welcome to my brain . net: Masturbation Nation
Something I start discussing with my kids by the time they are 6 or 7 years old is sex. Touching themselves and its appropriateness. Touchings others and its inappropriateness. Making boundaries and keeping them. And please, tell mommy if something hurts, is itchy, or worries you. It's not really comfortable discussing this with your kids the first time you try, so my advice is to just make yourself do it the first time, and then do it often so that it becomes easier. You don't have to make a big deal of it, making A Date To Talk About Sex. Just bring it up as you have opportunity, while folding laundry or baking together. Sexual behavior belongs in the bedroom, but talking about it with your kids does not.
What about when they get older? One day my man and Ilocked them out of the house sent the kids out into the sunny Sunday afternoon to play while we got it on took a nap. Suddenly we realized we had an audience through the blinds. [Adjust the blinds UP, my friends, not down!] We heard a muffled, "Ask them if they're making a boy or girl!" This of course ended the making of anything, and we convened a meeting of the Peepers. It was a good chance to bring up to them that sex isn't a foolish joke~ it's not for coarse jesting, teasing, or sharing. It IS for Mommy & Daddy, and it is for sunny afternoons when the kids can be out of the house, and they can respect what God has given us and respect their parents by playing happily in the playground we built in the far back corner of the yard far from our window, Amen.
What about when they get older? One day my man and I
Just the other day I had a talk with my oldest teen about using condoms. I asked him if he needed me to help him buy any, because while I absolutely have my ideals about my kid, I also want to let him know that my ideals are just that-- mine-- and I love him even if he makes choices that aren't my ideal. But if he chooses to do THAT, he needs to choose from among ribs, colors and flavors first.
And, what do you know about sexting? I blogged on it here in March 09, and Dr. E has a good article that was published this week here. Parents, talk to your teens about sexting and pornography. Please read Christine's post and have a discussion with your kid about masturbation and what their ideas about sex are. Talk to your tween and teen about sex, condoms, sexting, pornography (not all at once!). Above all, send them to the basement to play the Wii, or outside to play in the sun, or to a friend's house on Sunday afternoon and take a nap! Let them know it's your time. It's good for your kids to have a sex role model showing them that the real fun is in the married sex, not what they see in the media.
And, what do you know about sexting? I blogged on it here in March 09, and Dr. E has a good article that was published this week here. Parents, talk to your teens about sexting and pornography. Please read Christine's post and have a discussion with your kid about masturbation and what their ideas about sex are. Talk to your tween and teen about sex, condoms, sexting, pornography (not all at once!). Above all, send them to the basement to play the Wii, or outside to play in the sun, or to a friend's house on Sunday afternoon and take a nap! Let them know it's your time. It's good for your kids to have a sex role model showing them that the real fun is in the married sex, not what they see in the media.
13 comments:
I loathe miniblinds, in part because I don't like an audience. Get curtains. Or top-down closed cell blinds. :D And have a par-tay.
So glad you brought this up Amy. I suspect that in our parents time, it might have been a bit easier to skimp on the sex-talk, but in todays hyper-sexualized media environment and internet access (don't assume that every computer your kid has access to is filtered) our kids are growing up with sex everywhere. If we aren't talking about it with them, then we are the only one that isn't. We can't afford to let television, popular music and internet porn be our kids only teacher on this. Start the message early that this is something that we can and DO talk about.
Ouch . . . Now I've got the Salt and Pepa song stuck in my head. Great!
"Let's talk about sex baby . . ."
That is why I like our room on the second floor.
Just happened upon your blog and found your statement about your teen son very perplexing:
"Just the other day I had a talk with my oldest teen about using condoms. I asked him if he needed me to help him buy any, because while I absolutely have my ideals about my kid, I also want to let him know that my ideals are just that-- mine-- and I love him even if he makes choices that aren't my ideal."
Although your ideas are just that - yours - is it not our job as Christian parents to impart in our children GOD'S ideas? And his ideas on fornication are very clear - it is a sin.
Obviously you didn't click on any of the hotlinks in this post and read what I alluded to that was background information to this post. Stick around and keep reading, there is a lot of God teaching going on around here.
One of my favorite lessons is on the Sovereignty of God. See, God is big enough. Jesus is enough. I am small. I am so small, I cannot even handle the sin in my life without God. And it's not my job to monitor or control the sin in anyone else's life, either.
Of course I impart in our children the ideals of a godly life. But my ideals for my kids- being holy spirit holy rollers who never sin- are bullshit. Because no one never sins.
I can't control whether my kids adopt the Bible as their guide. I can't control whether my kids have Jesus speaking to them.
NO, it's not my job to be their Holy Spirit. I used to think that way, and I was wrong. I was making myself into an idol. My children and how they looked to others was an idol. Wrapping your identity in your children is idolatry.
It is my job to introduce them to Jesus, and to help them get so close to Jesus that HE can speak into their lives.
I'd rather buy my son condoms and leave it to the real Holy Spirit to help him choose.
And I still love him. Because God gave him to me to love. Not because he does everything I ask, not because he's a perfect model of a son that I can pat on the back and show off proudly to my friends, not because he is perfect. I love him because I'm his mother. And I love him enough to not only impart God's word in his life, but also to realize that he's an individual with free will.
Do I plan on him having a wreck on his bike? No, I hope he doesn't. But I buy him a bike helmet. Do I plan for him to get in to troublesome situations? No, and I hope he never does. But I buy him a cellphone so he can call me, or call 911. Do I plan and hope he'll have sex before marriage? No, and I hope he doesn't, but I'm willing to buy him condoms just in case.
Do I plan on my young children being molested by a friend? No, and I hope they aren't, but I'm going to teach them to say no, to get away, and to tell. This is the world we live in. So I have to talk to my kids about touch- good touch and bad touch, masturbation, pornography, jokes, sexting, erotica, condoms, STDs, fellatio....
Love your reply, Amy. I think you hit this one spot on.
You are absolutely right - we can not be anyone else's Holy Spirit. And I can not be yours so please forgive me for my comment.
Hi Amy,
First time commenter here. Just wanted some clarification - so you believe that telling your son that having premarital sex is a sin is trying to be his holy spirit?
Thanks in advance for your reply!
Jules, Where did you get that I wasn't teaching my kids a Biblical view of the care and keeping of sex?
I teach, I provide tools, I listen and I ask questions. The Holy Spirit convicts.
I see a need for more on this subject. I'll get on that.
Love this post, Amy. Great reminder as I have two boys that are 5 & 6 and I have done my best and strive to continue to normalize sex and cultivate a healthy view for them. Seriously, thank you.
Good post. I wish I were more comfortable talking to my kids about this. I always planned to just answer their questions as they asked them, but they're not asking.
I thought we were the only couple who "sent the kids out to play" in the afternoons! LOL Maybe that's a homeschooling thing! Wonder how other parents sneak it in? Pondering.
Most of my talks: by the bathroom tub while mommy is receiving no privacy!
We had to lock ourselves into the garage and use the back seat of the old car one afternoon. Now that was a fun memory!
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