught by me or by a co-op teacher. I'm sharing a piece of our story in the hopes it will encourage you to think creatively about how learning occurs at the high school level. I hope others will share their alternative education routes too so we can help each other see possible paths to graduation that don't follow the textbook route.

Ds has always had a passion for gadgets, and when he was 12 we bought him a computer. He quickly discovered he loved programming so we fed him a steady stream of expensive programming tools and books so he could self teach. The kid is highly motivated to learn what he wants to learn. He started high school work in 8th grade with biology and Sonlight world history. Then took a couple of co-op classes in ninth grade. Tenth grade he added a class at the local community college (programming..his favorite subject) and did great. Most of this time, though, he spent his hours tinkering with code, making video games, and programming gadgets to "talk" to each other.

So Junior year we talked about doing a big formal education push and having a "real" class schedule. He took four co-op classes plus two college duel credit classes each semester. Big fail! He failed two of the co-op classes and got C's and D's in all the rest. Sigh. I felt like I had really failed him...didn't see this coming...didn't help him manage it well...maybe you understand. Senior year he took three duel credit classes (one of which he nearly failed) plus a half year of pre-cal at home. I basically called it quits at Christmas. He continued to do his programming work at home.

His high school transcript is heavy on the science/computer stuff and really light on English and history; plus I had to get really creative in what I counted as class credit. For example, I had him teach an elementary bridge buiding class to his younger brother complete with testing/grading and record keeping to coerce him into working on organizational and record keeping skills (plus a good review of basic mechanics from when I taught him the class). For his programming I would have him write up a document explaining his progress in programming skill at the end of each semester and then we would name the "class" he had taken to learn it.

Bottom line, for now anyway, is that he wants to go to college. And he can (yipee!!!) because of outstanding PSAT/SAT scores. He even got a great scholarship. I think homeschooling was the best option for him. In a brick school he would have simply failed out and never had the opportunity to go to college.

P.S. This summer he got a fabulous job as a programmer for a little startup company locally. Not only is he making a super decent hourly wage, he can take the job with him to college. So, is that encouraging to you? I hope so. I hope too, that if you have a reluctant textbook learner, that you consider finding their passion and giving them the tools to run with it. Other skills can be slipped in sideways along the way as they follow their dreams.

Waste Not: Bananas edition

2011-09-28T09:42:00.002-05:00

This post is a re-emergence of my old favorite meme, Waste-Not Wednesday!

BANANAS! Do YOU need 20+ lbs of bananas a week? Well, I can use that many and more. Here are my tips for not wasting a single banana.

When you bring them home, fill your sink or a dishpan with water, and add 1 Tbsp vinegar (or bleach, or even just dishsoap). Leave the bananas there as save the rest of your packages. Raise the bananas from the water, give them a shake and set them on a towel to dry. This should virtually eliminate your risk of fruit fly invasion!
You walk into the kitchen and find that the preschooler has opened a banana, taken a few bites, and walked off leaving it half uneaten? Toss it in the fridge. It'll keep for 3-5 days. The part she bit off will "heal" and seal the fruit. Just cut off that 1/4" when you use the banana. Offer it cut up in some yogurt or with a little granola, so she doesn't recognize it, or put it in a smoothie.
Once they have become completely freckled and 'perfect' then just place them in the fridge. The skin will turn brown, but they'll keep for 3-5 days for eating. You can actually keep them over a week and still use them for smoothies during that time. After 2-3 weeks, you can still use them in baking.
Ever heard of substituting applesauce for oil in baking to cut out fat? You could use a ripe mashed banana in place of fat, too, when you are baking muffins or quick breads or even a cake mix.
And of course they can be frozen. It's tricky to peel a frozen banana, and it gets very mushy when it thaws- so peel them and place them in freezer bags. I even break them into chunks and put them on a tray to make "individually quick frozen" banana chunks, convenient for smoothies and baking.

Rather than banana bread, lately we've been using this banana coffee cake with chocolate chip streusel topping. It's *fabulous* although messy!

I'm also linking up this post to Works for Me Wednesday.

Wanna Win Something?

2011-09-27T13:06:00.000-05:00

All of us love to win things. In seventh grade, a friend through childhood started playing clarinet in the band. Not something that had ever been on my radar, but it seemed she was having fun. I asked mom for a clarinet, which I knew very well we couldn't afford. But, mom being mom, she carried me to the music store and started the tedious process of being approved for credit to rent a clarinet. Some of you young folks may not be impressed, but us older folks remember a world where credit was not so easily had. While we waited for her credit to be approved, we noticed a pad of entry forms for a musical instrument giveaway. And we started filling them out, one after another. Within a month, mother had gotten the phone call- We had won the Vito student clarinet. I was super proud of that clarinet. Felt we had worked harder to win that clarinet than the one we'd gotten on credit.

Fast forward to a time when I'm juggling 5 or so kids. The doorbell rings, and it's a Fed Ex man with an envelope. (You know those envelopes that come USPS that say "you may be a winner"? Those are junk mail. If you are a winner, the envelope says Fed Ex and you have to sign for it.) I was absolutely flabbergasted- Seventh Generation company was telling me I had won a washing machine, just call this 800 number to schedule delivery. And here's a case of laundry cleaner to go with it. WHAT? Now truth be told I'd only bought a new washer a few years prior, so I sold that winning washing machine to someone from church who needed a washer. For a few moments, after it arrived all shiny new, I considered keeping it just so I could do 2 loads at a time.

Yesterday (in the USPS mail) my son got a big old envelope, one side clear, showing a certificate inside printed with his name and $30,000!!!!!! Yeah, it looked akin to an old Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes mailer. The thing is, it's not entirely a fake. Yup, it was from a college who will in fact give him a $30,000 scholarship ($7500 each of 4 years) just because he was an American Legion Boys State delegate.

So, my homeschool and public school friends- make sure that your kid knows about American Legion Boys and Girls State. It's only open to kids who have completed their junior year and have at least one more semester left of school. In most cases, all expenses have been paid by a sponsor of a local American Legion Post. And there are hundreds of scholarships available to kids who complete the week of Boys State/Girls State. At any rate, your child will leave a changed kid. He'll say things like "don't say that, it's combative. Express it in a more congenial way to persuade them to your point of view." This benefits younger siblings, too! My 9th grader is getting more involved in leadership activities earlier on than his brother, and is paying better attention to his GPA, in hopes that *his* resumé will be more competitive for the scholarships than his brothers'.

And that right there, makes this mom feel like I've won something- kids who go after achievement and do hard things.

My Kid's a High School Senior!

2011-09-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

There is drama in the house; the Senior's schedule isn't what he's planned last Spring. He's 18 now, so he made an executive decision last week: he wasn't going to school. He needed a mental health day. He needed to come to terms with the fall term. See, he did a lot of add/drop of classes -the THIRD week of school. I'm not sure that his schedule was so bad to make this new problem necessary, but this is his rodeo, not mine. So his day off was supposedly catching up in Chem 2 and Spanish 3 (moved into those from Environmental Science and Spanish 2) and making effort on the Precal that he just isn't "getting." He has to get over this hump- he is depending on scholarships for college, so he must be able to maintain the GPA under any pressures so as not to lose the scholarships.

Every day he gets a stack of mail from colleges. He even got a Birthday card from one. He's evaluating his choices, already making early applications, and has been writing essays and finding and applying for scholarships since June.

I'd like to think he'll actually read this message from a homeschooler off to her Freshman year at Richmond:

Go With Your Gut: When writing an admissions essay, many people fall into the trap of telling a college what they think it wants to hear. Essays about ending world hunger and discovering the always elusive solution to all the world’s problems are run of the mill (note use of cliché). Therefore, when one college prompted me to write about “What outrages you” I chose the first thing that came to mind: my least favorite book series, Twilight, and the detrimental effect it has on tween girls. However, I doubted my choice and began an essay on assisting underprivileged children in Indonesia. After severe writer’s block, I returned to my original essay and was accepted by that college!
Learn to Laugh at Yourself: By the end of my senior year, I had applied to twelve colleges. That’s right, twelve. This meant that I had written around fifteen different essays and had saved several drafts of each essay in the same folder. By the time I was finishing up my application to college number twelve, all the essays looked the same. As a result, I accidentally submitted the same essay twice. Two completely different prompts, but only one essay… After I realized my error, my mom and I laughed for about a day afterwards because we couldn’t believe we had made such a silly mistake. But the truth is, mistakes happen. Thankfully I was able to get in touch with the admissions department and straighten out the essay confusion. That situation could have been extremely stressful and discouraging, but with a sense of humor, I was able to smooth it out fairly painlessly.
Take a Break: Twelve applications was a lot of work and got old pretty quickly. To keep myself from going completely insane, I decided to fill out a very different application. Survivor. One of my all time favorite TV shows. I have been watching this show since the first season and amid all of the college applications, I had an epiphany: I’m finally old enough to apply! In between college essays, I grabbed my little sister and we filmed the most ridiculous application video I think Survivor has ever seen because it didn’t get me on the show. But it definitely provided some much needed stress relief for me and for my family as they enjoyed laughing at my “wilderness skills.”
Keep An Open Mind: You may think you know exactly where you are going to college next year, and honestly, you may not have it right. I didn’t know anything about Richmond until December of last year. My mom suggested it and my first thought was “What is interesting about Virginia?” However, I did my research online and fell in love with the school and all of the programs it had to offer. It only took a few weeks before Richmond went from number twelve to number one on my list.
Evaluate the Pros and Cons: I know this looks like a boring final point, but a pro/con list was probably one of the most helpful things I did during my college application process. This was a skill I learned after watching numerous reruns of Gilmore Girls. After every college visit, I wrote out a detailed pro/con list including every single boring or shallow detail about the school, from the quality of the programs to how the students dressed. Then in late April (a bit too close to that big May 1st deadline) I sat down with all of my lists and just stared at them. Thankfully, I had my little sister to make sense of it all for me. She subtracted the cons from the pros to give each school a score. Richmond scored a twenty-two, while no other school broke ten; one even had a grand total of negative four. After she was done, she looked at me and said “You’re going to be a Spider!”

My friend Susan posted Tips For Parents of High School Seniors to address other Senior issues. Here are some extras from me:

Hie thee to College Confidential. Actually if you are competitively serious about college, start here earlier, like at least 8th grade.
Use every resource you have available- http://www.hippocampus.org/ and http://www.khanacademy.org/ and all the resources provided by textbook publishers can fill in where an overworked, busy, inexperienced or just plain bad teacher fails. I've always told my kids, "If you didn't learn anything today, it's your own fault" and "Every day is a school day."
Submit something to the Art & Writing competition. Who knows where it could take you?

Tantrums in the 3 year old.

2011-09-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm having a lot of issues trying to out live all the tantrums my daughter is going through. I am also having the hardest time having patience and not getting angry when she throws tantrums constantly about little things. She's almost 3.

Tantrums at 3 huh? Did no one warn you that the "Terrible Twos" don't really exist- it's the Threes that will get you, every time.

Part of me wants to tell you, "I got nothin." My oldest pitched fits when he was 3, and he's still pitching them now. Yet- all of my kids did have some tantrums as toddlers and for the most part have outgrown them. Here, I suppose, are my Mommy's Rules For Tantrums.

Go with your own discretion, of course. General disclaimer, your kid may be more like my firstborn. I can tell you I tried EVERY parenting book with that kid and the one that finally worked the most was the playful, intuitive parenting that looks very loosey-goosey to most people looking in on us, and they'll all tell me I'm not being firm enough. Trust me, I tried firm. It only made his tantrums turn into a full on deep rooted bitter anger. Firm is not always a great plan.
Assess your child. I used the acronym HALT. Hungry- Angry- Lonely- Tired. Does my little one have a need that is not being met? This helps me in several ways. I recognize there is a cause behind behavior so I don't take the behavior as a personal affront. I pay attention to my child to prevent these causes/unmet needs. I respond to my child by helping him learn to communicate his needs in a more social manner.
While being sensitive to his personhood, also don't coddle. I'm not raising children. I'm raising adults. Adults who hopefully have empathy for others. So I show empathy. I want them to care, so I show care. But I want them not to be emotionally manipulative, so I call them on it and tell them to cut it out.

Things I actually DID during a child's tantrum:

Control corner. "Oh man, you are having really big feelings and fussing about your problem. Take your big feelings over to the control corner, cuddle up and feel safe, and get it all out. Come back when you've found your control and can come up with a solution, even if your solution is to ask me to help."
Come get a hug and let's collaborate. "You are making a huge feeling for [the red cup]. I guess you really want it. That doesn't work for me this time, but you can come sit on my lap while you use the blue cup, and we'll make a plan for when you use the red cup."
Cut it out/suck it up. "Hey, you've been given lots of options and you're just not getting it. Cut it out/suck it up. I honestly can't talk to you about it anymore right now. It's hurting my ears."

Since the root of most tantrums is the young one's inability to effectively communicate, the tantrums should pare down as the child's understanding increases. I can't find a video of any of my kids throwing fits, but I did find a video of 5 of them playing with their 4 cousins for over 5 minutes without a single tantrum. So it must have worked a lot of the time.... right?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-21T10:33:00.000-05:00

Puppy Pile

Ed Chat: Core subjects~ Science

2011-09-19T10:35:00.003-05:00

So many homeschoolers that I talk to say the same thing- they make sure that they do math and phonics every day, and work everything else into the week. History, social studies, geography, science, arts. The same thing is happening at our public schools across the nation. The mean number of hours spent teaching core subjects in public schools, per week (ref):

English/Reading/Language arts 11.0
Arithmetic/Mathematics 4.8
Social studies/History 2.4
Science 2.2

Now the above referenced study does make note that perhaps some teachers are reporting time spent writing a paper for a history class as both history and language arts, so it's possible that the above statistics are inflated for language arts and conflated for history and science- after all, when a language arts exercise uses sentences that include historical or scientific anecdotes, do the teachers similarly give credit as hours spent in science instruction?

11 hours a week on English instruction, for a population who learned English without any instruction before the age of 3? And 2.2 hours a week for Science? That's 26.4 minutes a day, y'all.

I admit that I could be considered a hypocrite- I don't have "science class" for even 26 minutes most weeks. However, I feel science is important, and I always have. To that end, I have an entire bookshelf dedicated to science books at all reading levels, from Tale of a Tadpole (DK READERS) to The Amazing Brain. I keep organizers filled with minerals, fossils, crystals, shells, petrified wood, coral, and even found objects such as animal bones, pieces of tree limbs with hole nests bored into them, and carefully and intricately twig-woven nests from fallen limbs. My kids have had a balance scale and gram cubes available since toddlerhood. Tessaract sets. Magnifying glasses, magnets of all shapes, and a microscope. Electronics components, chemistry guides, body models. National Geographic for Kids, trips to natural science museums, and lots and lots of time outside to explore and observe. We take observation notebooks with us to the zoo; we have taken nature walks; we have visited the children's science museums. And technology- my kids spend hours a day using computers. They make and upload videos to YouTube, play skill games, watch informative videos, read blogs, write blogs, and take it to the kitchen or outdoors to try out experiments. They learn how to use 3D animation design software and dip into programming.

I encourage my children to spend most of their time in science related activities- it may resemble a free-for-all. However, since "they" like to use tests to determine which students receive the best education- let's go to the NAEP Questions tool to determine how this is working for us. The results nationwide show that about a third of MO children are at an advanced level, and my 4th grader is among them- I self-administered the questions linked here, and he got all but 1 correct.

Here are just a few resources I read, some of them I also have the children read.

Do you use a science curriculum? Link to it in your comments. Do you "free-style" science? Share any other resources you use in the comments!

Felt really smug

2011-09-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

Our Back to School art project

About my schedule which included writing, and cleaning and all. Then school started. To be truthfully honest, all the August posts were written in a few days' time, and then prescheduled to appear throughout the month. And in the 6 weeks since I did that, I haven't had a moment to write since.

The other day I posted to Facebook that I actually was sitting in a quiet house, and I was turning on my writing music and was going to WRITE! And before I could press "send" or "enter" or whatever it is on FB, my phone rang - someone who had tried to call me twice previously to set up a meeting time to discuss the community garden. And before I could finish setting up our appointment and hang up, the door chimed as it opened and my teenagers flooded in from their day at school. Le sigh.

On the bright side, homeschooling is zipping along. I have done hours of yardwork, filling 8 lawn bags (and guess what, yes I get blisters all over my skin from working with Wisteria, even on skin that was completely covered by clothing). I have done hours of community garden work. I have become football team mom since my son is a Senior, so I have organized meals for every Friday to feed the team and I have personally been at the school every Friday since game 1, to serve the boys. I have worked concession stand at one game and managed to photograph that and one other game, tag-teaming with my 10yo. All that, and I've also team-taught a new parents class at the community center on behalf of the Women's Clinic in Independence, and my man and I have convened a parenting class at the Parish Center of our local church every Sunday afternoon.

#58, my oldest, telling the other team to Bring It On

Transitioning to 3 teens in high school has been mind-numbing sometimes: the angst of making schedule changes during the add/drop period, the barrage of college mail and the attempt to narrow down choices to plan visits..... My two oldest also have birthdays this month, too. I had to juggle doing concessions for the first home game AND a 16th birthday party happening at my house on the same night. Thank god for my kids' dad. My man is such a trooper, staying home to roll out pizzas and celebrate a 16th birthday, so that I could ~~be entombed in a west-facing concrete tomb on a 100 degree afternoon~~ gallavant at the football stadium. The rest of this week I am hosting a cross-country-moving family friend, doing a football game, and having an 18th birthday party for my oldest.

