Grocery Budgeting

With raising grocery prices and mindful, localvore mindset I can no longer keep my grocery budget to $100/person/month. This could also have something to do with the fact that all 7 kids eat more each day than either my hubby or I.  Maybe. The problem is, I still have the same income to work with~ what's a mama to do?  

I just got into a local buying co-op, and we're just now starting to put together our first order, so it will be a long while before I can figure out the impact financially--  however, I have faith that the impact spirutally and in my community will be positive. It's a spiritual experience to work together with a local body of likeminded people to do some positive change for the environment and the immediate community.  There are thousands of people who live in my square mile who have never even put any thought into the politics behind their food choices, and we can introduce this to them and start making change.  One guy said "If this is going to be more expensive, then what could there be in it for me?"  My answer was "Having control over your food source, rather than keeping control at a corporate level.  Benefiting local farmers rather than profiting off slave trade.  Knowing that there is more health in your body, so less need for doctors and medicine."  

That said, right now I control our grocery budget as well as I can by:

•  Being mindful of the impact of buying something I have to make vs. something someone else has made and I only have to finish cooking.  This is the difference between frozen meatballs and ordering meat from a local farmer.  The latter takes so much more effort and could be more expensive, but the dividends must be considered.  The difference for my finances is that meat becomes a special occasion or a side dish, we eat less of it, and enjoy/appreciate it more. Also watch carefully what is available and act when you see an opportunity.  I can get lamb from Costco any time I want, but it's $7/lb or so, and it's all from Australia.  When I saw an Aldi ad this week for lamb produced in Wyoming and available for $5.76/lb.... I went and purchased 2 roasts.  I will probably try to go to the other Aldi store and purchase some more.  [confession: right now I buy the frozen meatballs, because truth be told I still cannot handle touching meat to make meatballs. True story.]

• Then there are grains.  Some grains have been imported from China, even though American farmers grow the same thing.  Americans are exporting their grains and importing for Americans to eat. It's all politics and money changing hands-- but the Chinese farmers and you and I are the victims and the money is lining someone else's pockets.  Look at your food, buy the rice grown in Texas instead of overseas.  My food buying co-op has searched hard for things grown locally and made them available to us without a middle man.  Look for the local when you can--  it may cost you pennies more per pound, but realize that is because the farmer is getting his due.

• Sugar, chocolate, treats, etc... were once rare and special treats.  Consider making them rare and special treats again.

  

I have to be very shrewd and careful and it takes planning, foresight... and TIME.  It does take time.  But this is part of my job, since I don't have a "real" job.  Maybe your time is worth more, so you'll pay someone else to do part of your food prep for you (by buying frozen entrees, or whatever).  I get that.  My dh won't do our plumbing anymore because it takes him 6 hours to do something that Dan-the-plumber could do in 1-2 hours.  Jeff just can't afford to cut 6 hours from when HE can work, when he can pay Dan for 2 hours... it ends up worth it to pay the plumber.  So for you, it may be worth it to stock up on Amy's frozen foods.  You know that Whole Foods and Wheatsville and Sun Fresh and Sprouts have done the homework regarding the ecological impact of food choices. You know your locally owned store is going to have products from local farmers on their shelves.  So trust them, to some extent.  Let them be your guide in some food choices. 

Amy's rules for shopping:

1.  Shop the loss leaders at each store. Only buy what is on sale.  Try to get yourself on a cycle of stocking up on things that keep that are on sale. If you need one, buy two at the sale price and save yourself a future 20 cents.

2.  Only buy what you will actually  use.  Food sitting in the kitchen wasting is a waste of money. Period. If necessary, for a while, stop and purchase only what you need for one day. Crazy idea huh? I did it last summer, when we moved here and had a store just 2 blocks away.  I went and purchased only what I needed for 24-48 hours. It was in some ways nerve-wracking for there to be no food in my kitchen, no stockpiles.  But it also made me VERY aware of true hunger, true need, and the way the majority of the world's people live. And I also managed to feed everyone- 8 people (my oldest was out of town)- on about $24/day.

3.  Don't eat if you aren't hungry.  This one is probably one of the hardest!!!!

4.  Don't eat treats and snacks if you aren't hungry, and especially don't eat them if you ARE! Eating should be mindful, not a nervous habit, and if you are really hungry eat *food*, a meal, not a snack food.

5.  Make special occasions special without making them gorgefests.

6.  The corollary to the above three is:  know what you need nutritionally and spiritually and stay within that framework. But don't beat yourself over the head with it to the point that you hurt yourself and others.  Just keep some balance.  

