A P.S. on punishment

I hadn't heard about this news of the children in CA when I blogged just a few days ago about spanking. This is why I am not ashamed to openly speak against spanking as a "parenting tool." It's not a tool. It cannot be perceived as a tool. The D. A. is saying the children were tortured, and there was systematic, ritual abuse. This describes how I started off parenting! I wanted so hard to be a good mother. But I wasn't very good at thinking through things for myself; I was only good at doing what I was told. I had majored in child development, but the things I was exposed to in the Christian church insisted that everything I learned in college was "humanistic" and "ungodly." It was stressed to me in parenting classes like Growing Kids God's Way, that godly parents will have their children in absolute order at all times. The day should be regimented and controlled. Every playmate, every toy, every book, every movie should be carefully chosen to be "like-minded" in order to keep this control.


But my kid wasn't having any of it. He had a mind of his own. So I sought more help from more Christian teachers. I was told to beat him until he gave in. I am ashamed to admit I tried that. But this child would not give in. No matter how perfectly I followed the rules of godly parenting, nothing was getting better. I do believe now, that the early years of my parenting could be considered abusive to my kids. What's sort of funny is that years after I walked away from spanking and most forms of "punishment" my kids were just as well-behaved as they'd always been. My one kid was still his own animal, though, and people did notice. One woman who was new to the church we attended at the time, who had these really orderly homeschooled kids- those kind that end up on magazines you know? They play instruments, always mannerly and orderly and are always dressed neatly and you want to call them the Von Trapps- she walked right up to me one day to give me her advice for getting my son in control, "you should give him more order, and spank him" she said. "Then he'd behave." It's not just spanking, but any form of physical punishment-- the woman who used the Pearls' advice accused of poisoning her child to death by giving him "tonics" to control his lying.... the woman who used the Pearls' advice to strap a sleepless toddler in a carseat, and the child strangled on the straps.... the woman who used the Pearls' advice and swaddled her preschooler to keep him in bed at night, and he suffocated.... and these children who were beaten sufficiently enough to cause organ failure. So I will blog about it again. And again. It's not necessary, and it shouldn't be considered normal. Another mom posted a very good blog post on this subject, even better than mine. When Parenting Kills- What Can We Do?