Baby's Massage Chair

And to really stretch and challenge me, my baby is hanging off me, begging for kindergarten every day, begging me to give her dreadlocs one day and a pixie cut the next, asking me to read to her and give her computer games to play and to tag along with me every errand I need to go. This has been the most ironic joke of my parenting life-- that my firstborn and lastborn are each high-needs kids. The middle kids are all happy to run as a pack, quietly plotting their escapades. So here it is a couple days later, I still haven't had time to write. I have several "story starters" in my files as new posts. But I can't really write when I'm surrounded by chattering monkeys, but I will figure out something because I miss writing.

How has your back-to-school transition gone? Is there anything with which you struggle?

Ed chat: The Real Reason the Front Row Kids are Better Students

2011-08-30T09:40:00.001-05:00

Since I was in high school, I've heard that if you want to get the best grades, you should sit in the front row. In a search, I saw allusions to "a study" but could not find such a study. A real study, of course, would include some kind of control group, such as a trial with various students taking turns in the front row, keeping all other variables constant. If this has been done, I cannot find evidence of it. I would find it interesting, however- so please let me know if you have a link!

In my spare time I do wordsmithing and copyediting for my husband the engineer: white papers, client proposals, even his bio required when he goes to teach at a conference. He sends me a file with all his knowledge, usually around 1500 words. I send him back his finished paper, usually around 600 words and more easily understood by any layman. Last week I found a white paper particularly compelling-- and it answered for me the age-old urban legend of "students in the front row are better students."

I learned that a dB meter only measures ONE frequency at the spot you are standing with the meter. The dB(A) measurement is a set of readings from all over the room and at every frequency range (or at least, a dozen or so), and then averaged. Did you know that most classrooms are SO noisy with background noise that they are starting at 35-45dB(A)? The rooms with fans running may be 50dB(A). The tile floors with the chairs scraping; kids tapping; the hum of the HVAC.... all of this background noise is lowering the INTELLIGIBILITY of the teacher's voice!

The colorful chart at left represents a "typical" classroom. The darkest spot in the middle of the red is the Teacher who is speaking.

Most people with no reported hearing loss can follow along well with about 70% intelligibility, as their brains can fill in the gaps.

The red-orange-yellow colors represent 90%-80%-70% intelligibility.

So you see in this "typical" classroom, only about 1/16 of the classroom has adequate intelligbility. Most of the kids can only hear about half of what is being said. The kids in the back only hear a few words.

It happens in other places, too. I'm struggling at our church gatherings to hear. I can hear the pastor just fine, because he wears a headset mic, until the A/C kicks on. Then I can't hear unless I'm sitting up in that orange zone (which I never do, because I can't sit still enough to sit in the middle where I'd distract everyone by my moving around). Even sitting up in the green zones above, I can almost never understand more than a word here and there of the other men who use handheld mics, because they don't hold them right.

Were you a "front-seat" scholar? And if your kids go to a brick-and-mortar school, do they sit in the front?

Pantry cooking: Cheesy Enchilada Bake

2011-08-23T17:20:00.000-05:00

One of the hallmarks of frugal and thoughtful living is to utilize one's pantry- rather than running out to purchase a missing ingredient.

Tonight I had on hand:
1/2 bag of starting-to-stale corn tortilla chips
16 oz crumbled feta cheese
eggs
4 dried chili pods
butter, flour, and of course rice.

The first thing I did this afternoon was to place the 4 dried chili pods into a 4-cup Pyrex measuring cup, cover with 2 cups warm water, then place the 2-cup measuring cup on top to keep them submerged. Then I measured out the rice and got it going. (Do you have a rice steamer? I don't. I still do it on the stovetop, old fashioned like.)

After the chili pods were soft, I pull off the tops, rip them open, and rinse off the seeds. Then I rip them into 1" pieces and place in the blender with the juice made from soaking. Process on high for about 10 pulses, or 20 seconds, whatever- leave no large pieces in there. Place a mesh over the measuring cup, and pour the processed liquid through the mesh, using a spoon to force it all through the mesh. Discard the stuff you caught. Now, place a saucepan on a medium flame and melt 1 Tbsp butter. Add 1 Tbsp flour and stir, then slowly add the chili liquid while stirring constantly to prevent lumps. I added a clove of garlic as well. Cook and stir for 2-5 minutes to let the sauce thicken a little.

Now make a cheese goop: break 4 eggs into a bowl and stir. Add 8-12 oz feta cheese, and if you have it some monterrey jack or co-jack, but only 1/2 cup-ish. I had a jalepeno so I chopped it and added it too. You could add sour cream- I considered it (but saved it for a garnish). You want it wet enough to spread, or sort of like the cheese goop for lasagne.

To make my enchilada bake, I drizzled some chili sauce in the bottom of my cassarole dish, then put down a layer of my nearly-stale and somewhat crushed up tortilla chips. I then dropped the cheese goop by spoonfuls, covering the layer of chips. Over all of this I drizzled the rest of the chili sauce. I crunched the rest of the chips smaller and then layered them all over the top of my mess... then I sprinkled on some more co-jack for good measure. They'll eat anything with visible cheese.

So we're fixing to sit down to eat this. I heated up the last 12 chicken nuggets to ~~toss to the wolves and watch them fight over them~~ to supplement the offerings in case the littles didn't like it. And we have the rice I mentioned before. I also found guacamole in the freezer!

I thought I'd share with you: I googled and found something similar: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/goat-cheese-enchiladas-recipe/index.html

What kind of experiments have you done in the kitchen when you can't (or choose not to) run out and pick up a missing ingredient?

Homeschool chat: unschooling means choosing to learn

2011-08-22T12:30:00.000-05:00

(edited slightly; originally posted 3/11)

Homeschool mom's job: line them up for success, aim as well as you can, then take what you get- knowing that ultimately they choose whether to smile...

I have heard comments, "I can see letting teens plan their own education to some extent, but I don't see how it works for young children." At my house, the early years, or preschool, is through age 8 or so. The children spend their early years learning to fill their own time. The traditional setting dictates to a child how to spend nearly every moment of his day- wake up early enough to get ready, put on a uniform, get to school on time, sit at a desk at this moment, walk to another class at that time, eat now or never, do some more work now, read this at this time, go home when it's over, do homework, play if there is time, eat, do chores, go to bed. My belief is that it is important to learn to fill your own time- not to depend entirely on an outwardly imposed schedule- for moral, intellectual and social development. Becoming a truly responsible person requires the opportunity to risk irresponsibility: freedom of choice, freedom of action, and freedom to experience failure (or "consequences") results in a responsible person. Children who are unschooled have the freedom to choose and act and experience failures that lead to nurturing a true responsibility that comes from a core character quality rather than simply acting to gather rewards or avoid punishments.

The child who does not know how to occupy his own time can become morally stunted: she whines that she is bored, they destroy things out of boredom, and he makes trouble to create his own excitement, interest or attention. This child is overly concerned with self: how good am I, what makes me come out on top? The intellectually stunted child presses you to tell her the answers to all her questions, he gives up easily, and they make trouble for others demanding to be provided with information and interesting activities. This child is overly concerned with frivolity and things: what amuses me, what is pretty, what excites my senses? This child can become dull to stimulus and crave more and more, addicted to anything that might stimulate the mind passively. Becoming a truly inquisitive person requires opportunities to experience a vacuum: no set curriculum, no set schedule, no set evaluation methods. The void of a set curriculum gives children freedom to learn so much more! The void of a schedule means every moment is a learning moment. The void of evaluation means the child becomes aware and adept at self-determination.

Children who cannot occupy their own time become socially stunted. This child can only operate in a competitive peer-influenced and adult-managed environment, is easily depressed or influenced, and makes trouble for others in an attempt to self-determination against the norms. This child is overly concerned with measuring herself against peers, media, fashions and whims. This child becomes a bore and a bully. Becoming a socially forward person requires mixing continually with diverse ages, characters, and experiences and learning to put oneself in such stimulating environments. The traditional classroom, scope and sequence, and age segregation simply herds children through processes that allow a stamp of approval that the child went through the process; there is never any real measurement of the personhood and no real concept of the place in the culture for such a product.

With the pressure to improve schools, increase learning, and submit to standardized tests, when is the child supposed to learn to occupy himself?

The early years should be spent in complete freedom- transitioning from babyhood into young adulthood is the time to learn to self-regulate. To go to bed, to wake up on one's own, to feed oneself with health-promoting foods, to care about the world and others around them and to seek to understand it through exploring, experimentation and evaluation as well as reading others' explorations. Without outside pressure, children will choose to become experts on dinosaurs, robots, wars and weapons, period costumes, historical figures, inventions and inventors, and any other number of things. They will learn to read if read to, spoken to, and given plenty of rich materials and free time away from too many peers. They will learn arithmetic in the same environment, particularly when allowed to cook, travel near home, earn money and spend it. They will learn to occupy their time and in so doing begin to seem like true pre-adults with their big eyes, deep discoveries and logical remarks. Then, they can enter a season of honing and becoming corporate (large body) leaders.

Five things that parents of school children can do to add a bit of unschooling to their curricula

How much carefree time daily are you giving your kids? How do you plan to incorporate a little unschooling into your chid's day?

Homeschool Chat: What is you favorite part about teaching your kids at home?

2011-08-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

One favorite part of teaching my kids at home? Just one? Let's assume you aren't talking about the lazy reasons- don't have to buy school uniforms, play beat the clock every weekday morning, drive my kids to school on cold or wet days, or deal with classroom posturing and politics.

By far my favorite part of teaching my kids at home- that I really miss when one goes to brick school- is seeing my kids' delight in figuring things out for themselves.

See, I gave up "doing school at home" years ago in favor of a more organic approach to education. The part of home schooling that will be hard pressed to have a replica in a brick and mortar place is the complete freedom for a child to discover things for himself.

Of course there is also the snuggling on the couch with a good book.

So let's see the list, comrade home schoolers! What's YOUR favorite part?

Seven Kids: Keep the house visitor ready in 15 minutes a day!

2011-08-17T08:00:00.066-05:00

I have seven kids, a college boarder, and my work-from-home husband in my 1893 Victorian. I like for neighbors, friends and travelers to pop in- and don't like to worry about how much notice I was given. But like the rest of you, I don't have money for a maid or hours to spend in housework. Here is how I keep my house pretty much clean and usually ready for drop-ins, using not much more than 15 minutes a day.
How I have developed this is particular to my house and works for me. The general idea is to start from the front and work to the back; inside that I work from the top downward. Once you break your home's areas into 5 chunks, give one to each day. After that, pick the tool that you can use most adeptly- I highly recommend learning to use a Steam Cleaner. Set a timer or set your iPod to play 5 upbeat songs (more or less 15 minutes). Fill your steamer and follow steps a little like this:

Monday. Put dust attachment on steamer: start from the ceiling and do light fixtures, ceiling, shelves, picture frames, lamps, curtains and walls down to baseboards. Wipe all glass. Vaccuum any rugs, roll area rugs up from an edge and sweep/vaccuum under them. Vaccuum uphostered furniture. Put mop attachment on steamer and mop hard surfaces.
Tuesday. Pull off the shower curtain and place it and all the white towels in the washing machine. Refill your hand soap dispenser (I like to use one with natural essential oils that are strongly scented so that they also leave a fresh scent in the room each time it's used). Use your favorite cleaner - be watching for a side by side comparison of Bon Ami, BarKeeper's Friend and baking soda- on tub, sink and toilet. Use your steamer to give everything the once-over; take care not to neglect the plumbing connections or the baseboards. Put the mop attachment on, and mop the floor. Take five minutes and pay attention to the grout, it's worth it. You'll have to come back in an hour or two and hang your shower curtain back up when you put the towels in the dryer.
Wednesday. Spray Seventh Generation All Purpose Cleaner, or the All Purpose from Trader Joe's, on the stovetop, range hood, countertops, microwave and front of the fridge and cabinets, then wipe it all in the order you sprayed. Shine the kitchen sink with Bar Keepers Friend. Grab the steamer and use it on the ceiling fan, the filters on the range hood, the open metal shelves, and the cabinet crevices and edges. Use it to sterilize all handles and knobs and the breakfast bar surface. Put the mop attachement on, and mop the floor.
Thursday: Bust clutter that has accumulated on porches, in the mud room, vestibule/entry, and on stairs. Look up and sweep porch ceilings, light fixtures, and walls. Sweep porches and walkways, clean welcome mats.
Friday: Clean your stairs. Look up and dust cobwebs and light fixtures. Spray your all purpose spray on your washable paint and wipe the handprints off the walls. Wash the handrail. Use your steamer to shoot the cracks/crevices of each riser free of dust and grime, and mop or vaccuum the stairs. I have FOUR sets of stairs in my house~ I can only do one set in 15 minutes. To tell the truth I only do the basement stairs 4 times a year. The stairs to my 3rd floor suite get done every 2 months. The Grand Staircase and back service stairs get done alternating weeks.

Can I really do all this in 15 minutes each day? Not really, but if I give the house 15 minutes, at least some of it will have gotten done. Pick up next time where you left off, each thing being done once or twice a month is better than not being done at all. Sometimes I'll spend 20-30 minutes, especially if I missed a day in the previous week. The thing is though, if you do actually spend 15 minutes a day, nothing is ever SO messy that it takes SO long to keep caught up.

My real secret is my steam cleaner- since I got it, so much can be done with it so much faster. Like shooting dust off ceiling fans and off baseboards..... fantastic. And notice, you pretty much have to start with a basic level of tidyness-- no dish piles in the sink, no pots sitting on the stove, no piles of anything anywhere. That's another 15 minutes if you have to pick that up first. It's a basic that I keep on top of though- don't put something down, put it away.

And what do the kids do during the 15 minutes? Their own rooms and toiletry baskets and the bathroom they share. They can't mess anything up if they are cleaning, too. I usually do my master suite on Saturdays, and ask them to clean their bedrooms then too.

When you're done, you deserve a treat! Make time for a latté, and sit down to make a phone call to chat with your best friend or grandma or mom, or pick up a book for another 15 minutes. Don't forget to set a timer!

Homeschool Chat: What pitfalls should we avoid?

2011-08-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

I think every homeschool parent has experienced a pitfall. One of mine was believing there was a cause-effect value of homeschooling.

IF I kept my kids insulated from the world, safely home where they soaked up only our values, THEN they'd be congenial and mature (certainly not teens in the cultural sense of the word) and always submissive, sweet, and self-reliant.

*snicker*

Please watch out for the ~~pothole~~ sinkhole of that kind of thinking.

Any other moms willing to 'fess up to ending up in the snare of the tiger?

Seven Kids: StinkyFEET!!!!

2011-08-12T18:38:00.000-05:00

I know it happens to you, too. You're all in the car, or gathered in the living room for a movie, when suddenly.... ewwwwwww! Who took off their shoes????

Here are the things I've done to reduce foot/shoe odor at our house- and it seems to have worked!

Put a handful of clay cat litter in a spare sock, perhaps with some essential oils if the litter's not scented, and stuff these in the shoes between wearings to absorb moisture and odor.
Do not wear the same shoes two days in a row. Give them a breather! I've actually been told that the shoes wear longer if they have a chance to rest a day, as your weight continually compresses the soles.
Rub a sprinkle of baking soda on the bottoms of the feet and between toes to act as a deoderant.
Wash the shoes in the washing machine and let them air dry if they are already way stinky, or use Febreze, or even an "oxy" type pet carpet cleaner.

Do you have any tips for stinky feet?

Tomato/Tomato, metaphor for gospel conversations with your kids

2011-08-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

Drop the dramatic monologue to the preschooler. The five minute dramatic retelling of Christ's shed blood for you is not "bringing them up in the nurture of the Lord." Pick up Shepherding a Child's Heart or Give Them Grace - they both have in common the long long paragraph examples of how to explain to your young child the importance of believing in his own regeneration soley through the substitutionary atonement. Ditch them.

It's like the man who had a garden full of tender tomato transplants.
He'd taken each little one out of the nursery, setting them one by one out in the carefully tilled and fertilzed raised beds, then carefully erected a stake, trellis or cage around each one to give guidance, its own place to grow and hold it upright. Then he smiled and clapped his hands together, and even offered a prayer to God. He was eager to see fruit develop. So he watched. A bug appeared on one plant, so he drenched the plant with a full 5-gallon bucket of water. A tender sucker shoot appeared, and the man doused it with a full 5-gallon bucket of water. A flower developed, and he showered it with a full 5-gallon bucket of water. And the plant gasped for air, grew mold, and began to rot.

An old gardener told him, "Check your youth daily, and pull small weeds out as soon as they appear. Pinch emerging suckers before they sap the energy away from the fruit. Prune off lower, old, branches, as the plant's growth continues upward to keep the energy flowing upwards towards growth and fruit. But check the upward growth, lest a leggy plant think that soaring ever higher is the goal and forget to bear fruit.

"And water? Deeply water, and keep water nearby and in reserve, but allow the soil to dry out on the surface between waterings. Keep the water near the roots, and never sprinkle when the sun is burning hot on them. But you know, a nice light but firm spray will knock bugs off to the ground."

Do you feel metaphors for life as you garden? I always do and wonder if it's part of life beginning in a garden. Jesus always taught his disciples by using metaphors and stories- he rarely lectured. Let the little children come to you for guidance and discipling and teach them through stories, keeping them well watered with prayer and daily declarations of the gospel, not in word but in deed.