This comes from the woman who has Velveeta in her house because her kids like it, and dammit, sometimes I really want to be the fun mom.  I also buy graham crackers, goldfish and Ritz. There. I admitted it. ;)

The myth of the easy teenage years

There are parenting books that have been popular for the last 20 years, that tell new moms and dads that they can guarantee a smooth teenager experience if they just follow their simple rules for controlling their babies and toddlers. The "teen" years are a myth, and the "generation gap" is a lie. For good Christian emphasis, they'll add "from the pit."  The teenage boy and teenage girl will sail from childhood into adulthood without a scrape, never questioning the parents, sweetly submissive doing chores just to see mom smile.

I just threw up a little into my mouth.

I wanted to believe it.  Who wouldn't?

Yet I am reminded of the emerging seedling, which must break through a hard outer shell and struggle upward to sunlight and moisture that will grow it into a strong plant.  The chick also escaping a shell with a fight, quickly fluffing itself and scrambling around.  The butterfly breaking through the chrysalis then hangs there, sometimes appearing motionless, as it slowly stretches its wings before soaring high above.



For everything there is a season.  If you incubate your emerging person too much, where will the struggle be that tones and strengthens them?  If I try to help the seed, the chick, or the butterfly, I can actually cause it to die with my meddling. I have to just sit and watch it struggle, and hope that it develops perfectly, but I can't really do much about it. I provide the environment and nourishment but it does the growing. The butterfly has to get itself out of the prison it's spun around itself.

I grew up in a Christian home. I went to church. I knew all the verses. I knew the gospel story. I was a child of God, and I was happy.  Then I became a teenager- and I had to start that painful struggling of breaking through to the next stage of development.  It was that struggle that burnished in me the real faith of a tried and tested soul. Without suffering, how can one truly know grace? Grace is a Sunday School word until you have really wrestled with God.  Only through the struggle is grace made real.

Is this completely untrue for you?  Are you a faithfilled person who has only ever known sweet submission and never struggled?  Are you watching your own teenager breaking through a shell? Do you find it hard to keep your hands off, and let them emerge through their own wrestling with God? Sisters, I water and I feed and I make light shine upon them, and I pray for harvest. But the struggle has to be theirs.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!

For a long time I 've been submersed in new mom culture. I was a new mom for 15 years. I ate, slept and breathed new mom issues. I taught childbirth classes, I trained as a doula and attended births, I trained as a breastfeeding educator and taught classes. I did new mom visits and taught parenting classes.  I've helped moms who had had breast reduction surgery, augmentation, cancer and unilateral mastectomy; adoptive moms who had nursed their own, adoptive moms who had never been pregnant, and lesbian moms who wanted to co-lactate.  I helped fireman's wives and wives who were firemen. As much as I taught new moms, I also learned from them. I learned that there is more than one right way to do things, I learned that we are all doing the best we can with what we've got, and I learned that all moms really do just want to do this thing without hurting anyone in the process-  even the dopes and whackjobs really deep down want to be a good mom (if she could just get that damn monkey off her back). So please believe me when I say that I have grown into a deeper love for all mothers and babies.  I see good when I look at you.

Just yesterday I observed another new mom scenario, and I even pulled my pink ballpoint out of my purse and jotted some notes on the back of the Ace Hardware receipt.  [Note: ballpoint ink does not dry on the back of the Ace Hardware receipt and one may end up with little more than a very smudged sticky pink mess that gets everywhere and is largely illegible.]

To the mom who came back to pick up the 4 year old in the pink ballet leotard after rushing to pick up the darling 3yo boy in the Curious George shirt:  You were doing so well keeping your voice calm and even and reasonable sounding, when I know you were rushed and frustrated because of it.  I commend you for that. I smiled at you because I could tell that even though you have the business suit and the Lexus, which tells me that you worked really hard to get where you are, being Mommy to two preschoolers has you feeling maybe a little frazzled, sometimes in over your head?  Let me tell you sister, we all feel that way.  It has something to do with the learning curve- I mean, the firstborn still throws me for a daily curveball. 

The words we say to these little people sometimes betray our deepest anxiety even when our words are calmly spoken as if from a parenting book.  What is it we really want from our kids? We wanted to enjoy them.  We wanted the love and the fun family stuff and the holiday memories and the kisses and the snuggles and the joy of watching them become grown up and the pride that comes from seeing them take their diploma, walk down the aisle, and present us with grandchildren. Can I hear an amen?  So our deepest anxiety is- we didn't really really expect it to be so damn hard. We never really believed that a 30 lb blanket grabber with dimples could make us feel so MAD at being inconvenienced and overworked and underappreciated.

