On AustinMama listserv the other day, a Mama asked what other people did when they wished they could give leftovers to hungry people rather than letting them waste. She's asking about microgiving.
I mean, we'd all love to be Brangelina and build neighborhoods full of houses in New Orleans, adopt a housefull of orphans, give millions to various causes (don't bother googling, the first pages of hits are all the haters jealous that they can't have it all). Most of us barely have an extra $10 after meeting the demands of the exponentially increasing American standard of living.
My husband sent me a link to HopeMongers. A clearing-house of sorts for some of the kinds of projects in which we wish we could participate. Visit HopeMongers today. Or Kiva. Make a MicroGift to a project. Here's an idea-- make a MicroGift to each of the different projects, cut and paste the button each project has and create a gift card, and knock every person off your holiday gift list.
Mothering is so hard, it's easy.
I was on the phone with a friend today, one who still has a young brood. Her thoughts and plans are still on difficulties of pregnancy, diapering, potty training... although her older kids are giving her a dose of reading instruction and even 3rd grade. We were discussing issues she's had with teenage foster daughters... and co-miserating over the struggle, strength and significance of mothering teenagers. The conversation shifted back to the physical discomforts of her 8-month-pregnant body, and I had a realization. There is nothing I miss about being pregnant or expecting a new baby. I have become that post-fertile woman who has little patience for the needs of babies and toddlers. I love to visit them, sure. I love to help new mamas and make sure they are steady on their feet.
But I don't want to DO it again.
I'm so busy in the life stage I'm at-- the needs of teenagers are ever so more pressing than I'd ever imagined. The large family boosters that I knew in my young motherhood were insistent that "more children aren't expensive, you don't need all that stuff being marketed" and "you train them when they're young and by the time they're teens, they are no work at all."
By the way, those are lies.
I'm not sure why they tell those lies--- or maybe more accurately, fail to tell you the disclaimers:
But I don't want to DO it again.
I'm so busy in the life stage I'm at-- the needs of teenagers are ever so more pressing than I'd ever imagined. The large family boosters that I knew in my young motherhood were insistent that "more children aren't expensive, you don't need all that stuff being marketed" and "you train them when they're young and by the time they're teens, they are no work at all."
By the way, those are lies.
I'm not sure why they tell those lies--- or maybe more accurately, fail to tell you the disclaimers:
- They are free for the first year or five, but then the costs start increasing exponentially. True, health insurance costs don't increase with the number of children and the deductible is the same. Once you have "3" there is no increase above that. BUT-- the increase in time to stay on the phone to make 7 appointments, and then the driving back and forth for 7 appointments, and the co-pays for 7 appointments can start to take a toll. And as much as none "need" extracurriculars the flat out truth is that you all want them, kids and parents alike. And even if I could afford $145/mo for martial arts, $145/mo for dance, $75 for soccer, $380 for football, $300 for all the various uniforms, jerseys, protective equipment and costumes... getting each of the kids to each of their various appointments, practices, games, picture days and parties starts to become ridiculous.
- You train them when they are young, yes.... but when mom is sick for months on end during early pregnancy, and then on bedrest, and then newly postpartum and consumed with eat-play-sleep-repeat-ad nauseum, mom is often too tired for effective, long term rewards training. The oldest child become de facto caregiver and starts to think of himself as having authority never rightfully bestowed upon him. Which really does a number on his ego, superego, id and fantasy life.
- ....and when they are teens they are no work at all. This one was a lie from a pit. I have no idea where they came up with this one. When they are teens, they start getting their own ideas. You have to suddenly deal with dating. With planning out education to affect their futures. With driver education (you thought potty training was hard!?). With their social lives- you have to know their friends, and their friends' parents. You have to drive hundreds of miles a week. And education- well, I just can't go there without reverting to a fetal position and sucking my thumb.
Consciousness Sunday
My e-friend Robin posted this today, and it goes along so perfectly with the type of stuff I have said here.
Making a financial donation to an organization like Compassion International?