Homeschool Chat: How do you keep from going crazy being cooped up in your house much of the day, especially in the winter?

2011-08-08T08:00:00.004-05:00

Bundle up and head outdoors!

Tough question. For the last 12 years this hasn't been a particular issue for me, as we lived south of I-20, where winter was short and sweet, alternating with quite warm days. It was fairly easy to coop up one or two days a week. I mean, that's like a needed day of rest.

But last winter, we were really cooped in the house for the first time since we'd left Colorado. January was snowy. And don't try to tell me, "At least your 3 teen boys were at brick school" because they weren't- they had 10 snow days from school.

So here's a few tips I can think of...

Admit that your carefully planned "routine" isn't going to work perfectly every day through the Long Winter.
Put lots of towels on the floor. Every (other?) evening throw them in the wash right after the last person comes in for the night, toss them in the dryer before you head to bed, and first thing in the morning, lay them all out- in front of doors, in high traffic areas. Much better than carpet runners, which can't be tossed into the laundry each night.
Keep a steady supply of hot chocolate and oatmeal.
Keep a reading time in a sunny window. If no sunny window is available, get a light therapy fixture, grow lamps and start a little hydroponic area, or Zoloft. (You think I'm kidding?)
Lest you gain 10 lbs every winter, it's best to keep a regular morning exercise routine, too.

Anyone have any other tips?

Teen Life: Praying for the future spouse

2011-08-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

When I met my husbands parents for the very first time, my soon to be mother in law took my hands and looked me in the eye, and said, "I've been praying for you all his life." When our second child was born she gave us a cassette tape, I Love You, on which was a song that went:

Somewhere there's someone, waiting for you

And someday that someone will say, "I do."

And maybe that someone is with mommy too

and maybe that Mommy is praying for you.

This reminded me of my mother in law's words, and since then I've prayed over my kids for their future spouses- not every night, mind you. I get distracted just like the rest of you, with everyday things. But it does come to my mind, and I remember. Particularly with my eldest dating now. (Smile.)

But what do I pray for? I don't want to just have a laundry list of expectations that could possibly cloud my acceptance of any future husband or wife of any of my children. If I prayed for one thing, and got another, what then? Would I live with bitterness and disappointment? Rather, I pray simply that my children will walk in the light. That they will have a steady head when it comes to picking a mate. Or even, if it's the way it turns out, that they'll have a steady head through the life of a bachelor/ette.

While I pray for the future spouse I also remain a dating coach for my kids. I tried pretending that my kids wouldn't have dating issues (back when they were little it was easy to imagine). The truth is, my teens need a coach and advocate as they date. I do call the mothers of the sweet girls my boys favor, in order to discuss how we feel about how things are going between our kids. When the kids want to see one another, I check with the other parent to investigate important questions like who is chaperone, how much time will they have unsupervised, and are you OK with their plans? I have delighted in corresponding with the girls directly- drawing them out to get a look into their characters, their hopes, their dreams. I take the attachments being formed seriously- and give them a certain measure of honor, asking the kids if they'd like to invite their sweetie over rather than making them ask me if they can go out.

Me and my 3rd child, the day he was baptised

Praying for the future spouse while also honoring dating attachments of the present, and coaching the kids through their healthy dating days, gives me hope for good futures for my kids.

Do you have experience navigating dating and kids picking spouses? What would you share with me and the other readers?

Homeschool Chat: What is one thing you wish you had known up front?

2011-08-01T08:00:00.001-05:00

There are two things I wish I'd known up front:

1. Do not get caught up in the cult-like aspects of The Homeschooling Movement. Dresses only, prairie muffins, quiver full, courtship only, dietary restrictions and other "crazy" things. Homeschoolers have already proven that they like to think outside the box, which leads them into many interesting rabbit trails. Be careful that you don't follow just to be part of the cool crowd- really think about what will work for your situation. And really, don't homeschool from a place of fear (like you are afraid the public schools are poisonous-- they aren't necessarily).

2. Education choices are not made in Sharpie. Pencil in your plans, because things change. Sometimes midyear. Be willing to make small-and large- changes as needed. It's even ok to ditch an expensive curriculum after a month or two, if it's not working for you.

What are things you wish YOU had known before you started homeschooling?

[Linked up with Hip Homeschool Blog Hop!]

Homeschool Chat: How did you decide to homeschool?

2011-07-28T12:54:00.001-05:00

This is how I started homeschooling: my oldest sat and listened to me read aloud all 7 books of the Chronicles of Narnia the year he was 3-4, and I knew his comprehension was fine because he dumped the people out of the Fisher Price bus, took the lion from the circus train, and played High King Peter all day long. I was a little concerned that he thought High King Peter was also Peter and the Wolf, but it's an easy misunderstanding for a 3 year old, right? Let me back up here...

at 7 months he learned to crawl with a board book in his hands, and told me plaintively, "Wee Boote Me." At 9 months he sorted his toys by colors. At 12 months he sorted by shapes and sizes- the contents of my kitchen cabinets, not the toys. At 18 months I got a phonics songs tape, within 6 weeks he knew the whole tape by heart and extrapolated the phonic sounds from the songs to everyday situations. Before he was 3, he quoted back to me the first chapter of the Gospel of Matthew (the chapter with the "begats") because he'd listened to it on cassette. The worst part was his birthday was September 17, so while I figured it would not be fair to a kindergarten teacher to send her a 5yo whose favorite movie was King Henry V, the real problem is that he couldn't legally start kindergarten until he was fixing to turn 6. By the time he was 6, he had read Swiss Family Robinson- unabridged- and compared and contrasted the adventure to High King Peter's adventures.

When he was fixing to turn 14, I enrolled him at a nearby charter school who accepted him as a 9th grader (after asking him to take the 8th grade exit exams, which he did with nearly perfect scores after about 30 minutes' work). But after 2 years I felt he wasn't getting the most of it because he was pretty much a year younger than the rest of the class. He was underachieving-- he didn't see the point of getting good grades, because, and I quote, "I don't need grades to prove I'm smart. I know I'm smart." He also tended to be easily influenced into making less than stellar personal and social choices- and he was getting into trouble. He was also still bored in the classroom which led to fooling around. I pulled him out of school and gave him a "gap year"-- repeating some of what he'd been choosing not to do in English 10 as we did a U. S. Lit unit, and AP level U. S. History... but I also had him read 5 newspapers/journals/online news daily and write up summaries and do Dave Ramsey's high school Personal Finance course. The next year, his 4th in high school, I enrolled him in an AP/IB "magnet" high school here in town (see sidebar, it's a top notch school compared nationwide) as an 11th grader. He'll start 12th grade in a couple weeks, turn 18 yo just a month after school starts. He has a 1930 on the SAT and wants to take it again, to see if he can raise it to 2100. He did American Legion Boys State this summer before working 6 weeks as an Austin lifeguard. He told me in the car on the drive to the airport to go to Austin for the summer, "Thanks for giving me that gap year. I'm getting so much more out of high school now that I've had a year to mature."

All in all I am very pleased with how things have turned out. Homeschooling was my only option, there was no way I could do any private schools if I'd had a suitable one available. We had private school at home. My child ate the curriculum I gave him for lunch and had dessert of another pile of books or computer games all afternoon. He had the freedom to spend hours a day in his sandbox, building his own working model of the War of the Roses and Crusades. At age 6 his passion was the British royals and knew the lineage of the kings. He has always consumed history books even at a college level and loved to compare and contrast different historians, then find primary source material to figure out who was more correct. By age 11 he liked to get on Wikipedia, in edit mode, and participate in the threads behind the scenes where collaborators discussed veracity and sources and worked together to write the wiki articles. He would watch movies and criticize historical accuracy of events and costumes. But at the same time he could totally be a boy- without labels- and play in the sandbox, discover using a magnifying glass to burn designs into wood, climb trees, design and make and wear costumes, and read every book in the library. The constraints of the grade system labeling, the classroom structure, the lack of creativity and emphasis on testing would have turned out a very different kid. At the same time, at the appropriate time and age, the "system" is working for him to hone his abilities and teach him how to use them corporately.

Edited in response to a question I received on Facebook from an old acquaintance I hadn't seen in years. When she saw this posted this afternoon, she responded:
So, Darin and I are considering homeschooling our kids and although we have a few years before Josiah is ready for Kindergarten, I've been thinking and processing what this means for our family. I wondered if you experienced homeschooling mommas can give me your thoughts and advice about this great adventure.
What should I do to prepare? What is one thing you wish you had known up front? How do you keep from going crazy being cooped up in your house much of the day, especially in the winter? What pitfalls should we avoid? What is you favorite part about teaching your kids at home? Why did you decide to do home schooling?
I really appreciate your thoughts!
Love and hugs,
Katie

So like any good blogger, I doubled my efforts to answering her by dividing my answer up into multiple posts, and scheduling them to appear each Monday for the month of August. Be watching!

41 and perimenopause. I was going to write about something...

2011-07-26T20:00:00.000-05:00

but I can't remember. I was talking to Jeff over a wonderful dinner. Maybe that was it- I took all the overripe stuff that was going bad in the garden, chopped it up and put it over some tortilla chips, leftover rice, a bit of leftover lentils and quinoa, and then poured a New Mexican style chile sauce over it and sprinkled well with Monterrey Jack cheese. It was so absolutely delicious that I ate 3 servings. And I was drinking this new thing I found at Costco, Frisk Prickly Reisling. GET IT. OMG Get It.

So we were talking over this wonderful wine and dinner- maybe it was the fact that I had 11 kids all weekend all by myself? But I was a happy mama. And we were talking, and suddenly I said, "I should blog that!"

So I came to the kitchen, and before I could get to the computer, I saw the Compassion Children's folders had come in the mail and had to read that to the kids... and then gave everyone a job to do- you take care of extraneous dishes, you put away food, you wash the pots, and you feed the cats and wash their water dish....

Then I finally got the mail off my laptop and sat down, and Facebook was open, so I commented on a couple things...

And DH said, "Did you get your blog post written?"

And I realized, I have no idea what I thought would make such a good blog post.

So there you have it. 41 and perimenopause. Or just 11 kids and Frisk Prickly Reisling?

I am reading two books right now-- Pride and Predjudice and Havah (speculative fiction about Eve) plus a bunch of nonfiction, so I'm going to go read and relax now that I do not have 11 children in my house- just 6.

My oldest will be home in a week. I miss him.

Religiously Inspired Modesty- and what is gospel modesty?

2011-07-19T10:37:00.002-05:00

When I was recently reading Give Them Grace, I paused my review posts to take time to write out my thoughts on what the author said about teaching your daughters to dress Modest. I admit, I am really bothered by the modesty imposed on females due to religious belief.

Any of you who knew me 10 years ago may be surprised since I was one of them. Yes, in 1997, I listened to teachings by Bible Church pastors, who seemed earnest and reasonable and had verses, and I went to my closet and did a purge.

I followed the advice, still found in books by popular Christian women lecturers and authors, to try on each outfit and stand before a mirror. I threw out most of my closet, and then purchased- at thrift stores- frumpy long denim skirts and "appropriate" tops. Even back then I found some advice worthy of an eyeroll, such as a preacher who insisted that all knit fabrics were of the devil, designed purposefully to hug the curves in such as a way as to ensnare men.

Yes, this is the teaching. It is the same teaching I've heard on websites addressed to modest protestant Christian, Catholics, Mormon, Jew, and Muslims. The teaching is that men are weak and women are completely responsible to protect the men from themselves.

I have been bothered every time I see the groups in public- women covered, men looking like any other man off the street. It's not like the Amish or in foreign countries or even the most strict law-following Orthodox Jew, where at least the men and women are obviously following the same dress code and "match" each other in style. It's the disparity in the Religious ones-- the men couldn't be picked out in a line-up, but the women are all peculiar in style.

Now I have finally been able to piece together in my mind the precise difficulty I have with the teaching, and give words to the reasons I will not teach this religious "modesty" to my daughters.

1. When the preacher/teacher continuously harps on this idea that women have this power over men, then something happens in the mind-- the women are relagated to sex objects. The men hear "you have no control over the lust you feel when you see something" and now they see sex everywhere they look. It's like once you start to play Punch Buggies, you see them everywhere you go. You experience pregnancy or pregnancy loss, and suddenly it seems you are surrounded by pregnant women. That which normally your eyes would have bounced off without your brain registering has now become something that your heart ponders. An example of that popped up on my Facebook feed yesterday, when a friend posted a blog that had a diatribe against Land's End for a picture of 9 year olds in their newest catalog. The blogger railed against the sexualization of these 9 year olds... and I am looking at the picture and reading her words and thinking, "Talk about projecting your feelings..." I didn't see what this blogger saw in the ad.

2. Once women have become sex objects, it becomes her fault, in the eyes of not just men but many women, if she receives unwanted sexual harrassment or is raped. The extreme is seen in countries ruled by Sharia where women can actually be executed for being raped. But it happens subtly here in every U. S. classroom at school, church auditorium, shopping mall or city street- You can ogle, whistle, cop a feel, whatever- she's asked for it.

I find it particularly interesting that the same religions teach a Patriarchal structure, where women are subject to men.... yet somehow hold power over them with their bodies that require the women to be responsible to protect the males?

It's hypocrisy and does not follow a gospel-centered worldview, in which Jesus' modesty is described in Paul's letter to the church at Philippi:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

That modesty is about not demanding your due, never showing off, not needing the approval or praise of men, but being content with "You are my beloved child, I am pleased." In that gospel modesty, and set in the gospel parenting command to "bring them up in the nurture of the Lord," it is out of line and out of gospel context to then tell my daughters, "humble yourselves, too, refusing to show your body in any way because you love your Christian brothers and don't want to tempt them." But this is exactly how the verse is being used- it's our sacrifice of worship to cover ourselves to protect our weaker brothers. That is not the context of "weaker brothers" either.

On the other hand, gospel modesty-rather than being about the right collar or sleeve- would demand I do not count equality with God as something to be grasped; thus, I don't know all the answers and can't presume to ever really know, which is why I do not much esteem, frankly, systematic theology. In that gospel modesty, I make myself nothing, taking the form of a servant and actually get up and do some work- willing to wear whatever clothing is most appropriate for the weather and my activity as well as wearing what has been made available to me. Rather than spending time creating for myself a "style" and then spending time and money putting together a "wardrobe," I buy things- even new, not discount- when they present themselves to me. Simple shoes that are made from recycled tires, Soft Star shoes that are made by people in Oregon, Ugandan shoes that pay for college for women, denim miniskirts found in a bag left in front of a dumpster, teeshirts given at events I attend. And yeah, a bikini when I'm going out for the purpose to soak up some Vitamin D.

Yes, I consider it a point of modesty to not perpetuate unfair labor practices. Not demanding that somehow I deserve to spend as little of my disposable income on clothing- that someone else produced in such a way to make it possible? Wait, a teeshirt can cost me $10 when I think I deserve at least $10 minimum wage? I will actually pay more for something produced fairly that allows someone else to live in a manner I feel is right for me. To me, obedience unto death is to follow what the Lord demands, recorded in Micah:

He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?

To find all the blog posts on the topic of the book Give Them Grace, click here.

Seven Kids: 7 Tips for Surviving Littles

2011-07-13T06:57:00.002-05:00

These are some Top-7 Tips for making time for your soul, when you think managing a home full of small children will suck you dry.

7. I sometimes traded my 7yo for some preschooler so my son could go on the homeschool field trip. I didn't have to drag littles and neither did the other mom. There is always another mom in your shoes.

6. My kids had to fold their clothes to earn a trip to the library-- for every 4 things they folded they earned ONE book, and they could earn up to ONE movie by earning at least 5 books. No one was allowed to be responsible for more books than their age (7yo had max of 7 books; 5yo's max was 5, etc).

5. I kept all toys locked in a closet for a while, and only let them pick out 3 toys/playsets at a time, once a week, on Mondays. For that week, the child "owned" the toys he'd picked. They lived on "his" shelf. This eliminated all fights over whose turn it was to play, sharing, and who should clean up.

4. I kept all their clothes in the laundry room, and stuffed complete outfits together in a gallon size ziplock bag, and had them "filed" in a shoe sorter. I did one load of laundry every day, to the folding and put away. No Mt. Washmore.

3. I had a 7 meal rotation and we all ate the same thing on the same day of the week. Sometimes my teens still ask if we're having Tacos tonight, since it's Tuesday. Check by 9 a.m. what's on the menu and see if you need to do anything to "start" it, like put beans in a crockpot.

2. I cooked all the meat at once, then divided it into ziplocks for the freezer. (I did 20lb of chicken once a month, and put 20 bags in the freezer, same with ground beef, etc... so to start any meal I only had to pull a bag of already cooked meat out of the freezer, add a jar of some kind of sauce and make either rice or noodles or tortillas....I found out years later I could have done pinto beans that way, too.)

1. And for home school? I read aloud daily back then- we had a curriculum that was delivered in a big box, just a reading list with a suggested reading schedule and 20-30 books. We would sit down in the afternoon when the nappers were asleep and we'd read until my voice grew hoarse or I fell asleep. The rest of the day, the kids played dress up or in the sandbox or with Matchbox cars. If I bothered to eavesdrop I quickly heard all the evidence that they were learning, no worksheets or tests needed. Much was learned at the grocery store, with little jobs, cooking, driving along the road, watching PBS (God bless Between the Lions).