So, we do our best job at keeping our cool-headed adult persona on the front and we say in a sweet but firm voice with. a. certain. businesslike. cadence, "If mommy has to say come here one more time, then you won't get any dessert.  Or a bedtime story."  And then stand there entranced that the darling in the pink tutu would dare call bluff as she continues to dance in circles staring at the newborn flowers in the spring-scented newborn grass.  OK. My smile was a little knowing when I watched you walk over to the sprite and take her by the hand, lead her to the car, and repeat, "Mommy doesn't want to say come here to you one more time. Not one more time. Do you hear me? Not one more time!"

Let's unpack this scenario.  What did I think was wrong with it?  Moms, what is your motivation?  A)  To get that kid to do what I say when I say it, and B) with the least inconvenience to me so I can just enjoy my life, my kid, and my dreams.  So what happened after this?  Did mom follow through on the no dessert and no bedtime story, prolonging the uncomfortable moment and spending the rest of the night dealing with a kid crying, fighting against bedtime routine without dessert and story, worked up kid not falling asleep until Mom has put her to bed twenty times and possibly with some yelling before it's all over for the night?  Did you get what you wanted with your even, firm tone and clear command to "come here now"?

I play the "come to mama" game with my kids from the time they can auto-locomote.  I get wanting them to come when they are called. I think it's very important.  That's why I make it a game, maybe?  "Come to mama" must always be better than the alternative, though.  If she was admiring first flowers of spring, you can acknowledge it and tell them hello we're so glad to see you, goodbye we'll come back next week--but Mama must in the end be more enticing than the flowers! (Hey those were weeds, you could always pick one and bring it to study in the car.)

My method is 1-2-3 GO! Back up to when they first came out of the building, and I heard, "Ok, little brother and dancer, we're in a rush so we're going to get right into the car, buckle up and get moving" ... this was good, she explained to those kids what the need was.  But then she just walked ahead of them, unlocked the car, and stood there and said "Come here" as they meandered through the grass, flying in circles and dancing and staring at the sky like a herd of unconcerned sheep. So I would have given the little agenda speech, STAYED WITH THEM, probably even grabbed their hands, and followed "get moving" with "Ready? Get your mark, get set, GO!"

I almost always, with few exceptions, get kids to move when I do that.  The spring grass and flowers were a predictable pull for their attention, so let's pretend it didn't work.  The kids want to smell the flowers.  Oh, me too! These are awesome! It's SPRING fercryinoutloud.  They waited half of life as they remember it to see this again!  Please, please, don't threaten to make the rest of your evening more difficult over this little issue of getting into the car now.  You will regret it: you won't enjoy tonight or the memory of it in the future and you could be setting one of the first bricks in the wall that will divide you in the years to come. The time you spend wasting making your threats and OMG if you have to actually follow up on the threat could have been better spent enjoying a little slower spring walk to the car.

Just remember your goal is to get them to do what you need them to do with as little inconvenience to yourself so you can enjoy them and enjoy your life while keeping a long term goal of their heart towards you and towards heaven.

Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!

This article is excellent- MY KIDS ARE WEIRD, TOO! THAT was my goal, even !

Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!

When you consider that the homeschooled population makes up only 3-6% of the entire school-going population, you may begin to understand just how different your kids are or will be.

Interestingly, you can even pump them full of standardized curriculum and their homeschooled experience will still be so far outside the norm, that they will always think and act differently than those who attend traditional schools.

How could it be any different? They haven’t been indoctrinated in the same way. They have not been steeped in the popular consumer culture to the degree that most schooled kids have been. They are not adult-phobic and peer-dependent.

Seven Shortcuts I make to save time

1.  I buy ground beef 10 lbs at a time, brown it, and apportion it into freezer bags. Cuts down on meal prep time on busy days.

2.  I really prefer to buy fully cooked meats that I only have to reheat to serve. This is because I really do not like to handle uncooked meat and it's a holdover from when I was doing a vegan diet and dealing with a 7th birth. Plus it cuts down on the amount of plastic bags I throw away.

3.  I buy the roasted chicken from Costco.  I pull the meat off of it, and then either process the remaining bones, fat and meat scraps in the blender to feed the cats or I simmer it over night to make broth.  I usually only do the chicken on Saturday or Sunday so that we don't have rotting chicken carcass in the trash for long (trash day is Monday morning).

4.  Speaking of rotting, I keep my compost bucket in the refrigerator.  No flies, no smell.

5.  I got a Roomba. It's ever so much better at getting dust bunnies under beds than the broom or vacuum. It's not great at other tasks, but it's my dust bunny chaser.

6.  I save up errands and do them all on one day, even if that means I have to renew library books online several times. I'll spend a few minutes planning my errand run (or even grocery list) so that I don't have to backtrack or go in circles or pass by the same place twice.

7.  I usually wear an apron when I'm working about the house-  the pocket is always handy and I don't spoil my clothes.

What shortcuts do you make? Share with me- I need more ideas!