How about this one: Heifer International
I know some people don't really appreciate getting a note that says "A donation has been made in your name to ______." How about this idea instead? Their focus: "Fair trade allows you to give unique, high-quality gifts to family and friends— while giving hope and income to the poor."
If you still need a little encouragement to let go of the idea of "getting more stuff" - lets see if Bono can inspire you.
Live simply so others can simply live.
My friend Tanya made a suggestion recently that I just love. How about finding ways to give gifts without increasing our piles of stuff and also helping someone who needs help? Here are a few suggestions (in no particular order).Making a financial donation to an organization like Compassion International?
How about this one: Heifer International
I know some people don't really appreciate getting a note that says "A donation has been made in your name to ______." How about this idea instead? Their focus: "Fair trade allows you to give unique, high-quality gifts to family and friends— while giving hope and income to the poor."
If you still need a little encouragement to let go of the idea of "getting more stuff" - lets see if Bono can inspire you.
Marrying home repairs with knowing Jesus
On a day to day basis, it's not always easy to remember, but this is what it's all about. That's basically what my dear husband said to me after listening to John Piper in the van as we drove 9+ hours home from Mississippi yesterday.
Almost a month ago [ironically now I'm realizing it was Sept 11, which folks want to make a Day of Service....] I noticed a Facebook friend posted, "I'd give anything to just have a full hamper. I've got the fence lying down in the backyard, the pool is too heavy for me to get in the attic (but I will still try), there are holes in most of the walls, some of the doors are off the hinges or won't close, the closets are so full you can't close the doors, and I have to get everything out of the storage unit and into this house somehow so I won't have the bill hanging over my head. I'd rather just put it all in a dumpster and start over. Or put it all in a dumpster and NOT start over. But most of it isn't mine, so I can't do that."
My heart was immediately touched. I knew she'd been dealing with some pretty hard times. I sent her a message almost a week later-- asking if I could help. Her response was, "Would people really want to do all that? You would do that for me?" And I replied back, "I offered, because if you were my sister I'd be a wreck over this."
"And well, Jesus told me you ARE my sister."
So we put aside our own home repair/renovation project and drove to Mississippi for Fall Break. Fixing the fence was so much easier than we'd imagined-- digging in Mississippi mud was ever so much faster than hard Texas clay and rock. My 8 year old kept insisting we must have hit a water line, as the hole was filling up with water faster than he dig! We had an impromptu lesson on the water table and maximum saturation.
Almost a month ago [ironically now I'm realizing it was Sept 11, which folks want to make a Day of Service....] I noticed a Facebook friend posted, "I'd give anything to just have a full hamper. I've got the fence lying down in the backyard, the pool is too heavy for me to get in the attic (but I will still try), there are holes in most of the walls, some of the doors are off the hinges or won't close, the closets are so full you can't close the doors, and I have to get everything out of the storage unit and into this house somehow so I won't have the bill hanging over my head. I'd rather just put it all in a dumpster and start over. Or put it all in a dumpster and NOT start over. But most of it isn't mine, so I can't do that."
My heart was immediately touched. I knew she'd been dealing with some pretty hard times. I sent her a message almost a week later-- asking if I could help. Her response was, "Would people really want to do all that? You would do that for me?" And I replied back, "I offered, because if you were my sister I'd be a wreck over this."
"And well, Jesus told me you ARE my sister."
While Jeff and some of the boys worked on the fence, I worked indoors with other boys. They were happy to make holes in the drywall into nice neat squares that could be patched. There were about 18 holes that varied in size from 3x3" to 18x32" as well as another dozen holes that were small enough to just fill with putty and not patch.
Every room had holes where the doorknobs had just gone through, so one son was put to work taking out broken door stoppers and installing new ones. Jeff also repaired a door that was ripped off its hinges.
Last but not least, the support column whose failure was causing the porch roof to sag. It's doing its job now.
A little serious discussion to my women friends out there.... (the next snippet used with permission from my forum friend who wrote it).