Spank or Spank Not, but don't use euphemisms

2011-07-12T21:01:00.004-05:00

(edited and revised from the original post)
From Elyse Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace,

Over the previous four chapters we have bombarded you with one message: Give your children grace. ...Dazzle them with the message of Christ's love and welcome...and drench them with it again. ...We remind you of this because every human heart is ...drawn to law.... Factories of human legislation..... Does grace negate the necessity for law? Should we simply ignore our children's behavior and only speak of God's love? Is that what real grace looks like? (Chapter 5)

Of course, a loving parent is not going to just ignore a child's bad behavior. A parent gives a child the framework for making his way in the world. You train your infant to trust you, your toddler to follow and adore you, your preschooler to discover and start questioning wisely. You can't even begin to find answers if you don't know how to ask questions wisely! I'm concerned, though, with the tone Elyse takes where it seems she only thinks the preschooler who can't be reasoned with can only be trained like a dog. She says in chapters 1-5 that no one- kids included- can obey laws perfectly, that laws are there to show us our need for a savior.

But then she turns around in Chapter 6 and says:

For the most part, the Proverbs were written by Solomon...and although they are true and wise words, not even Solomon was able to employ them in such a way that his own son wasn't foolish. Nevertheless, the proverbs were written to instill skill in the art of godly living....

One thing we have to understand, parents, is that God didn't "succeed" in controlling Adam and Eve and preventing them disobeying in the garden. Solomon's own son was foolish- so why would you follow the Proverbs as a list of rules and promises for your own children?

...if we approach Proverbs believing that the entire Bible 'whispers his name,' if we come with open eyes, looking for our Savior, we'll easily identify him there as the Wise Son. Yes, the Proverbs do tell us how to live godly lives, but they also tell us about him. ...the plain words of Proverbs are for our good...if we neglect to see Jesus there, too, we will wrongly assume that we will be able to automatically accomplish something that not even Solomon could accomplish: produce wise children.

I would like to point out that to understand Proverbs you have to understand the literary genre. Our book of Proverbs is a collection of thoughts, maxims, written in poetic form. It's not thought to be written all by one person, but many, although chiefly Solomon. (source) I know that one of the hallmarks of the Monergists is a strict literal interpretation of all parts of the Bible jointly and severally. If you are not a person who follows such a strict interpretation you may find yourself even more frustrated than I by the author's self-contradiction in her spanking hermeneutics:

In addition, because the Proverbs are so clear-cut and seem like promises, we'll believe that our performance will guarantee success... (but) Because a devout Jew could employ Proverbs in the same way, this isn't a Christian paradigm. Parenting methods that assume or ignore the gospel are not Christian. Proverbs enjoins ...the use of physical force, or spanking....

BAM. She just doesn't know what to do with something that's been taught in Christian churches for a generation, taught so passionately that it is nearly impossible for any earnest person to withstand. She continues with these grace-filled, positive, and truly gospel statements:

If we encourage children to ask for forgiveness when their hearts haven't been stricken by the rod of the Holy Spirit's conviction, we are training them to be hypocritical. We are inadvertently teaching them that false professions of sorrow will satisfy God.(p.104)

Remembering that genuine love for God and others will only grow in the environment of his initiating love for us will help us when we are fearful and are tempted to demand some show of repentence....(p.105)

[quoting Martin Luther] "Grace frees us from having to earn God's acceptance by meeting others' expectations, and it also frees us from the unholy pride and prejudice of determining others' acceptance by God on the basis of our own wisdom."(p.105)

She even has a section on "Donkeys, Carrots and Sticks" that says "everyone struggles with obedience, no matter how old they are." Elyse points out that behavior modification is not gospel- my margin notes say, Is it gospel for me to demand I get what I want from my children? Elyse says:

Because both parents and children obstinately refuse to pull the cart of God's glory down the road, the Father broke the stick of punishment on his obedient Son's back. Rather than trying to entice us by dangling an unattainable carrot of perfect welcome and forgiveness incessantly in front of our faces, God the Father freely feeds the carrot to us, his enemies. He simply moves outside all our categories for reward and punishment... gives us all the reward and takes upon himself all the punishment. (p. 108)

So in light of this grace filled gospel understanding, I should say (if I were a Christian who did believe that I must spank my child to obey God as - quoted from Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, in a comment the other day) then, "in Jesus," I'll accept my child's punishment on my own back, facing God one day if necessary for that punishment in his place, and lavish rewards of fellowship and family upon my child, and say, "You are my dearly beloved son; please remember who you already are and act like it." (p.107)

That, to me, would be gospel punishment. That, as far as I can see, teaches my child in a concrete way the gospel of Jesus taking our punishment upon himself.

But as I said before, apparently Elyse doesn't know what to do with the "Spanking Verses" in the Bible- saying no child has the capacity to obey (p.17) and then, "We need to be sure our children understand what we are saying and that they are capable of obeying" (p.102). Her only examples of using "physical correction" involve toddlers and preschoolers, and she says indeed the same things Tripp teaches:

Correction or punishment must come in the context of the Wise Son who took the blows meant for fools. Here's how a conversation before or after a time of discipline might sound: "Child, I am grieved that you decided to disobey me when I clearly told you to put away your toys and get ready for dinner. ...now I have to discipline you...If I fail to discipline you now, I will be disobeying him. I am sad that I have to cause you pain." (p.100-101)

Did you notice this example 600 word lecture she suggests giving before a spanking is to punish a little boy whose "sin" is to fail to "put away your toys and get ready for supper." And it's really just sickening for me to read, honestly. Mostly it's sickening to me because I did this to my first three boys when they were toddlers and preschoolers, because I believed that horrible teaching of so many Bible churches.

This lecture is so horrible, it continues:

"He stood in your place and felt the rod of correction too, so that we would never have to experience God's wrath. But I have to discipline you now because your disobedience shows me that you have forgotten how wonderful his love is."

Damn, that's just plain old spiritual abuse. Especially because it continues, to this presumably preschool child:

"I am going to pray for you now and then later, if the Holy Spirit is moving in your heart to make you truly sorry for disobeying me, I promise I'll forgive you if you ask."

Because yeah, you don't ever want to coerce a child into asking forgiveness if they don't truly feel sorrow, because then you're teaching them to be hypocrites.... but it's OK to make your forgiveness of him conditional on whether the Holy Spirit moves in his heart to make him truly sorry. :puke:

One last quote from Elyse:

Sometimes we may feel that we are in a season in which we are doing nothing but spanks and that when we share the gospel with our kids they act as though they are deaf.

Remember, she's speaking from Monergism, believing that it's the work of the Holy Spirit to give a person "ears to hear."

When it's wintertime in their souls, that is the time we need to continue to obey in faith, believing that the Lord will use our efforts to bless our children, reciting the gospel over and over to ourselves [not our children?] and waiting and praying for the life-giving work of the Holy Spirit.

So yeah, now the preschool, pre-Age-of-Accountability time in our children's lives is the "winter in their souls." And we recite the gospel to ourselves, waiting for the work of the Holy Sprit in their lives. And while we recite the gospel that no one can obey without the Holy Spirit helping, and that Jesus bore our punishment, we tell our precious little ones that HE died for them so they won't be punished but we have to spank them or we'll be disobeying Him.

Plain old spiritual abuse.

Chapter 7 is about sheltering and is fine, with the admonishment not to shelter your kids too much because A) they will grow up and eventually be on their own, and B) evil originates inside of us, not from without, so sheltering doesn't mean eradicating evil. Finally, the gospel calls us to minister, and we can't minister to those we alienate ourselves from. Same old stuff I always say. Kudos to Chapter 7. Except the part about modesty. And I have something scheduled to appear next week on that paragraph.

To see the entire series of blog posts concerning the book, Give Them Grace, click here.

Obedience and Grace

2011-07-11T15:03:00.003-05:00

Today I will post my take-aways from Part 1: Foundations for Grace

Pure, unadulterated, consistent love for God and pure, unadulterated, consistent love for others is the summation of all the law God has given us in both the Old and New Testaments. ...the problem is..we always love ourselves more than we love God or others...Even though our children cannot and will not obey God's law, we need to teach it to them again and again. And when they tell us that they can't love God or others in this way...we are to agree with them and tell them of their need for a Savior. (Chapter 1)

Gospel and law are mutually exclusive- she says it twice, "Everything that isn't gospel is law." You cannot draw a Venn diagram of this, gospel and law in two bubbles with a common part where they overlap. For most of my early parenting, like Elyse admits, I used the Bible as a rule book for our family. My love for the gospel changed the way I parent, though-- I could no longer ignore the gospel in my parenting. It wasn't about how I wanted the kids to act so I'd look good and they'd be more convenient! It was about how I am showing them the nature of God and leading them to Jesus. Elyse outlines four categories of obedience- initial, social, civic and religious- Frankly, I'm not getting what the point of that was, she states that they are all areas of obedience that every parent, Christian or no, should work to teach their children. Initial to keep them safe, social so they'll make friends and influence people, civic so they are useful members of communities, and religious? Well that seemed to be about not talking during prayer and other practices of your faith- "but is not the fruit of a saving faith." I was perturbed by another 200 word paragraph to talk to your preschooler about wiggling during prayer time, "I understand your heart isn't drawn to God during prayer yet...but...we require you to sit quietly during prayer time...I am reminding you that your continued distraction will result in discipline...." Really? Because taking your preschooler and acknowledging that he's not connecting to God that way is not discipline? She's alluding to spanking again, since she says, "We'll talk more about discipline in Chapter 6" and Chapter 6, I'm afraid, is all about and only about spanking.

God created the world, and mankind, and declared it good. In chapter 2, Elyse equates moralism with wanting to prove that we are, in fact, good and worthy to be given the benediction, You're good:

Every word we say to them during the day will be shaped by our view of their ability to be good and how to get them there. Every responsible parent wants obedient children. But if we're confused about their ability to be good, we'll end up lying to them about their desperate lostness outside of Christ...Tell your children every day what God requires from them, and when they groan under the weight of it, give them this invitation: "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the [boy or girl] who takes refuge in him!" (Ps. 34:8) Keep displaying his goodness to them. Do it over and over and over again. ...Make them thankful for Christ's perfect keeping of [the law] in their place. ...When they fail to obey, they can thank God that their relationship with him isn't predicated upon their obedience but upon Jesus' obedience. ...When we put our faith in him, he bestows the benediction upon us: "These are my beloved children, with whom I am well pleased." (Chapter 2)

Does this sound familiar? "But I worked so hard and tried to do everything right! What happened?" In Chapter 3, Elyse tackles idolatry and its role in the demise of moralistic parenting:

We all struggle with idolatry... idolatry is frequently the worship of some good. ...Idolatry is always subject to the law of diminishing returns...Johnnie's obedience today is never quite good enough for tomorrow. ...if you've ever wondered why you're so demanding, perhaps idolatry is the answer. ...Our idolatry is a symptom of a deeper problem: Unbelief. ...Yes, we're to be faithful and diligent. But even so, we're not guaranteed that our parenting will produce godly children." ...live by faith in the Son of God, who loves you and gave himself for you, not by your own efforts. ...Sure, giving them grace instead of law is scary. The law seems so reassuring, but it is a false assurance. It is only his grace that is sufficient to sustain and transform us. (Chapter 3)

Chapter 4 is called Jesus Loves all his Little Prodigals and Pharisees. It is framed around the story of the Prodigal Son. The take-away I got from this chapter is remember to pray while I'm going about the day with the kids, "Please help me to see, and to overcome my desire to be left alone....Help me be wise and know what to say right now. Help me not to give into my own unbelief, works-righteousness, and idolatry'...Then once again, the gospel came rushing in on a tidal wave of grace." She also points out the danger of looking at the rebel kid as the "bad kid" and the compliant son as "the good kid." Looking at the "good kid" and saying 'Why can't you be more like that?,' she says, "obliterates the gospel message."

Mercy trumps law. ...Has that gratitude for grace made it all the way down into the way we raise our children? ...How can we teach them..God's joy in being merciful to sinners? ...Consistent, transparent and specific confession of sin will help children see how their parents struggle with sin in the same ways that they do. This dynamic is especially important... [About the Mark 10:13-16, "Let the little children come to me", the little children, Elyse says,] "had nothing to offer, nothing to give him. All they had was responsive, humble, messy love. They loved him because he had loved them. And his love was all they needed... Jesus was indignant with his disciples because they had tried to hinder the children from coming to him. How could we hinder these children from coming to the Lord? We get a clue when we look at the context of this story sandwiched as it is between two others. The first one is about the Pharisee and the tax collector who both went up to pray....the story that follows is about a rich, young ruler....we hinder our children...when we tell them that their religious activity and obedience elevates them out of the category of sinner in need of mercy. ..We hinder them when we inadvertently teach them that the good news is for good people. ... When we consistently and unashamedly throw ourselves on God's mercy, we will help our children place their hope in him too. (Chapter 4)

About Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go....) Elyse insists, "Proverbs are not conditional promises; they are wise maxims. When we fail to understand this form of literature and build our lives on them as a guarantee, we end up with a philosophy akin to that of Job's comforters. They had a very simple formula...they believed if one lack's God's visible blessing, it must be because he is not doing what God wants him to do. They thought that faithful obedience always obligates God to respond in the way one desires. They were wrong."

Critique: More bashing Mormons, "We won't get results we want from the law. We'll get shallow self-righteousness or blazing rebellion...We'll get moralistic kids who ...could easily become Mormons." A few 200 word examples of talking to preschoolers puncuated by the euphemism, "followed by a time of discipline."

As God usually does in my life, He has brought to me resources and teachers and sermons and videos and such on an issue that He is working on in me. You know the adage, it always comes in threes? Last week I pointed to a blog where a new book is mentioned, Give them Grace. I immediately ordered it on Amazon; it arrived and I set to reading it.

The next few blog posts will be a Study, and Critique, of Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus. This is post 3.To find all the blog posts on the topic of the book Give Them Grace, click here.

Dazzled, yourself?

2011-07-08T18:21:00.003-05:00

Are you a Christian parent? What makes your parenting really look different from someone who does not profess Christ? Should your parenting look different? This question is raised right away in the Introduction of Give them Grace. The opening two paragraphs are a universal experience-- the vignette that the author mentions in every interview, of the children fighting and the older saying "I just can't love my brother!" This is something we all relate to. But how do we respond to our kids when they do this?
"Christians know that the gospel is the message unbelievers need to hear. We tell them that they can't earn their way into heaven and that they have to trust in Jesus alone for their goodness. But then something odd happens when we start training the miniature unbelievers in our own home. We forget everything we know about the deadliness of relying on our own goodness and we teach them that Christianity is all about their behavior and whether, on any given day, God is pleased or displeased with them."

"Most of our children believe that God is happy if they're 'good for goodness' sake.'....We have told them that being good [emphasis hers] is the be-all and end-all of their faith. This isn't the gospel.... This thing we've given them has a name- it's called 'moralism.'"

The stuff that Elyse is saying about grace is the same sort of thing I've been saying on my blog- Grace should transform you! It's free, not earned. It's being given that validation from creation, "It is very good" by the Father... like he says of his son, "You are my son, I'm very pleased in you." The gospel is the story of a Father who adopts little rebels and makes them into cherished heirs of his goodness! It's not about being good to please him. We can't.

Elyse does make the mistake of making the Most. Wordy. Examples. Ever. of what to say to your kid. I counted one she claims to be what was said to a 4-yr-old... it was over 200 words! A preschooler is getting this 200 word speech in which "punish" or "punishing" is used more than the word "Jesus." And this is where I start to get my panties in a wad-- she finishes her speech (delivered to her 4yo because he hit his 2yo brother and said "I just can't love him") with, "You can learn how to love if you believe that he will be that loving with you. But you'll never be able to do this on your own (as in, you need God's grace helping you)." Then she says the words I've been dreading to hear, "After sharing soul-comforting words like those, Jessica continued with a time of discipline..."

Deep breath.

Exhale.

First off, I've said it before. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. I went on to count, highlight, and number how many euphemisms this author used for applying blunt force upon a child, that is, hitting. When a mother immediately goes to her child who is hitting his sibling, and she puts her arms around him to help him control himself and stop the hitting, this is the process of discipline. When she gives the child a 200 word speech, she is disciplining. So please, really? Then you point out she follows all this disciplining with "a time of discipline"?

Just say it, Elyse. "Then my daughter, who stopped my grandson from hitting his little brother, took her 3 foot tall cherub-cheeked preschooler and firmly, painfully swatted his behind to teach him that Jesus "doesn't punish you, the way you were punishing and beating up on your brother. Instead of punishing you, he took all the punishment you deserve when he died on the cross for you. He knows how angry you are. He knows that there are times you are hateful and selfish with your brother. But he has loved you in spite of your sin. And because of this...way you have been lavishly loved, if you believe in him, you will grow to love your brother more and more. Because of Jesus alone, because of what he has already done for you, you can learn how to love if you believe that he will be that loving with you. But you'll never be able to do this on your own."

I just threw up a little into my mouth.

Critique: The author on the third paragraph begins to narrow her audience by asking whether "a Christian's response [should] differ significantly from a loving Mormon mom," a motif that the author continues throughout the book. She does it again on the next page, "At heart [a formula for parenting] is law. Mormons, Muslims and moralistic atheists all share the belief that law can perfect us...Christians know that the law can't save us..." And again, "It's no wonder that so many of them are lost to utter rebellion or to works-based cults such as Mormonism..." There is a fault among people who align themselves within a sect to call out other sects as being less Christian or cults. These things should be kept in the family. You mass produce a book, please be more careful not to close the ears of those who otherwise may have seen a glimpse of grace through you, and perhaps to have been moved by the Spirit.

