Religiously Inspired Modesty- and what is gospel modesty?

When I was recently reading Give Them Grace, I paused my review posts to take time to write out my thoughts on what the author said about teaching your daughters to dress Modest. I admit, I am really bothered by the modesty imposed on females due to religious belief.

Any of you who knew me 10 years ago may be surprised since I was one of them.  Yes, in 1997, I listened to teachings by Bible Church pastors, who seemed earnest and reasonable and had verses, and I went to my closet and did a purge.

I followed the advice, still found in books by popular Christian women lecturers and authors, to try on each outfit and stand before a mirror.  I threw out most of my closet, and then purchased- at thrift stores- frumpy long denim skirts and "appropriate" tops. Even back then I found some advice worthy of an eyeroll, such as a preacher who insisted that all knit fabrics were of the devil, designed purposefully to hug the curves in such as a way as to ensnare men.

Yes, this is the teaching. It is the same teaching I've heard on websites addressed to modest protestant Christian, Catholics, Mormon, Jew, and Muslims.  The teaching is that men are weak and women are completely responsible to protect the men from themselves.

I have been bothered every time I see the groups in public- women covered, men looking like any other man off the street.  It's not like the Amish or in foreign countries or even the most strict law-following Orthodox Jew, where at least the men and women are obviously following the same dress code and "match" each other in style.  It's the disparity in the Religious ones-- the men couldn't be picked out in a line-up, but the women are all peculiar in style.

Now I have finally been able to piece together in my mind the precise difficulty I have with the teaching, and give words to the reasons I will not teach this religious "modesty" to my daughters.

1.  When the preacher/teacher continuously harps on this idea that women have this power over men, then something happens in the mind--  the women are relagated to sex objects.  The men hear "you have no control over the lust you feel when you see something" and now they see sex everywhere they look. It's like once you start to play Punch Buggies, you see them everywhere you go. You experience pregnancy or pregnancy loss, and suddenly it seems you are surrounded by pregnant women. That which normally your eyes would have bounced off without your brain registering has now become something that your heart ponders. An example of that popped up on my Facebook feed yesterday, when a friend posted a blog that had a diatribe against Land's End for a picture of 9 year olds in their newest catalog. The blogger railed against the sexualization of these 9 year olds... and I am looking at the picture and reading her words and thinking, "Talk about projecting your feelings..."  I didn't see what this blogger saw in the ad.

2. Once women have become sex objects, it becomes her fault, in the eyes of not just men but many women, if she receives unwanted sexual harrassment or is raped. The extreme is seen in countries ruled by Sharia where women can actually be executed for being raped.  But it happens subtly here in every U. S. classroom at school, church auditorium, shopping mall or city street-  You can ogle, whistle, cop a feel, whatever-  she's asked for it.

I find it particularly interesting that the same religions teach a Patriarchal structure, where women are subject to men.... yet somehow hold power over them with their bodies that require the women to be responsible to protect the males?

It's hypocrisy and does not follow a gospel-centered worldview, in which Jesus' modesty is described in Paul's letter to the church at Philippi:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

That modesty is about not demanding your due, never showing off, not needing the approval or praise of men, but being content with "You are my beloved child, I am pleased."  In that gospel modesty, and set in the gospel parenting command to "bring them up in the nurture of the Lord," it is out of line and out of gospel context to then tell my daughters, "humble yourselves, too, refusing to show your body in any way because you love your Christian brothers and don't want to tempt them." But this is exactly how the verse is being used-  it's our sacrifice of worship to cover ourselves to protect our weaker brothers. That is not the context of "weaker brothers" either.

On the other hand, gospel modesty-rather than being about the right collar or sleeve- would demand I do not count equality with God as something to be grasped; thus, I don't know all the answers and can't presume to ever really know, which is why I do not much esteem, frankly, systematic theology.  In that gospel modesty, I make myself nothing, taking the form of a servant and actually get up and do some work- willing to wear whatever clothing is most appropriate for the weather and my activity as well as wearing what has been made available to me. Rather than spending time creating for myself a "style" and then spending time and money putting together a "wardrobe,"  I buy things- even new, not discount- when they present themselves to me.  Simple shoes that are made from recycled tires, Soft Star shoes that are made by people in Oregon, Ugandan shoes that pay for college for women, denim miniskirts found in a bag left in front of a dumpster, teeshirts given at events I attend. And yeah, a bikini when I'm going out for the purpose to soak up some Vitamin D.

Yes, I consider it a point of modesty to not perpetuate unfair labor practices. Not demanding that somehow I deserve to spend as little of my disposable income on clothing- that someone else produced in such a way to make it possible?  Wait, a teeshirt can cost me $10 when I think I deserve at least $10 minimum wage? I will actually pay more for something produced fairly that allows someone else to live in a manner I feel is right for me.  To me, obedience unto death is to follow what the Lord demands, recorded in Micah:

He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?

To find all the blog posts on the topic of the book Give Them Grace,  click here.