While I do not wish to fearmonger, I do feel it is wise to educate. Therefore, for your perusal, and possible need-to-share-with-a-friend-one-day need, I post the following:
1. The Non-Violence Wheel. This wheel represents healthy relationships wherein two people give regard and value to one another. (This will open a .pdf file, for which you need Adobe Acrobat to read.)
2. The Violence Wheel. This wheel represents unhealthy relationships wherein one, or both partners are attempting to assert and maintain power and control of the relationship. (This also opens a .pdf file.)
3. A link to an Abuse Cycle Wheel. This chart notes the repeated cycle of abuse-pattern behaviors.
4. A link to an excellent Abuse resource. This website can be used to walk a person through abuse education one step at a time. Literally. The information is segmented so that the reader need not feel overwhelmed by content, but can read a bit day by day as they learn and grow; or, all at once.
Extracting oneself from this crippling cycle is possible. A heathy, normal life is attainable. The Lord restoring the years the locusts have eaten [Joel 2:25-27] is a real promise.
If you or someone you love is in need of help, please do not hesitate to pass this information on.
Many thanks to the 15 other ladies from the Sonlight forums, and their families, who sacrificed in order to fund this project. So much was raised in just a few days, that there are leftover Lowe's cards to use for another need.
Every Day
It would be well if professing Christians in modern days studied the four Gospels more than they do. No doubt all Scripture is profitable. It is not wise to exalt one part of the Bible at the expense of another. But I think it would be good for some who are very familiar with the Epistles, if they knew a little more about Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
Now, why do I say this? I say it because I want professing Christians to know more about Christ. It is well to be acquainted with all the doctrines and principles of Christianity. It is better to be acquainted with Christ Himself. It is well to be familiar with faith and grace and justification and sanctification. They are all matters "pertaining to the King." But it is far better to be familiar with Jesus Himself, to see the King’s own face, and to behold His beauty. This is one secret of eminent holiness. He that would be conformed to Christ’s image, and become a Christ–like man, must be constantly studying Christ Himself. [http://www.gracegems.org/Ryle/h12.htm]
Remodel means re-arranging
Yes, we're still remodeling. If you've been with me that long, you may remember that last October we bought Ikea flooring on sale for about 60 cents per square foot. We laid that floor in one bedroom and the hall last Christmas break, and this week we finally did the other bedroom.
You may remember that last Christmas break, we also happily emptied the room that was the "office" and relocated mom's and dad's computers to the master bedroom, to make this front room the Girls' Room. We painted, set up their loft, and it seemed perfect.
We crammed the clothes for all 3 girls into this old wardrobe I picked up for $30, and 2 old dressers that are pass-alongs from other family members.
What, exactly, was I thinking? Did I really think 3 girls, all their multiplying clothes and multiplying dolls and accoutrements would fit comfortably in a 108sf bedroom?
When we emptied the back bedroom so we could fix the walls (what IS it with boys putting holes in drywall?), paint and put down the flooring, we made the decision to put the 3 younger boys in the front bedroom and the 3 girls into the back bedroom, and the teen will get the front den all to himself.
The girls wasted no time reclaiming this bedroom.
In no time, they filled both closets. And honestly, the teen is so happy to have that front den to himself, he hasn't fussed that the walls are apple green and blossom pink.
You may remember that last Christmas break, we also happily emptied the room that was the "office" and relocated mom's and dad's computers to the master bedroom, to make this front room the Girls' Room. We painted, set up their loft, and it seemed perfect.
We crammed the clothes for all 3 girls into this old wardrobe I picked up for $30, and 2 old dressers that are pass-alongs from other family members.
What, exactly, was I thinking? Did I really think 3 girls, all their multiplying clothes and multiplying dolls and accoutrements would fit comfortably in a 108sf bedroom?
When we emptied the back bedroom so we could fix the walls (what IS it with boys putting holes in drywall?), paint and put down the flooring, we made the decision to put the 3 younger boys in the front bedroom and the 3 girls into the back bedroom, and the teen will get the front den all to himself.
The girls wasted no time reclaiming this bedroom.
In no time, they filled both closets. And honestly, the teen is so happy to have that front den to himself, he hasn't fussed that the walls are apple green and blossom pink.
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