The next few blog posts will be a Study, and Critique, of Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus. This is post 2. To find all the blog posts on the topic of the book Give Them Grace, click here.

Comes in Threes, and Love love, love is all you need

2011-07-06T02:15:00.004-05:00

As God usually does in my life, He has brought to me resources and teachers and sermons and videos and such on an issue that He is working on in me. You know the adage, it always comes in threes? Last week I pointed to a blog where a new book is mentioned, Give them Grace. I immediately ordered it on Amazon; it arrived and I set to reading it.

The next few blog posts will be a Study, and Critique, of Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus. To find all the blog posts on the topic of the book Give Them Grace, click here.

The back cover is so promising: "...is 'being good' really the point? ....every way we try to make our kids 'good' is simply an extension of Old Testament Law-- a set of standards that is not only unable to save our children, but also powerless to change them. No, rules are not the answer. What they need is GRACE.

"We must tell our kids of the grace-giving God who freely adopts rebels and transforms them into loving sons and daughters. If this is not the message your children hear, if you are just telling them to 'be good,' then the gospel needs to transform your parenting too.

"Give Them Grace is a revolutionary perspective on parenting that shows us how to receive the gospel afresh and give grace in abundance, helping our children know the dazzling love of Jesus and respond with heartfelt obedience."

The Foreward is written by Tullian Tchividjian, who recounts re-reading the opening lines of Michael Horton's book Christless Christianity "What would things look like if Satan really took control of a city?" and proceeded to describe what most of us want for our children. "We just want them to obey, be polite, not curse...not get caught up in the really bad stuff." He says we have a "Yes grace, but" mentality that keeps moralism the god of our lives. The take-away from the forward is this: "The law shows us what a sanctified life looks like, but it does not have sanctifying power."

Mother, repeat after me. The Mom's rules show the child what a sanctified life looks like, but she and her rules have no sanctifying power. "The power to obey comes from being moved and motivated by the completed work of Jesus for us. The law directs us, the gospel drives us."

~ Mom, does your life show your child what a sanctified life looks like? Of course not! We sin every day! We are in the process of growing to be more like Jesus, but we are not perfect. But do we believe the gospel in our hearts? Does the gospel of grace drive you? Do you believe that there is nothing you can do to save yourself, that you are powerless to really make yourself stop doing hurtful things? Do you believe that He already paid all your moral debts and you are not condemned? Do you really believe this?

Just rest in the faith that you just can't fix it; you will find yourself motivated by a pure love burning from within you that will compel you to take little steps, day by day and hour by hour, to fix injustice and hurt if not in the whole world, at least the little pieces of the world you touch daily.

That is the gospel. It's his world. He made it. He found joy in creating. He found joy in creating humankind in his image, to enjoy fellowship. But he loved us so much he gave humans a free will, even if it meant a will to disobey- and he, the Perfect Father, could not make humans obey him once he allowed will. But he planned for GRACE. So just thank him for his grace and settle down for a ride. Buckle up, sometimes it will be bumpy! But when you wake up each day thanking him for GRACE and asking to see the world as he meant it to be, you will find yourself motivated by love to make it right.

Critique: First thing you need to know is that the author is a Monergist. Monergism is the Calvinist position that people are completely incapable of doing any regenerative work for their own soul, apart from what the Holy Spirit does in and for one. A huge clue this is the author's position are the names of those endorsing her book in the front cover- Paul David Tripp, James MacDonald, and Tullian Tchividjian are all New Reformationists. In addition, these teachers hold firmly to a strictly literal interpretation of "the rod" verses in Proverbs and Hebrews. This created in me a quickening of my spirit- and I had to know how "give them grace" would be reconciled with Monergism.

For the record, if you couldn't tell from my impassioned above paragraph, I am one who was schooled heavily in, and attended a church that preached, Monergism. However, I never was comfortable with this teaching (as well as other points of Calvinism) which is ultimately what led me to part ways with the church we'd attended and served for twelve years. Please go back and reread my paragraph above- and have joy in the gospel of Grace this morning.

This post was linked to Women in the Word Wednesdays.

Parenting Books Guarantee Instant Success!

2011-06-29T10:35:00.001-05:00

My man and I have been known to go on dates to local bookstores, take parenting books that we think are particularly awful and hide them behind automotive books.

Air Traffic Controller Voice by whatitis
Browse other Air T-Shirts

My favorites are the books with the sample conversations. (Ok, click on the link and then come back. That's to Kevin DeYoung who also complains about books with sample conversations.) My 2nd most favorite thing to do is talk to parents still firmly into "fear and control" models of parenting. Some of them are older, many are new parents who have those books.

I told a mama yesterday as she waited to be taken back for her c-section-- "You know you won't have much more control over this kid in 16 years than you had over him today, right? He'll think he should ride his bike without a helmet or he doesn't need to study and you'll be pretty much helpless about it."

And her doula, who looks 10 years older than I, says "Oh you can make him. Just take the bike away." Uh huh... these are the same kind of people who used to tell me I could make my kids do this, or do that. Short of actually nailing their feet to the floor, I could not make them do anything. Really though, I couldn't achieve nailing their feet to the floor because they can fight harder than that.

But one thing I finally realized-- why would I WANT to make them do anything? God gave US free will and doesn't MAKE us do anything. Do I think I am greater than God? If the Gospel is that Jesus loves us simply because- not because of what we can do to earn it- then why would I give my kids a message that my love is conditional?

What was controlling DOING for me? It was like I had a tight grip on my old Nintendo joystick- fingers aching, stiff from the strain. Moving the entire plastic handpiece with my effort to make that digital character do what I wanted him to do, yet stumbling into the toadstool time after time after time.

What I've learned is that it's OK to give my kids room for free will. It's OK to let them make mistakes. It's OK to parent them the way God leads us... by being there to listen and to speak wisdom and to hope and to provide and to just simply LOVE, but be OK if they make choices I wouldn't make. Can my love for them compel them to seek me out? Absolutely. Just like God's love for me compels me to seek him out.

Do I have enough faith to do it? Do you?

Seven Kids: Top 7 Listening Devices

2011-06-28T17:37:00.000-05:00

7. (Shut the laptop.)

6. Bake cookies together, and sit and enjoy them.

5. Take ONE with you on errands or even better, on a date. When we get one in the car alone, she/he usually talks our ears off.

4. Write notes to each other. I even pass a journal back and forth with my daughter. I started it when she was 9. Sometimes she leaves hidden messages for me in my purse that just say "I love you."

3. If I have to work at something, I tell them how much help they are (even if they actually make MORE work for me) so that we can still be together. Working elbow to elbow leads to great discussions.

2. If you need to talk to a teen, doing it in the car seems easier than just sitting face to face. They don't have to be intimidated by eye contact because you have to watch the road, so they tend to open up more.

1. Go ahead and relax some of the rules about TV, movies or music, to allow things that actually have bad words and sex scenes and drugs- bringing up those topics in THAT context is more generic than having to confront your kid face-to-face about it. So it's just easier to let your opinion out and hear from them what they think.

Meelo Cat

2011-06-28T08:42:00.000-05:00

Today's blog post is going to be short- for the same reason that the blog hasn't had new content in a week. I have people to see, and things to do with them, so writing has taken a backseat.

Something hit me yesterday- right in the face. It was Meelo Cat Meelo Cat is a little guy who keeps me humble and real with my kids. So he hit me yesterday when I heard from my 15yo, in a rageous scream, "you don't listen anyway!" For the record, at that time I'd like to make a case to the court that HE was the one not listening. But that's neither here nor there, because Meelo Cat is the lone juror and Meelo Cat wants to know, "Mom? Did you hear him?"

This morning my Babble Mail included an article, "I don't listen to my kids." This article reminded me of Meelo Cat. Meelo Cat is someone who came to live at our house when we got the CD Big Kid
by Sara Hickman. The song is Look At Me- my kids immediately loved it and my ears immediately began to burn with shame. The chorus makes my kids giggle and sing "Meelo Cat" (and now I've ruined it for you, too, huh?).

Tomorrow I'll post my Top Seven Ways to listen to your kids. Right now I need to go- someone needs me. I'll leave you with this video-- your kids will probably love it. In fact, the entire Big Kid CD is really fun and will have you all singing the rest of the day together. Enjoy your kids today!

Seven Kids, Allowances and Rewards

2011-06-18T09:55:00.000-05:00

I have done Allowances off and on. I'd like to say I don't believe in them, but that's simply not totally true. The truth is that I can't keep up with the extra effort involved. I forget I made the deal, I can't remember who did what and who earned what. I'm really bad about asking Kid C to do the chores assigned to Kid B, just because Kid C happens to be standing there. And I can't remember to go to the bank and draw out cash AND remember to ask her to give it to me in small bills.

My foray into Allowances began when I got really tired of always finding perfectly good shoes left outside in the brutal Austin, TX, climate to be completely destroyed by the sun and what little rain we mustered up. I mean, seriously? You peel your shoes off outside and just leave them scattered all over the yard? I tried decorative baskets and bins near the doors, which it turns out are fantastic places to stash toys, granola bar wrappers, fuzz, gravel and sand, and 3 assorted sandals of various sizes and colors and one water shoe. Clearly, the basket inside the door does not work.

I tried yelling, but we all know how that goes over.

So, one day, I lined up their shining happy faces and began to explain to them the New World Order of Our House. Allowance. There was money involved, so most of them were listening. I told them that Daddy works really hard and apportions a part of the household funds into my capable hands for allocating to the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. We don't have any free money to just hand out willy nilly to any boy who would like to buy an endless supply of Poprocks-- but, I would like to funnel some of the household budget to THEIR grimy fingers and see what they can do with it.

One dollar per year of age, per month. They immediately set to their calculations, then rubbed their grimy hands together (producing those little balls of hot dirt that fall to the floor for me to sweep up). "We'll be RICH!" and "BooYAH!"

But wait a sec. The deal is, I don't buy shoes anymore. You buy your own.

They still seem to think this is a good idea.

And it was. This worked for a year. The poor lady at the bank would finally get it figured out: Three tens, 4 fives and 13 ones.... no wait, was that 5 fives and 12 ones... oh crap. Sorry, someone had a birthday I need more ones. The Allowances, modest as they were, cost me $50-something a month. I wasn't sure about the whole system but I was getting to know the bank teller pretty well. That is.... until they actually finally needed new shoes. Let's just shorten the story and say that after buying their own shoes for a year, the children broke the habit of leaving shoes in the yard.

But as with any system that requires someone to pay attention to it, Allowances died with a handful of paper promissary notes that amounted to a hill of beans since I ran into a cashflow problem.

This spring, I was feeling taken advantage of again.... I was buying snacks; they were eating snacks. I was doing chores; I was doing their undone chores too. I stopped buying snacks, and instead offered them each $1/day for doing all their assigned chores and being in bed "on time" (which means hitting somewhere in the target of 8-8:30). Each child had basically ONE chore to do pretty much daily, and then get in bed. I said there were just two rules- I wasn't going to nag about the chores, I would just DO IT MYSELF if I noticed it wasn't getting done. And if I did it, no allowance. Or none if you did all chores but you lollygagged at bedtime: in your room reading or watching YouTube or playing dolls or lego or whatever.

After one month of the new system, I'm happy to report I mostly stuck to buying no treats. I got cookies for one planned picnic and I bought ice cream once. Or twice. But no Graham crackers, cookies, cheese snacks, etc.

And I have given out exactly $7 between two kids.

The upside? I don't have to worry about whether I have cash in my purse to pay someone for doing chores. And, I am no longer having to police the stashes of snacks in the kitchen or find wrappers in their rooms. And, my house is clean, but at least now I feel paid to do their chores, and can buy myself a treat everyday.

Hair Cuts for Nine

2011-06-14T11:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I found an instant watch on Netflix that we hadn't seen, and put all 3 girls on stools in the kitchen. I gave each of them a trim while we watched the video together. I had cut my DH's hair the night before and the boys about a week ago. Did I go to beauty college? No. I just picked up scissors and went for it. I checked out books from the library, found DVDs, watched You Tube videos. And when I get my own hair cut at a salon (occasionally, like once a year or two) I use the opportunity as a Continuing Education credit and ask questions and get tips.

Even if I managed to find coupons or go on discount days, cutting hair in my family would require an annual budget of $1287. I save by using decent scissors and a good trimmer such as this set I recently bought.

But it's not just about saving money. DIY haircuts have given my family:

fun. It's really sort of fun to get into it, and be creative. We've had the courage to try all kinds of styles because we weren't wasting money on it. And frankly, if something comes out badly? It's hair! It grows back. I mean, that's why we need to cut it, right? It grows.
more fun. The money we save with DIY cuts is what we get to spend on a vacation.
style. I'm not sure we'd have ever gotten creative and adventurous with hair if we weren't DIY. DIY means having plenty of opportunity to talk as a family about what our style means to us, what it says to others, and how it affects our lives, when the kids are on my barber's stool.
intimacy. I know my kids' heads. I know their cowlicks. I know the nape of their necks. I know where they are with self-image. I know how daring and fun they are willing to be. I know their insecurities.
individuality. My kids are treating their hair as candles/deco on the cake. They know their hair gives "oomph" to their image, they know that their hair sends a signal to others- just like candles and deco on a cake define the cake. The inside of the cake doesn't change! But the messsage the cake sends does depend on what's on the outside. Sometimes a professional cake is needed~ but we all know that some of the most incredible looking cakes are very disappointing when you bite into them, while some of the messiest cakes have been heavenly on the tongue. So is your appearance - you can send a message to people, but what's inside is REALLY what matters.

Do you cut your kids' hair? Would you try? What about the mullet or the mohawk-- over your dead body, or whatever seems like fun for now?

Summer Lovin' Happened So Fast

2011-06-11T17:09:00.000-05:00

No more teachers, no more books~

Starting next week I'll have my children home for the summer. Well yes, I homeschool some of them, and at times I've homeschooled all of them, so maybe I'm not exactly your test subject. But the truth is, I'm just a mom, a plain old mom, not a supermom, and I don't exactly relish the prospect of a long hot summer stuck in a housefull of kids any more the next mom.

So I am claiming this is the year of Summer Lovin. It's a short summer- the school district extended '11 to June 15, and totally changed the calendar so next year we'll get out in May... by having us start August 15. So this summer will happen fast, y'all. Come August 15, I will have 7 school-age kids and the real whirlwind in life will begin.

BTW-- you know how I've said in the past, to have some grace on moms whose babies are all under 5, because it's some of the busiest years of life?

I didn't know about "everyone is school age" yet. I am starting to think NOW I'm entering the busiest stage of my life. But- I haven't seen "everyone graduating, doing college, getting married and having babies" yet, so maybe I should just shut up.

This summer, I hereby vow:
1. To read aloud every day. Again. I miss it.
2. To make something.
3. To go camping. [Dad actually took the boys camping this weekend. I want a family camping weekend.]
4. To make popsicles with KoolAid.
5. To make cookie dough, and eat it cold.
6. To make ice cream.
7. And... let's go to Worlds of Fun and/or Oceans of Fun, too. Please????

Seven Kids, Seven Things I Regret, Baby Years Edition

2011-06-03T01:47:00.001-05:00

My baby recently turned five years old. Everywhere, I see pregnant women or newborn babies. Part of me gasps from the beauty and wonder of holding a newborn and there is a pang of jealousy. Most of me is fine that I've passed that stage, and happy I have a few years before taking on the grandparenting. (Right, boys? At least a few years, right?!?!)

So as I spent time pondering this week and wishing I had time for writing, a thought occurred to me-- talk about what I regret from the baby years.

1. I wish I'd really known then what I have just started to understand, now, about how fleet the years are. Oh, the moments are long, but the years are short indeed. When my first was born, I was still in school- I let my projects slide as I sat on the couch, half dazed and confused and half enraptured and infatuated. I quit school rather than flirt with daycare; it seemed I had no in between choices, with no family in town to care for my baby. Sometimes, though....

2. I wish I would have just finished school. I don't know HOW I could have done it back then, because really I didn't have family in my town to help me. But somehow I should have finished, rather than quitting when I was so close to the end. Not that I'd have spent the years differently, working rather than at home. I have never been organized enough for that. But it's just that now I sort of wish I wasn't 41 with an incomplete undergrad degree. For some reason it bothers me.

3. I wish I would have held them more. I know, it sounds crazy-- I was wearing them in a sling for goodness sake. I slept with them. How could I hold them more? But somehow now I can barely remember how they felt, what they smelled like, the weight in my arms. Yet at the same time, it seems I can still feel them there? It's weird, these people are not my babies yet they are.

4. I regret that I ever chose to use spanking; I wish I had completely removed it from my habits or schemas. Since I stopped, I've found it's never necessary, which makes me wonder why I ever thought it was useful. I am, however, glad that I really never let my babies cry. I'm glad I don't have that regret to live. I didn't let them cry, I picked them up. My "rule" was no one was allowed to cry for more than 1 minute for each month of age. There wasn't a lot of crying in our house- I'm glad I didn't have that stressor. I don't know how I came up with that- it was just something I did. I didn't see any reason to let them cry- and none of them is spoiled for it, either. I didn't let them cry, but I did keep firm boundaries enforced, so it was a healthy balance, I think, that has created kids who are generally pleasant companions.

5. I wish I would have been more open to really learning from older women. I complained with other young mothers that it seemed there were no older women willing to teach us. But I've found now that my kids are teens and people young enough to be my own are having babies, that they don't seem to be asking my opinion or listening to any attempts I make at sharing what I've seen and heard and learned through the years. And that made me realize- there were older women there when I was a new mom- I just didn't pay them any mind. I had the latest parenting mags and books, and I got all the wisdom I needed from the books!

6. I wish I would never have gotten a single baby-parenting book. Babies don't read books. Mothers learn to read their babies~ and that, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit ("I gently lead those who have young") is all I ever really needed. I should have spent more time communing with my Father, other mothers, and let the older moms babysit. Then the demon PPD may not have been such a tyrant in our family for so many years.

7. I regret that my children's development was in fact marred by years of PTSD, clinical depression, PPD, whatever it was. I was not a good mama when I was depressed. I wish someone would have noticed earlier and I'd have gotten help sooner. A year after the 7th baby is just really almost too late, ya know?

My man says this post needs more. He was feeling bad, thinking he'd messed up, not been good enough to keep me totally happy and successful all the time. It's all good- everything that has happened to me has served to make me who I am. I was listening to a sermon called The Rebel's Guide to Joy: Joy in Suffering. The text is Philippians. I've probably mentioned it before. The funny thing about God is that He's always trying to speak to you. This sermon series happened right after my last PPD crisis- severe attack- and after I'd been to talk to a doctor finally about my PPD and talk to her whether antidepressants would be right for me. I never did get on the antidepressants- I took supplements, got on a light-therapy regimen and reflexology practices including EFT. And then wouldn't you know it, this sermon series popped up!

This spring, I started recognizing the stress, anxiety and symptoms of depression and started listening to this again, meditation on Philippians (yes the whole book) and memorizing it. Anyhow... be encouraged, young moms. And old moms. My kids are turning out OK despite any of my failures and regrets. Let's always lift up one another, being honest about what's hard and where we fail. I don't want anyone to think I'm some kind of supermom. I'm just doing the best I can.

Modesty, my opinion.

2011-05-28T01:13:00.000-05:00

The self-righteous attitude behind the new modesty movement makes my heart incredibly heavy with sorrow and pity for those caught in it. I understand where it comes from, because I was there once. This attitude shows someone who is spending entirely too much time worrying about the sins of other people while congratulating herself that she's not like them. "Thank you Lord, that I'm not like those sinners."

Seriously?!

There is so much judgement about what is modest enough- and the funny thing is that each religious group (and even non-religious) has its own set of modesty standards. For instance, my son was filling out an application for a job at a place that locals say is owned by Christians, because the live concerts that happen there tend to be CCM. My research shows it's owned by the huge equity group that owns American Idol, but whatever. They have a multiple page document on what constitutes acceptable appearance- the rules they have for "decent appearance" would exclude both my husband and I from working there, as well as my pastor's wife and most of the people from my church. My son only can still qualify because he's too young for tats, piercings, and doesn't mind buzzing his hair for the summer.

Burka to bikini, someone will complain about what women are wearing. The denim jumper, the matching cape dresses, Catholic girl school uniforms, the length of skirts from fingertip length to ankle length, even the size of the heels of a woman's shoe or her make-up.... and look at the variety of head coverings from little white lace caps, plain cotton cloth, flowing beautiful scarves, to the full hijab. France outlaws the wearing of religious garb that covers the face; so do many other countries such as Turkey. People laugh at women who dress like this too- Christians laugh. I hear Christian pastors make fun of Mormons' and Muslims' modesty rules, yet turn around and give modesty rules to their own women ("spaghetti straps are just not sleeves").

Now that it's summer again, I see comments on Facebook and forums from women about "those women in bikinis" and how they have to worry about covering their young boys' eyes. I always roll my eyes, frankly, over "those women." THOSE women. Like me? You know, maybe when I wear a bikini it's just because I love to experience God's creations- the feel of the sun on my skin, the wind and the surf. It feels different. That's WHY I'm at the beach- it's a full experience. Maybe I'm not really worried about what others think or say, because I'm just capturing the moment. And as far as I can tell, my kids are too. Catching the moment and the wave.

South Padre Island with my family

See, as far as I can see it, if I think I'll be bothered by what I will see, or what my kids will see, I JUST DON'T GO. I stick to places that I know we'll feel more comfortable. The pool during the day is pretty much empty; you have it for yourself... the others are at school or work. The beach we went to was pretty much all ours that October day, too. I put a pool in my own backyard (as low as a couple hundred dollars, for one big enough to float and splash with littles, about the price of the family membership to the public pool). If you don't think that Christian women should be unclothed at the beach then why are you there? Just don't go.

YOU don't get to decide how other people relate to God. YOU only get to follow him for yourself. You don't get to make rules, even based on a Bible verse, for other people. And you don't get to smack anyone around with your religion to make them feel like they need to obey your rules.

And you don't get to blame anyone else on your son's heart. Ok, I get that little kids call people in swimsuits "naked"- but he also calls all 4 legged creatures "dog" until we teach him otherwise. My kids also called people naked if they were wearing a sleeveless shirt- that doesn't mean they have some Spiritual secret, it means they have a limited vocabulary and a very short understanding of the world. Back when my boys were preschoolers, in my home, we wore "modest" clothing-- shapeless sacks of dresses that reminded me every day of how good and holy I was, so much holier than everyone else, that I must love the Lord more than "those people" do. My kids were being raised to standards that kept them separate... separate from anyone who may want to get near enough to actually get to know JESUS. Of course they wouldn't find Jesus in our presence-- they'd only find a religion based on my favorite Bible verses.

Instead, as I've grown I've learned something-- Proclaiming that you are modest is like proclaiming you are humble. The minute you bring it to someone's attention you've broken the modesty. And while your mind is burning with your righteous anger at the naked heathens, you're suffering from something worse than immodesty-- you suffer from pride.

At some point I learned that my purpose in life is not to call others to my standards. My purpose is to walk with Jesus, talk to Jesus, and let him rule MY heart. To teach my own children to walk with Him, to talk to Him and let Him rule their hearts. To be so full of HIS love that it oozes from our pores, that it comes into every action and every person near us can smell His sweet aroma. If His love in me brings about a certain change in me, it's to His glory.... and if it changes anyone else near me, it's especially to HIS glory.

My God is too big for me to limit Him with my rules and standards that I have made up from picking out Bible verses that speak to me. It absolutely cannot be what He intended, this hand-picking of Bible verses. His Word is complete only when it is taken as a whole. It's not a rule book- it's just not. And Christianity is not a religion- religion is idolatry. Christianity is being a little Christ, His working through us in the world. Immanuel- God with us.

This opens our children's hearts to Him- and it gathers others towards Him.

Religion repels people. Smug self-righteousness repels people, especially. Frail humanity is what makes Jesus different from false Gods and false religions, and His grace and mercy that draw us and cover us no matter who we are, no matter what we've done, as long as we confess to Him that we can't do it on our own anymore and must lay down our sins and shames at His cross and accept His pure gift of love. Mercy. Grace. Nothing I do makes me righteous- nothing but Him in me, through me, and for me. Even if I am in a bikini.

Why I don't coupon

2011-05-24T09:46:00.000-05:00

Our family feeds 10 people breakfast, 6 people lunch, and 9-11 people dinner fairly regularly [this includes 2 men and 3-4 teen boys]. And then there is pizza night. I've been reverse-budgeting (that is, analyzing my grocery receipts) in an effort to find equilibrium since our move. I'm a part of a community garden now, so I hope that will bring us a bountiful harvest- and that I will figure out how to preserve it for use during the winter and spring. I pray we don't waste anything. Yeah, mostly I pray that these people will be filled and full of health from nutrition without wasting anything- food or money.

Typically I don't use coupons. Very rarely. The bugaboo -in my view anyway- is that coupons tend to make one buy something they wouldn't have wanted prior to seeing the coupon. Coupons are marketing. That's why they exist. To make you think you need something. So I have to be very careful, and set for myself a policy- do not use a coupon for something you would not have bought if you didn't have the coupon.

I have a lifestyle commitment-- I don't get in my car and drive without carefully considering the cost. My man has a dashboard computer that will even tell me what each trip in the car costs, like a Taxi's meter. The cost is more than directly to my pocketbook- there is a cost in our unjust world to every person less fortunate than I, when I use resources haphazardly. Using coupons would require me to spend more of my resources- resources that are nonrenewable (time) and that affect other people (fuel/smog/traffic congestion).

Another lifestyle commitment is sustainability. I want recycled plastic garbage sacks- which I would not use at all if the city didn't require it. I limit use of garbage sacks to one/week by recycling and composting and being careful. I want recycled TP and would prefer to get a bidet attachment on the toilet and use personal washable cloths. I will not buy or use shampoo or conditioner that contain SLS, alcohols or waxes (dimethicone, for example). I prefer hand made soaps but don't like to make them. ;) I hate those plastic deodorant containers- they aren't coded for recycling and like shampoo bottles seem like an excessive amount of plastic running through our hands. Baking soda can replace deodorant, shampoo, bathroom cleaner. Plain white vinegar can replace conditioner, laundry softener, floor cleaner, and more.

I'm a pretty picky consumer. I'll buy a pair of shoes that are made in the U.S.A. that cost $80 rather than something from Payless, when I can. Besides, the shoes from Payless and Target get worn out faster than more quality shoes. And I don't have the time or energy to buy shoes as often as they wear them out, so I prefer to find quality shoes that will last longer. Seriously, I bought my 9yo son and 14yo sons shoes from Target in April- and the 14yo's soles have already come apart and the 9yo's soles have just nearly worn through already. In 4 weeks. 14yo had a pair from Payless last fall that lasted less than 6 weeks. So it's just not worth it. I'm looking at some Keen's that are on clearance on Amazon.com right now.

Seven Kids: Shenanigans

2011-05-19T09:29:00.001-05:00

With seven kids, you know that sometimes you get shenanigans.

In fact, with kids at all, the default activity mode tends to be shenanigans. Adults tend only to the shenanigans mode when they've had too much to drink or are hanging out with ancient school chums. This leaves adults feeling mighty superior to the shenanigans, having ~~suppressed~~ outgrown the shenanigans. Which is well and good, because the wisdom of Solomon rightly points out that shenanigans in children is childishness- but chronic shenanigans into adulthood is foolishness.

found when I searched "common license" pictures

The aim of the parent then is to help the children learn to ~~suppress~~ save the shenanigans for parties with old school chums and keep them in rein. The shenanigans, that is. Not the school chums. Putting the school chum in a rein would be shenanigans.

How have I been gradually molding my Seven into sobermindedness over shenanigans, then? I thought about it, and came up with this answer. 1) Monty Python, 2) Divide and conquer strategy, and 3) treats.

Treats... bribes, rewards, bait, stick-and-carrot. Some parenting experts demand they don't work; animal trainers insist they do. I have found the truth to be that it's an often overused tool that can be useful when cleverly applied. Let's go back 17 years; my firstborn is a toddler. I want to speak to my best friend on the phone. We chat for an hour at a time, regularly. She has no children yet, and one day she asks me, "What do you do with that baby while we talk? How do you manage to chat for so long?" I smile as I say, "I promise him bathtime after the call, and dum-dums." Yes, I strapped my curious climbing crashing cocky monkey into the high chair and give him a dum-dum. When the sugar itself no longer interests him, I give him a small bowl or cup of water. He quickly figured out that he could dunk the dum-dum into the water and then "paint" with the colored syrupy stickiness on the tray, stick the candy to his body as if it were tape, rip it off again, and even drum on the tray. He was happy for an hour. I even used treats for grocery shopping, always going past the bakery LAST on the list to pick up the free cookie offered to sweet children who ask nicely who have been good for mommy. (Yes, I told my kids that was the rule at the store, so sue me.) ONE CAUTION: Teach your kids one important lesson- If you ask for the treat, the answer is always no. Treats are treats because they are offered to you!

Divide and Conquer Strategy... One child is a terrific helper. Two children are rivals. Three or more are a party. In other words, keep it one-on-one. If one parent is doing yard work, ONE child helps him and the others are sent far off to do something in a different galaxy far far away. If you want the kitchen clean, ask ONE child and send the others to a far western shore. If you want opening bell at the octagon, put two in the kitchen. If you want a party, put them all in there. How this works, practically and just if not fair, is that the oldest presenting child cleans the kitchen after dinner; the next oldest cleans the dining room. The next oldest cleans up the youngest. The rest are sent to clean up their own rooms, or whatever room I assign, and get ready for bed. Now that my oldest is a junior in high school, he's rarely home for dinner and sometimes heads right down to his room after dinner, so he's rarely counted as "the oldest presenting child." But this is still just (if not fair in the next-born's eyes) because frankly, we all know that the oldest child pretty much cleaned the kitchen for the last 6 or 7 years, right?

Last, Monty Python. I'm kidding, right? The kings of shenanigans? It started this way. A few years ago, long before we even started our kitchen remodel in our old house, I was on the computer within 5 feet of my children who had been left to clean the kitchen. In my naiveté, I had left 2 kids to clean the kitchen. (I guess I figured I was right there....) They, of course, argued over who was going to wash and who was going to dry. In a moment of unexplained brilliance, I called the boys to come look at my computer screen~ they weren't arguing right, I proclaimed. They needed some instruction on better arguing. And I clicked 'play' on the You Tube video of.... The Argument Clinic. The boys stared, transfixed and confused as they witnessed Monty Python for their first time. At the end, they requested, "Play it again?" By the end of the second time they were giggling and following along with their own, "Is not! Is too!" They begged to watch a few more from the "suggested videos" and discovered The Ministry of Silly Walks and The Dead Parrot. I sent them back to the kitchen to finish the cleaning- and the rest of the night was saved by "No no 'e's not dead, 'e's, 'e's restin'!"

I guess it's true what they say, a spoonful of sugar 'elps the medicine go down.

I am linking up to Women Living Well Wednesday and Works for Me Wednesday (at We are That Family). Be sure to visit both sites to get tips for living. I learn something new every week!

Eating from the Pantry

2011-05-17T12:55:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while, you realize that you spent this week's grocery money last week. What do you?

You plan your meals from what's in the pantry. (Since that's where your budget went, right?)

One of my go-to places for meal ideas is Eat At Home, where I found this recipe for "Cheesy Wrap Up" which, it turns out, I had the ingredients for. I also had half a bag of brussels sprouts that still looked fine and a 5 lb bag of potatoes. The number ONE rule when working on a food budget is never, ever, spend your money on something that you are going to let waste. Eat those greens in the fridge before they get slimy!

Last night we ate this chicken breast yummy goodies with roasted sprouts and potatoes. I followed her suggestion of leaving them in the oven at a lower temp for a few more minutes, but I think mine were dry and overcooked. Next time we'll just do the broil. The youngest kids looked at me like I'd grown horns when I suggested they try them so Dad gave them chicken nuggets. Our motto is fine, don't eat it, that leaves more for those of us who do like it.

So-- what else is in the pantry? A half block of cheddar and a package of turkey bacon. A pound of ground round. A pound of venison sausage. And a bag of chicken nuggets that are dwindling. We have pasta and pasta sauce. There's some alfredo sauce leftover in the fridge from pizza the other night. I have red lentils, brown rice, quinoa. I have maybe half a cup of pecans. I have raisins. There may be half a pound of green peas in the freezer?

Here's a sketchy plan for lunches (6 of us are home for lunch) AND dinners (serve 10).

Tuesday (today's Tuesday, right?):
Lunch is pasta alfredo! Dinner will be black eyed peas (thawed from freezer) with corn bread and the last of the mango-peach salsa and eggs fried sunnyside up.

Wednesday (babygirl's 5th birthday!): Cheddar-bacon scones and pumpkin pie scones for supper, maybe with some quinoa pilaf cooked with raisins and pecans; lunch will be ramen with browned ground beef and peas.

Thursday: Red Lentils and rice, seasoned with taco seasoning, my kids think this staple is as good as chicken nuggets (which you notice I haven't scheduled? Um... better make them lunch today. Ha!)

Friday: payday! I did it. We'll do pizza (homemade, of course) for supper and celebrate.

Victorian Garden in Spring, picture heavy

2011-05-16T18:46:00.000-05:00

The "garden" of our Victorian house this Spring. Since we moved into the house in June last year, and hadn't seen it since March during a snowstorm, this Spring has been truly one of discovery. The garden had been planned and meticulously executed by the woman who had restored the house in the early 80s, and while there have been changes over the years, the owners between us didn't make many alterations from what we can tell. And yes, I have notes on the garden as well as a monthly to-do list, because the woman who did it was of German heritage. (Yes, I'm typecasting. But as I'm of German heritage, it's fair.)

Get Out!

2011-05-11T11:03:00.002-05:00

I'm a part of a church planters network that is working by creating "missional communities." A question was raised: He says his wife and he are moving to a new area, and "are planning to go with a missional communities model. How do you recommend identifying and training potential leaders for these groups?"

So far the answers he's gotten from other pastors seeking to transition go like this:

My intuition is we need to start with one group that is our family and includes the few others that we can see are potential leaders of the future groups, train and then plant out groups, however I feel time is against us and new folk are joining the Sunday gathering who we want to get connected to groups right now not in 18 months time.
There are a lot of other questions to be able to answer here. How many people are with you already? How many of them can lead a group? I'm a big believer of not planting a church until you have around 50 people. As you may be aware, it is easier to get missional living going before the pressures of a gathering.
We must decide what the minimum qualifications for a missional community will be. They are not elders, and thus it doesn't make sense for all MC leaders to be fully elder-qualified to be able to lead a MC.

If you’re like me, you need help to discover how to live on mission, to truly wake up every day knowing God has sent you on mission to your neighbours, friends and yes, even those you might perceive as your ‘enemies’. credit

Which is gospel and missional? To spend your time hunting down group leaders and then trying to figure out how to make a group gather and grow bigger? Or to speak the gospel into the lives of a few people that you can really invest in as you walk alongside them?

To get to a magical number (35, 50, 100) that are attending a weekly gathering? Or to focus on the one that God has brought right into your life? And trust Him to make the increase?

To develop MCs, first you have to become a good disciple yourself. To develop leaders, you have to disciple 1-2 other people who will become good disciples who can then disciple 1-2 others who will become good disciples who will disciple a few others. Jesus didn't fret that there were only 12 in his group- folks were so intrigued when they heard about him that they came looking for HIM; hundreds and thousands showed up. The disciples were recognized all over town, "Hey aren't you the guy that was with HIM?"

I can go almost anywhere in midtown, and people will recognize me and talk to me. Or if I mention my pastor, they know him. That's missional community.

Our group is letting go of the deeply instilled idea that we have to have one good man who can identify and train leaders who can successfully gather a good party at his house and get those people to show up to the gathering once weekly. Seems like most of the energy in that case goes into building the weekly gathering.

It's ok if your weekly gathering isn't the focus or almost an afterthought. The weekly gathering is for the mutual edification of disciples and to lift the name of the Father, in such a winsome way that others notice and approach at the fringes. Tell me-- is there a parking lot between your worship and the fringe? Or can people literally walk past your door on their way down the street, and see in? Hear? When my husband was in Cuba, one thing he noticed is that with the church's door on the street and no windows to muffle noises, there was a significant number of people who came looking for the source of the noise and walked in, and sat down. Does that happen where you are?

As a leader, how do I get people to come to my house and sit around the living room so we can have "Missional Community"? Do I even want to? That's just a small group. Rather, I've made it a point to get out, to know the folks on my block. We go out in the front yard and street to play- we take extra toys. We talk to everyone who walks by- even the junkies and drunks. I sit and visit with the other women on my block- inviting them to have a cup of coffee in the morning or share wine in the evening. A few of us have planted a community garden. To get out of my house a lot, the garden helps, since it is demanding. I introduce myself while I'm out, and ask people their names. I talk to them. I ask them to help provide security for the community garden, let people know that it's a community garden and anyone who wants to help work in it or give to it or clean up the lot or help protect it will be eligible to help harvest it. Some of us have put in a lot of time and money into this garden, we don't have sponsors, and it hurts when our garden hoses are stolen and trash is dumped. But I hurt even more about Little Bit, the tiny woman with no teeth and bright yellow eyes. Another way I get out of the house is to walk to the Save A Lot and get groceries daily. Now I've learned the names of all the people who work there, and they know each of my kids (who goes in there alone on errands or just for snacks). I walk to the liquor store where the drunks get their $1 beers, and I've bought a beer, then talk to the owner and the drunks outside.

MC happens when we take just 1 other person and go out and talk to everyone along the way, everyone, until we notice that a few people are following or always showing up where they know you will be. You share the gospel through short daily testimony and invite others to talk about how God makes himself known in their lives. A couple will stick out as ones willing and ready to be disciples, but this is not the time to go IN and have a gathering indoors-- go OUT.

So yeah, in conclusion I guess what I think makes a MC a MC instead of a SG, is that you GET OUT.

Let's Talk Teens, Sex, and the Gospel

2011-05-05T17:42:00.000-05:00

Not that long ago I said in a blog post that I asked my teen if he needed me to help him buy condoms. Of course the expected comments appeared- aren't you afraid to give the impression that you are giving permission for that kind of behavior? Let's see...

Am I afraid of giving my kids permission to fail? No, failure is one of our teachers.
Am I afraid to give my kids permission to believe in Grace? No, grace is necessary for faith.
Am I afraid of giving my kids permission not to feel the need to rebel in that area? Yes, I plan for kids to rebel, just like Adam and all his kin.

What I *am* afraid of is kids that don't think. Kids that do think you aren't paying attention. Kids who hate that you aren't paying attention and are bitter. I am afraid of kids who are hesitant to talk to me. I am afraid that my kids could have learned a false gospel, and it's MY FAULT. A false gospel that tells them they have to be afraid to talk to me about failing because then I would not accept them. That they have to keep their lives clean to be acceptable. That they have to worry whether I'm paying attention and whether I'll accept them.

When asking my child if he needs me to help him buy condoms and talking about what he thinks about having sex, I'm opening a lighthearted but heavy dialogue. I'm saying "I acknowledge that you are growing up and part of you is sexual. I want you in turn to acknowledge that there are big things that can happen. I want you to listen to me, and trust me on this. If you have not taken time to think through and decide WHO you are going to be, you could experience pain- and your mama doesn't want to see you suffer. Are you going to be a kid who just lets the moment and the hormones happen? Or are you going to be a kid who has a plan, to take a stand? Are you going to come to me and talk through these things? Are you going to remember what you've been taught about modesty, purity, sexuality, and love? Do you know that I'll love you and I'm on your team, whatever you do, because you're my son and I love you?"

Telling my son I will love him even when he sins does not erase all the years of preaching abstinence - and it certainly is not erasing the gospel. IT IS THE GOSPEL. You are at heart a human who will make mistakes, who will sin against God and others, who will fail. But God knew you would, and he still chose to love you and give his son for you and call you his own. Good behavior looks nice and all, but I'm sticking with that gospel of grace- you will fail, in your life, but God knew it and still loves you. You don't need to spend years rebelling against a false gospel. "Good Christian Kids" rebel because they know that it's hypocritical.

A child's heart begins innocent (they aren't so far removed from heaven after all). Now don't get me wrong-- I've heard all the sermons with the proof texts that teach that all humans are born with a sin nature. I've heard all the anecdotes that kids are mean from early on. I'm not talking about that kind of innocence. I'm talking about a naiveté- the part in the child that leads to the teaching that kids' damnation is subject to a subjective "age of accountability." That thing about kids that Jesus meant when he said "Let the little children come to me" and "the Kingdom is made up of these." Kids are uniquely sensitive to Jesus' voice. Their hearts aren't hardened by years of rebellion... yet. Parents create rebels. We don't have to teach them to hit, bike kick and scream, or even to lie and cheat. But that's not what truly makes a rebel.

When we continually teach children a false gospel by our rules and punishments for broken rules- that they are only acceptable based on how good and pure and clean they can appear-- we made them rebel. They know in their hearts that it's not a true gospel. We parents sow seeds of bitterness in their hearts because we are demanding more of them than even God himself demands of us! They know that they should be accepted for who they are, just because they are a beloved son or daughter. So they are discouraged, they are embittered, and they rebel.

A true gospel says, Child, you are mine, and I love you. You will fail, and I will love you anyway. I will walk beside you, and pick you up and even carry you if you grow weary. I will help you reach what you cannot grasp on your own. I will help you when life is too hard. You cannot do this on your own, but together we can move mountains.

When my child has this faith in the true gospel that Jesus loves them and is there, then my child can live in freedom to walk in the light. To love because he is loved. To accept the comfort of knowing - someone has my back, I don't walk alone, and I can do all things. And because of this, I feel I can dialogue with my son about sex. "You are growing into a man, a good looking guy who appreciates young ladies. I hear your music, I see your movies, and I have watched you, and I believe I know your heart. I see you love Jesus and want to be like Him. I know it because despite all the little things you do that annoy or disinterest or inconvenience me- your trajectory is towards being like Christ.

"I will be here to help you walk through temptations- can I help you with anything? Can I keep you safe from sin? Can I keep you coddled and encased in an artificial womb forever? Or can I buy condoms? A token reminder that sex is real and it has real hurt if it's not something you prayerfully give consideration to every, single, day."

I can ask for a pledge of purity- I can offer a purity ring. I can also acknowledge that maybe my teen will have a different path. But I love my son, "I forgive you and I will still walk through it with you." Besides, the truth is, now that I had this conversation with my teen, it's all ruined for him. The visual imprinted upon his memory of his MOTHER holding a box of rubbers serves to defuse the hottest moments, n'est-ce pas? .....and my hope is that my smiling insistence that I, and Jesus, will always be there for him, reminds him of where his roots are.

Hormones have a way of inducing impulsiveness- so I want kids who talk to me, who think through the ramifications and consequences, physically and spiritually, of sexual behaviors. Who trust that I love them. Who trust that Jesus loves them. And therefore, he is firm in his roots and tends not to need to rebel. I was reading Let's Talk About Sex in Reader's Digest, which is four pages of solid ideas, and this quote popped out at me:

In the end, no matter how much they fidget or roll their eyes, teens want to know someone will find them even when they become hard to reach.

(http://www.rd.com/family/lets-talk-about-sex/)

Do you have your child's heart? Does he trust you, to talk to you? Can you be real with your teen about sin, sex, and saving grace? What makes you afraid to be real with your teens? Do you believe the gospel for your own life?

Our Spring in Instagram

2011-05-01T13:26:00.001-05:00

I have noticed more and more friends using an app called Instagram to add filters to their photos to make them more creative, artistic and fun. I finally joined in. So, here is our Spring in Instagram.

Kansas City Zoo

Nikita, the Polar Bear

The carousel at the zoo

Learning 2 Fly

Easter Baptisms

Jeff and I made a 4 day trip without kids:

Grocery Budgeting

2011-04-16T13:55:00.000-05:00

With raising grocery prices and mindful, localvore mindset I can no longer keep my grocery budget to $100/person/month. This could also have something to do with the fact that all 7 kids eat more each day than either my hubby or I. Maybe. The problem is, I still have the same income to work with~ what's a mama to do?

I just got into a local buying co-op, and we're just now starting to put together our first order, so it will be a long while before I can figure out the impact financially-- however, I have faith that the impact spirutally and in my community will be positive. It's a spiritual experience to work together with a local body of likeminded people to do some positive change for the environment and the immediate community. There are thousands of people who live in my square mile who have never even put any thought into the politics behind their food choices, and we can introduce this to them and start making change. One guy said "If this is going to be more expensive, then what could there be in it for me?" My answer was "Having control over your food source, rather than keeping control at a corporate level. Benefiting local farmers rather than profiting off slave trade. Knowing that there is more health in your body, so less need for doctors and medicine."

That said, right now I control our grocery budget as well as I can by:

Being mindful of the impact of buying something I have to make vs. something someone else has made and I only have to finish cooking. This is the difference between frozen meatballs and ordering meat from a local farmer. The latter takes so much more effort and could be more expensive, but the dividends must be considered. The difference for my finances is that meat becomes a special occasion or a side dish, we eat less of it, and enjoy/appreciate it more. Also watch carefully what is available and act when you see an opportunity. I can get lamb from Costco any time I want, but it's $7/lb or so, and it's all from Australia. When I saw an Aldi ad this week for lamb produced in Wyoming and available for $5.76/lb.... I went and purchased 2 roasts. I will probably try to go to the other Aldi store and purchase some more. [confession: right now I buy the frozen meatballs, because truth be told I still cannot handle touching meat to make meatballs. True story.]

Then there are grains. Some grains have been imported from China, even though American farmers grow the same thing. Americans are exporting their grains and importing for Americans to eat. It's all politics and money changing hands-- but the Chinese farmers and you and I are the victims and the money is lining someone else's pockets. Look at your food, buy the rice grown in Texas instead of overseas. My food buying co-op has searched hard for things grown locally and made them available to us without a middle man. Look for the local when you can-- it may cost you pennies more per pound, but realize that is because the farmer is getting his due.

Sugar, chocolate, treats, etc... were once rare and special treats. Consider making them rare and special treats again.

I have to be very shrewd and careful and it takes planning, foresight... and TIME. It does take time. But this is part of my job, since I don't have a "real" job. Maybe your time is worth more, so you'll pay someone else to do part of your food prep for you (by buying frozen entrees, or whatever). I get that. My dh won't do our plumbing anymore because it takes him 6 hours to do something that Dan-the-plumber could do in 1-2 hours. Jeff just can't afford to cut 6 hours from when HE can work, when he can pay Dan for 2 hours... it ends up worth it to pay the plumber. So for you, it may be worth it to stock up on Amy's frozen foods. You know that Whole Foods and Wheatsville and Sun Fresh and Sprouts have done the homework regarding the ecological impact of food choices. You know your locally owned store is going to have products from local farmers on their shelves. So trust them, to some extent. Let them be your guide in some food choices.

Amy's rules for shopping:

1. Shop the loss leaders at each store. Only buy what is on sale. Try to get yourself on a cycle of stocking up on things that keep that are on sale. If you need one, buy two at the sale price and save yourself a future 20 cents.

2. Only buy what you will actually use. Food sitting in the kitchen wasting is a waste of money. Period. If necessary, for a while, stop and purchase only what you need for one day. Crazy idea huh? I did it last summer, when we moved here and had a store just 2 blocks away. I went and purchased only what I needed for 24-48 hours. It was in some ways nerve-wracking for there to be no food in my kitchen, no stockpiles. But it also made me VERY aware of true hunger, true need, and the way the majority of the world's people live. And I also managed to feed everyone- 8 people (my oldest was out of town)- on about $24/day.

3. Don't eat if you aren't hungry. This one is probably one of the hardest!!!!

4. Don't eat treats and snacks if you aren't hungry, and especially don't eat them if you ARE! Eating should be mindful, not a nervous habit, and if you are really hungry eat *food*, a meal, not a snack food.

5. Make special occasions special without making them gorgefests.

6. The corollary to the above three is: know what you need nutritionally and spiritually and stay within that framework. But don't beat yourself over the head with it to the point that you hurt yourself and others. Just keep some balance.

This comes from the woman who has Velveeta in her house because her kids like it, and dammit, sometimes I really want to be the fun mom. I also buy graham crackers, goldfish and Ritz. There. I admitted it. ;)

The myth of the easy teenage years

2011-04-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

There are parenting books that have been popular for the last 20 years, that tell new moms and dads that they can guarantee a smooth teenager experience if they just follow their simple rules for controlling their babies and toddlers. The "teen" years are a myth, and the "generation gap" is a lie. For good Christian emphasis, they'll add "from the pit." The teenage boy and teenage girl will sail from childhood into adulthood without a scrape, never questioning the parents, sweetly submissive doing chores just to see mom smile.

I just threw up a little into my mouth.

I wanted to believe it. Who wouldn't?

Yet I am reminded of the emerging seedling, which must break through a hard outer shell and struggle upward to sunlight and moisture that will grow it into a strong plant. The chick also escaping a shell with a fight, quickly fluffing itself and scrambling around. The butterfly breaking through the chrysalis then hangs there, sometimes appearing motionless, as it slowly stretches its wings before soaring high above.

For everything there is a season. If you incubate your emerging person too much, where will the struggle be that tones and strengthens them? If I try to help the seed, the chick, or the butterfly, I can actually cause it to die with my meddling. I have to just sit and watch it struggle, and hope that it develops perfectly, but I can't really do much about it. I provide the environment and nourishment but it does the growing. The butterfly has to get itself out of the prison it's spun around itself.

I grew up in a Christian home. I went to church. I knew all the verses. I knew the gospel story. I was a child of God, and I was happy. Then I became a teenager- and I had to start that painful struggling of breaking through to the next stage of development. It was that struggle that burnished in me the real faith of a tried and tested soul. Without suffering, how can one truly know grace? Grace is a Sunday School word until you have really wrestled with God. Only through the struggle is grace made real.

Is this completely untrue for you? Are you a faithfilled person who has only ever known sweet submission and never struggled? Are you watching your own teenager breaking through a shell? Do you find it hard to keep your hands off, and let them emerge through their own wrestling with God? Sisters, I water and I feed and I make light shine upon them, and I pray for harvest. But the struggle has to be theirs.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!

2011-04-07T10:32:00.000-05:00

For a long time I 've been submersed in new mom culture. I was a new mom for 15 years. I ate, slept and breathed new mom issues. I taught childbirth classes, I trained as a doula and attended births, I trained as a breastfeeding educator and taught classes. I did new mom visits and taught parenting classes. I've helped moms who had had breast reduction surgery, augmentation, cancer and unilateral mastectomy; adoptive moms who had nursed their own, adoptive moms who had never been pregnant, and lesbian moms who wanted to co-lactate. I helped fireman's wives and wives who were firemen. As much as I taught new moms, I also learned from them. I learned that there is more than one right way to do things, I learned that we are all doing the best we can with what we've got, and I learned that all moms really do just want to do this thing without hurting anyone in the process- even the dopes and whackjobs really deep down want to be a good mom (if she could just get that damn monkey off her back). So please believe me when I say that I have grown into a deeper love for all mothers and babies. I see good when I look at you.

Just yesterday I observed another new mom scenario, and I even pulled my pink ballpoint out of my purse and jotted some notes on the back of the Ace Hardware receipt. [Note: ballpoint ink does not dry on the back of the Ace Hardware receipt and one may end up with little more than a very smudged sticky pink mess that gets everywhere and is largely illegible.]

To the mom who came back to pick up the 4 year old in the pink ballet leotard after rushing to pick up the darling 3yo boy in the Curious George shirt: You were doing so well keeping your voice calm and even and reasonable sounding, when I know you were rushed and frustrated because of it. I commend you for that. I smiled at you because I could tell that even though you have the business suit and the Lexus, which tells me that you worked really hard to get where you are, being Mommy to two preschoolers has you feeling maybe a little frazzled, sometimes in over your head? Let me tell you sister, we all feel that way. It has something to do with the learning curve- I mean, the firstborn still throws me for a daily curveball.

The words we say to these little people sometimes betray our deepest anxiety even when our words are calmly spoken as if from a parenting book. What is it we really want from our kids? We wanted to enjoy them. We wanted the love and the fun family stuff and the holiday memories and the kisses and the snuggles and the joy of watching them become grown up and the pride that comes from seeing them take their diploma, walk down the aisle, and present us with grandchildren. Can I hear an amen? So our deepest anxiety is- we didn't really really expect it to be so damn hard. We never really believed that a 30 lb blanket grabber with dimples could make us feel so MAD at being inconvenienced and overworked and underappreciated.

So, we do our best job at keeping our cool-headed adult persona on the front and we say in a sweet but firm voice with. a. certain. businesslike. cadence, "If mommy has to say come here one more time, then you won't get any dessert. Or a bedtime story." And then stand there entranced that the darling in the pink tutu would dare call bluff as she continues to dance in circles staring at the newborn flowers in the spring-scented newborn grass. OK. My smile was a little knowing when I watched you walk over to the sprite and take her by the hand, lead her to the car, and repeat, "Mommy doesn't want to say come here to you one more time. Not one more time. Do you hear me? Not one more time!"

Let's unpack this scenario. What did I think was wrong with it? Moms, what is your motivation? A) To get that kid to do what I say when I say it, and B) with the least inconvenience to me so I can just enjoy my life, my kid, and my dreams. So what happened after this? Did mom follow through on the no dessert and no bedtime story, prolonging the uncomfortable moment and spending the rest of the night dealing with a kid crying, fighting against bedtime routine without dessert and story, worked up kid not falling asleep until Mom has put her to bed twenty times and possibly with some yelling before it's all over for the night? Did you get what you wanted with your even, firm tone and clear command to "come here now"?

I play the "come to mama" game with my kids from the time they can auto-locomote. I get wanting them to come when they are called. I think it's very important. That's why I make it a game, maybe? "Come to mama" must always be better than the alternative, though. If she was admiring first flowers of spring, you can acknowledge it and tell them hello we're so glad to see you, goodbye we'll come back next week--but Mama must in the end be more enticing than the flowers! (Hey those were weeds, you could always pick one and bring it to study in the car.)

My method is 1-2-3 GO! Back up to when they first came out of the building, and I heard, "Ok, little brother and dancer, we're in a rush so we're going to get right into the car, buckle up and get moving" ... this was good, she explained to those kids what the need was. But then she just walked ahead of them, unlocked the car, and stood there and said "Come here" as they meandered through the grass, flying in circles and dancing and staring at the sky like a herd of unconcerned sheep. So I would have given the little agenda speech, STAYED WITH THEM, probably even grabbed their hands, and followed "get moving" with "Ready? Get your mark, get set, GO!"

I almost always, with few exceptions, get kids to move when I do that. The spring grass and flowers were a predictable pull for their attention, so let's pretend it didn't work. The kids want to smell the flowers. Oh, me too! These are awesome! It's SPRING fercryinoutloud. They waited half of life as they remember it to see this again! Please, please, don't threaten to make the rest of your evening more difficult over this little issue of getting into the car now. You will regret it: you won't enjoy tonight or the memory of it in the future and you could be setting one of the first bricks in the wall that will divide you in the years to come. The time you spend wasting making your threats and OMG if you have to actually follow up on the threat could have been better spent enjoying a little slower spring walk to the car.

Just remember your goal is to get them to do what you need them to do with as little inconvenience to yourself so you can enjoy them and enjoy your life while keeping a long term goal of their heart towards you and towards heaven.

Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!

2011-04-02T13:14:00.000-05:00

This article is excellent- MY KIDS ARE WEIRD, TOO! THAT was my goal, even !

Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!

When you consider that the homeschooled population makes up only 3-6% of the entire school-going population, you may begin to understand just how different your kids are or will be.

Interestingly, you can even pump them full of standardized curriculum and their homeschooled experience will still be so far outside the norm, that they will always think and act differently than those who attend traditional schools.

How could it be any different? They haven’t been indoctrinated in the same way. They have not been steeped in the popular consumer culture to the degree that most schooled kids have been. They are not adult-phobic and peer-dependent.

Seven Shortcuts I make to save time

2011-04-01T15:32:00.002-05:00

1. I buy ground beef 10 lbs at a time, brown it, and apportion it into freezer bags. Cuts down on meal prep time on busy days.

2. I really prefer to buy fully cooked meats that I only have to reheat to serve. This is because I really do not like to handle uncooked meat and it's a holdover from when I was doing a vegan diet and dealing with a 7th birth. Plus it cuts down on the amount of plastic bags I throw away.

3. I buy the roasted chicken from Costco. I pull the meat off of it, and then either process the remaining bones, fat and meat scraps in the blender to feed the cats or I simmer it over night to make broth. I usually only do the chicken on Saturday or Sunday so that we don't have rotting chicken carcass in the trash for long (trash day is Monday morning).

4. Speaking of rotting, I keep my compost bucket in the refrigerator. No flies, no smell.

5. I got a Roomba. It's ever so much better at getting dust bunnies under beds than the broom or vacuum. It's not great at other tasks, but it's my dust bunny chaser.

6. I save up errands and do them all on one day, even if that means I have to renew library books online several times. I'll spend a few minutes planning my errand run (or even grocery list) so that I don't have to backtrack or go in circles or pass by the same place twice.

7. I usually wear an apron when I'm working about the house- the pocket is always handy and I don't spoil my clothes.

What shortcuts do you make? Share with me- I need more ideas!

Urban Mission: Desegregation but not Patronizing

2011-03-26T07:48:00.000-05:00

White folks, we can't just go on urban mission with some grand plan to fix the city.

My reading list this week has included Home Girl: Building a Dream House on a Lawless Block and Generous Justice: How God's Grace Makes Us Just which have taught me a few things:

1. You think you aren't racist? You are racist when you think "Oh that's just their culture, but we do it this way" particularly if you are implying that your way is the right way and their way is "just" their culture.
2. You think you aren't racist? You are racist when you teach your children to ignore color. That which you keep a mystery or forbidden subject becomes something to fear, and thus breeds racism.
3. You think some people shouldn't be helped because they caused their own trouble? Then you don't understand the doctrine of grace or the gospel.
4. You think you are special and can move into the city and be somebody's hero? What you really need to do is just touch the people around you whereever you are, just because you have a gospel heart towards them that absolutely compels you to just love them. Who they are. Where they are.

Various people and things do need to be fixed, sure. That's true everywhere- urban, suburban, exurban, or rural. People are hurting, people are causing hurt, people are tripped up, man. There but for the grace of God go I- I mean, for real. I struggle every day with just wanting my cushy comfortable life. But that's not what Jesus was about, and I want to be a Jesus follower. So I have to get down with the kind of people that Jesus was concerned with.

Who is your neighbor?

Seven Kids and Noise

2011-03-24T08:25:00.000-05:00

The day we all left for Spring Break and left our boarding foreign student home alone, he posted to Facebook, "I am so lonely, sitting here with three cats." He then stated that he needed some companionship. Eight days later, we had unloaded and I'd put away most of the kitchen things when he walked in from a late study session- he BEAMED and gave me a big hug. Three days later, he told me that "I love your family, but I need a nap in the afternoon." And he asked me how soon could he maybe move into the garage apartment.

I'm sort of giggling. I know that the house, especially in the afternoon, is boisterous. But at the same time, I cringe to imagine what it would be like if each of my kids were individually as loud as some others I've known....And once again a mom of a toddler is asking on a forum, "How do I teach my one year old not to be so loud?"

Why is it that some babies just SCREAM and squeal and cry more loudly than others? I'm not entirely sure, but I know that they do. I'm all for healthy expression.... but that's why I teach my kids to "take it down a notch." So that their expression is healthful for ALL of us. Because after all, we have to live with each other, so it's only fair, right?

I start with myself. Is it necessary to holler across the house to someone? Or can I actually take my feet until I can see the whites of their eyes? Am I unnecessarily loud?

The environment: what noises can be muffled? Should there be some acoustical treatment in the room? Music and TV do not need and should not be played continuously- and when they are, they don't always need be loud. You can really turn down a movie if you turn on the closed captions. Use the knob that goes to 11, and set it to 2-3.

Speaking of 2-3, I play a game with the kids pretty early on-- the volume game. We SING VERY LOUDLY, LOUDLY, LOUDLY, then we sing very softly, softly, softly. We play whisper whisper. We look at the knob and turn it 1-2-3-etc up to as loud as they can stand, usually no more than 7. Then-- when they are too loud I can say "OH you are at a 7! Take it down to 3 please." We talk about appropriate volume-- in church we do 1-2, in the house 2-3. Lecturing is 4. Outside is 5-7, but frankly the neighbors should not have to listen to you all the time so if you are near each other try the 2-3. One of my son's teachers tells the kids to use their "6 inch voice" which refers to how loud you have to be so that someone standing 6 inches away can hear you.

All this, and I still have to monitor volume constantly. Immaturity is all about the inability to really imagine anything from some other point of view- so until they grow up, you will have to remind them.

Compassion: drawn into their suffering and sharing it

2011-03-23T22:10:00.000-05:00

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion.

The thing about Jesus was that He was God incarnate. It wasn't enough to be Creator and Orchestrator... he wanted to share humanity too. And he didn't just come down and give it the good old college try- he went the way of the impoverished. He never knew privilege. And his compassion were for those common people, the ones suffering: poverty, health issues, death, enslavement. And he was moved toward them. He wasn't repelled, he wanted to be around them and to heal them, encourage them, bless them, promise them.

Tonight I heard that a sweet gal I know through a homeschool board- oh she loved her son and has always desired more children- lost her only son through a tragic accident today. Lift up her family, have compassion, feel a little of her grief, pray for healing, encourage and bless her and others you know who need a smile and a sweet word.

Seven Quick Takes

2011-03-18T00:45:00.000-05:00

1. My teen got his braces off Tuesday but hasn't let me take a picture yet.
2. We did a pretty good job packing the van this time to drive to Austin for Spring Break- first time I've ever come to town during SXSW. Usually we stayed home and gardened. Traffic during SXSW is horrible. My 15yo put it this way, on FB, "The Interstate is dead. SXSW killed it."
3. It was snowing when we left KC. Two hours down the road, the snow had stopped and the road was dry. Three hours, I saw a jonquil. Just one. Four hours, I saw dogwoods and soon after a few redbuds. Leaving Austin today going towards Houston, saw some rain lilies and a few red flowers. Surely we'll see bluebonnets Sunday as we drive back up...
4. You can get sunburned on a cloudy day. Particularly when the haze burns off a little.
5. There is nothing in the world like cousins.
6. Or 512 Pecan Porter. Or the Whip In.
7. I'm too old to stay up this late.:)

DIY kids: you have feet that work, use them!

2011-03-11T10:48:00.000-06:00

This morning the boy that lives around the block rang the bell, looking for a ride to school again. He lucked out, someone was leaving in a car and offered to take him. Once before though, we told him to walk, just like we'd tell our own kids when they miss the bus.

My 9 year old walks to school. He'd like to ride his bike- but can you believe kids aren't allowed to ride their bikes to school anymore? It's a risk hazard for the school. The schools are NOT ALLOWED to have bike racks on their property~ my elementary student isn't allowed to ride his bike. My teens ride their bikes and have to lock the bikes up on fences or the access rails or the cage around the A/C units. My friend makes her boys ride their bikes to their school in Austin, TX, and they are the ONLY students to even ask if they could ride their bikes. Parents line up starting 45 minutes prior to first bell, congesting traffic for over an hour, to drop off their able-bodied children at the school, and THIS IS CONSIDERED NORMAL? And then 'they' complain that our kids are getting fat? Who decided it is too much a risk hazard for our kids to walk upwards of a mile to school each day? I did it when I was a kid. But our kids today can't do it? We need to allow our kids to do more.

At 7 a.m. my 9yo walks out the door. Alone. To walk to school. In the "inner city." Only one of about 4 white kids in his whole school. Am I crazy? I don't think so. I let my kids walk to the Family Dollar, too. My teens can ride their bikes to their school just over 3 miles away. They walk to the park over a mile away, to the shopping district 1 and a half miles away, to the library just over 2 miles away. My teen once took his 4yo and 7yo sisters to walk to the park together. My Twelve Girl and Niner walk to the Save-a-Lot to buy groceries all by themselves, using my debit card and always remembering their own shopping bags.

You know, the mileage you get on your sneakers is going to make more impact on the world oil crisis than all your bitchen about gas prices.

Reading

2011-03-10T08:34:00.001-06:00

This week I read a fun article someone had linked from Facebook, called How I Taught My Kid to Read with Manicure Scissors or something like that. The whole thing was so charming, I nearly wished I'd had a pair of manicure scissors for my children to covet. Then I remember the great lengths I went to hide all sharp objects from my firstborn, who cut the carpet and the vertical blinds in our rental as well as all the cuffs of our winter coats, the shoelaces in all our boots and even the cats' whiskers. Twice.

I have always been a reader. My cousins used to tease that I'd read the entire cereal box, my mee-mee would say I'd read anything I could get my hands on. My mother thinks I read to get out of housework. I think largely I read as a compulsion to get out of my reality. I'm sure my reality wasn't all that bad (I've seen worse), but the alternate dimensions that lay within a book cover are inexplicably intoxicating. Or so I've always thought. I mean, how crazy to not like to read! Thus, it was only natural that I read to my baby.

We were very poor when he was born and my baby shower had been a sort of a bust, so I went to the discount store and found a couple cheapy baby books. The first book I got my son was a plastic pillow-like "bath" book in bright primary colors, with one animal and its name on each page, with a squeaker in the page that read "pig." And so began teaching the eldest to read. Soon after I sent in one of those mail-in cards to get the Dr. Seuss books (the first 6 for only $1 plus shipping!) and answered the door to a salesman from whom I bought a Bible storybook. All this, and I introduced this baby to The Library [that magical bastion of socialism that allows for a free democratic society through equal access to literacy, but that's a topic for another post].

His first word was book [pronounced /buh/] and at 7 months of age, he crawled across the room to me, dragging a tome whose spine was longer than his, and he said, "wee buh meh." At a year, he'd ask for "a takkabuh peeeese" which meant, "please set me up on the couch with a neat pile of Dr. Seuss on my left." And he would make sure the pile was neat, then pick up the top book. He'd leaf through the pages from beginning to end, staring at the delightful letters before placing the book to his right, always making sure the corners lined up. [There will be a post about discovering OCD in your child later.]

This child was pointing out letter sounds to me by 18 months and wrote the word "Target" upside down and backwards at age 2 (this of course being how he read it on the shopping cart handle). At 3 he asked me continuously "what's that say?" and at 4 I pulled out "How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons." We got to lesson 18 before I realized he already knew how to read. It was around that time I found the boy standing on a "takka" chairs and stools reaching precariously for the knives that I'd hidden on top of the refrigerator.

Seven Kids Mornings

2011-03-05T18:06:00.002-06:00

Septuplets are probably very difficult. I imagine absolute chaos. Exhaustion. I never, ever, had romantic notions that multiples would be fun. But at least they'd all get going at the the same time. Right? Seven kids and a boarder, ranging in age from college to preschool, are all over the place. You see, I have five boys going to 4 different schools each with their own start time- 7:20, 8:30, and 9. And my man- you never know what he's doing on any given day or if he's traveling, so I've got him weaving in and out of my mornings, too.

A 6:30 alarm tells me to make my first lap around the house. Sometimes I manage to hit the floor right off, but I'll snooze if my man is home and can beat me to the thermostat to bump it to 63 from its overnight setting which is too cool to admit in print. My niner is always already up. And dressed. I like to have a good 15-20 minutes alone in the kitchen with my boy. It's a good time to check in with him before he leaves for the day. By 7 a.m. he is out the door for his 3 block walk to school. I kiss him at the door and watch him walk down the sidewalk as far as I can see him.

I make another lap, back up the front stairs and around to the back stairs to the kitchen, to see that the teens are up. I make my big boys' to-go cups of hot chocolate and something they can take in the hand for breakfast as they run out the door: the next two must be out of the house by 7:33 a.m. to catch their bus. Once they are out I assemble some high calorie breakfast and snacks for my athlete. He's out the door by 8 a.m. to catch his bus. These teens don't loiter in the kitchen with me often, so I can usually read my Scriptures and pray, and have a meeting with Jeff as we check the calendar and ToDo list. I glance at the menu listed on the wall and start thawing meat or cooking dried beans or making bread dough during this morning hour.

By 8:02 a.m. then, I am enjoying a quiet moment in the kitchen with my two littlest girlies- the only time of the day I really have them alone, thanks to their older sister's sleeping late. I make them glasses of milk, plates of fruit, pop tarts and/or oatmeal, and we talk. Silly little girl things, serious little girl things. Precious little girl things. Our boarding student comes into the kitchen around 8:30, fixes himself a cuppa and some toast spread with Laughing Cow. The girls brighten his morning with their smiles and chatter, and we all say goodbye to him for the day as he slips out the door at 8:43. The big sister finally wakes up and comes down some time around here, and fixes herself breakfast. We chat about the day's plans.

Now I can make sure the doors are all locked, kiss my girlies and head back upstairs. I'll do my workout video, shower, dress, put on my face, and really start my day. It's probably 9:30 by now, I've been up three hours, and it's time to really get to work~

So that's what mornings are like around here. How 'bout at your place?